The Whole Package
by PrimaryDiamonds
Summary: Collab relay-fic by DiamondHeart78 and primarycolors. Bella sees him every day but has a hard time gathering up the nerve to make a move. Every delivery is a special delivery. UPSward/Gamerward! E/B AH Rated M for Bella checkin' out Edward's package.
1. Chapter 1

Don't ask. This plot bunny hit me quite quickly a few days ago and primarycolors has chosen to go on this wild, unknown ride with me for shits & giggles. It's all for fun. No betas, no prereaders. As a matter of fact, we won't know what the other has written until we read it with the rest of you. Some will need to hold me.

We'll be attempting to each update once a day. That means you, gentle readers, will get two a day.

Ready? Are you sure? Ok. Don't say we didn't warn you!

SM owns Twilight. I'm sure she'd blush at the stuff we authors make her characters do.

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><p>The Whole Package<p>

.

Ten-fifty-three in the morning.

Every morning.

Without fail. He's here.

My fantasy in brown shorts. Brown shirt. Brown package.

He's holding a package.

Hmm, what did you think I was talking about?

Holy moly, look at those eyes. I can't tell what color they are from where I gawk behind my cubicle, but they're clear and piercing.

And the hair. He doesn't wear the hat that some of the other UPS guys wear. Oh no. It's like he's well aware of the power it yields, how he can totally incapacitate the female species. And probably some men too.

And there he goes flirting it up with Jessica, the assistant to the CEO. His teeth are perfect... _that_ I can tell a mile away. He really knows how to lay on the charm. Look at her, she's practically ready to strip for him.

Total whore.

But then again, here I am having a hard time keeping it together myself and I'm several feet away from him. So I guess I'll join her in the whoring.

But then he's done... on his way out, clipboard in hand, with a wave and a wink towards the bitch.

And it's this way every day. It's been this way for the past two months, ever since I started working here at The Toy Chest Adult Toy Company.

But, what? What was that?

Did he just...

I swear... he scanned the room and locked eyes with me. Just for like a second.

Shit. He did, right?

Maybe?

What the hell is wrong with me?

.

.

.

**Alright then! See you soon! **


	2. Chapter 2

**I feel like I've jumped out of a plane and forgotten my parachute! *flails*  
><strong>

**Also, what constitutes a drabble? I'm afraid I might be a little wordy. Sorry! ;)**

**I kind of love DH for doing this with me. It's nice not to write angst all the time.**

**Let us know what you think!  
><strong>

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><p>"Have you seen my… uh, pencil?" I peered through the blinds at the parking lot below, getting a glimpse of well-defined calf muscles as Mr. UPS sprang up the steps to settle himself on the seat of his truck.<p>

"Your what?"

The huge truck shuddered and groaned as he worked the stick shift back and forth finally pulling away from the curb.

_Until next time, my gorgeous, perfect, muscley-but-not-too-muscly sex-god in shorts. _

I turned away from the window with a sigh.

"Hey, you cold or something? I know I have the air on." Jessica pilfered the receptionist drawers, looking for something to open the box. "You just did one of those full body shivers."

"Just upset about my pencil, you know?" I lied. "It was my favorite."

"Hope you're not getting sick… _yes…_" she crowed. "Scissors!"

"Hallelujah."

"Bella… look. We have lots of extra pencils. Go grab a few from the supply room." She sliced through the tape. "I won't tell anyone."

"You're so sweet."

"I know."

"I won't tell anyone," I echoed with a grin. _That you're so sweet._

"No one would believe your skinny ass anyway."

_Exactly_.

Jessica finally opened the box with a flourish. "Oh, I'm so excited! It's the Christmas box!"

I walked up to the desk. Working at the corporate office meant we got to see the new stuff before it was distributed to our stores across the city. I'd only been here a few months, but it'd been long enough to see that people had some crazy holiday fetishes. Halloween had scarred me for life.

"Cute!" Jessica started laying items across the desk. "Frosty the Dildo… and here's some Tingle Gel… and a cock ring that looks like a wreath! And… eww." She paused.

"What?" I said. "It's a vibrator that looks like a candy cane."

I wouldn't mind having one of those. It wasn't as if anybody would be opening _me_ for the holidays. That would be a Christmas miracle.

"No… it's a vibe shaped like Santa," she giggled. "That's so wrong."

"Gross," I agreed as I grabbed the clear plastic box it was packaged in. "He has an old man face! And he's naked!"

"Well, at least he still has his hat," Jessica said, looking over my shoulder at the door. Someone was coming in. It was probably Eric dragging in late, as usual. He was our web developer. Somehow he'd been able to convince the upper management that he could come in whenever he pleased because he stayed after hours. Whatever. I knew he stuck around so he could play that Dark Souls video game online.

"_Santa Claus isn't the only one cumming to town_…" I read off the box. "Oh my god, who writes this shit?"

"Bella…" she whispered.

"And who buys it?" I wondered.

"Hi again!" Jessica chimed, saccharine sweet.

Why was she being so flirty with Eric? He was kind of a creeper.

I pawed through the box. "Kind of gives a whole new meaning to the words _Ho-Ho-Ho, _if you know what I mean. Oh, look at this one!"

A throat cleared behind me.

"Um, excuse me," a deep voice murmured.

I froze. _Mayday! Shorts! Calves! Mr. UPS!_

I whirled around. And I may have squeaked.

"I forgot one of your boxes," Mr. UPS-Divine said, placing it on the counter. "It was small… it fell behind one of the bigger ones. I'm sorry."

Oh god. His eyes were green. Like Christmas trees and summer grass and late-night Appletinis.

"Aw, thanks," Jessica cooed, tilting her head, a wide-eyed cocker spaniel. "That's so sweet of you."

"Just doing my job," he grinned a little crooked and looked down at me. "Do you mind signing again?" He held out an electronic tablet and pen.

_Say something Bella! You ninny! Hottie's talking to you!_

I shook my head as I hefted one of the toys under my arm. I signed my name, feeling faint from being so close to him. And more than a little disgusted for turning into a pathetic mute.

"Okay, well, thanks… Bella." He smiled at me, reading my name off the tablet. His eyes swept over to Jess and then back to me. Then he reached out a hand, tapping the box I had clutched in my armpit. "I hear that's a bestseller."

I looked down at the sampler pack of different flavored lubes. _The 12 Nights of XXX-Mas._

I smiled weakly but my brain was mush. MUSH. I may have squeaked again.

Mr. UPS bit his lip as he smiled wider. It made his eyes crinkle in the most adorable way.

"See you girls tomorrow," he said, walking backwards out the door. "Sorry I had to show up twice. Have a nice day now."

"Not a problem," Jessica the spaniel sighed dreamily.

I squeaked.

Again.

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><p><strong>Alrighty! :) Balls... er, ball is in your court, DH! *blows kisses*<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Once again, no betas, no plan. Just silliness. **

**SM owns Twilight. But you knew that. **

**PC writes good comedy. She should do it more often ;)**

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><p>Chapter 3<p>

.

"He wants me."

"Huh?" I brilliantly responded, still in a brown-induced fog.

"He totally wants me," she said smugly. "I see the way he looks at me every time he comes in, it's like he's peeling my clothes off with his eyes, you know?"

That cleared my head. I have a pretty over-active imagination, so images are pretty vivid. And seeing Mr. UPS doing anything sex-related with Jessica is likely to make me douse my brain with bleach... and then set it on fire.

"So do you know anything about him?" I ask as nonchalantly as possible, keeping my hands busy looking through the box of goodies, lube still lodged under my arm.

What? He said it was a best-seller... maybe I should investigate. I _do_ write the copy for our online catalog after all.

"Nothing but his first name-_Edward._So old-fashioned, and yet so hot."

There she goes with that melty, faraway look in her eyes. It caused me to roll mine.

I sighed. Maybe he _was_interested in her. I mean, I did always see him chatting it up with Edward... God, his name does sound oddly hot. I wonder what it would sound like if he made me scream it while he...

"Hey, Bella, do you mind taking this box to Charlotte's office? She'll be in tomorrow so she can take a look at all of it then. Thanks!"

Her cheery, bubbly smile made me want to take Santa's penis and shove it down her throat.

_I'm sorry, that was a bit violent._

Eric did in fact walk in seconds later, his venti latte in one hand, black laptop bag slung over his opposite shoulder.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, breezing right passed us on his way to his office.

"No, you're not," Jessica deadpanned, not even sparing him a glance.

"No I'm not," he responded before he smiled, all proud of himself, and glancing to the box under my armpit. "I hear that's a best-seller," he added before making his way to his side of the floor and shutting the door to his office.

I cringed after his retreating form, shuddering in disgust at how quickly those words went from sounding like sex from Edward's lips to sounding pervy from Eric's.

"Eww! Totally disgusting, creepy web guy," Jessica muttered.

"Yeah, that was pretty creeptastic. Okay, I'm going back to work," I sighed, picking up the 'christmas box' and heading to the CEO's office.

Charlotte's office was... well, it was actually pretty darn stylish. The only questionable thing in sight was probably the actual-size dildo bronze sculptures displayed on a built-in shelf, each one backlit with gallery lights.

Some cut, some uncut. One even had a piercing.

I set the box down next to her desk and headed back to my office, carefully stowing the assorted lube in my oversized bag.

_Quality control, remember?_

I sat at my desk, head resting heavily on my fisted hand as I thought about his voice.

Something about it made my hoohah scream _COME__TO__MAMA!_

Who was I kidding? The way he said my name, his practiced eyefuck and slanty smirk, it all led to an explosive combination that would forever grace my spank bank over and over again.

"Well I guess I know what I'm doing tonight," I told myself, patting my huge bag.

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><p><strong>This is fun. Reviews are love. ;)<strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**SM owns Twilight. DH can own the bronzed sculptures if I can own the 12 Days of Lube.**

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><p>I contemplated Edward's name while scrubbing my teeth in the office bathroom the next morning. Angela had brought pecan twirls to the conference room; not to mention I was paranoid about coffee breath. I was determined to talk when he arrived today. To use actual words instead of animal sounds. It wasn't that I was opposed to grunty, groany animal sounds, it's just that there was a time and place for them, right? Like my bed… with Mr. UPS…<p>

But maybe I was getting ahead of myself.

I wound floss around my fingers. I loved Edward's name. It was so… _Edwardian_. I had just written a lovely description for a sexy renaissance urchin-girl costume… Edward could play the prince who rescues the little waif off the cobblestone streets… maybe I… I mean, _she_- she was caught stealing, you know, to feed the fifteen tiny children from the orphanage that depended on her for survival. And… and… oh no! The local magistrate was going to chop off her hand! And then maybe the prince (Edward!) rides up on his magnificent chocolate brown steed and says… and says…

"_You there! Unhand that girl! For she is the most gorgeous creature I have ever layeth eyes upon. I must have her for mine own! Bring her forth!"_

"_But my Lord…" the official grovels before the Prince. "Th' girl only squeaks. I han't 'eard a word from 'er!"_

"_Fie upon you, you ham-fisted buffoon! You're frightening the gentle lady of course! For I can see that she is no mere waif, but surely a missing princess from some nearby kingdom. I will have her this very night! I will plunder her lush, nubile body; take her precious virginity up against the royal wall in my majestic bedchamber with many pillows! It shall be so!"_

Jessica burst in the bathroom and regarded me smugly in the mirror.

"You missed him."

I glanced at my watch. He'd been early? Damn!

Sighing at my reflection, I feigned nonchalance. My teeth looked good, if I did say so myself. I dabbed on a little lip-gloss and shrugged. "Who?"

"You know who I'm talking about." Jessica fluffed her hair and made kissy lips at herself. "He's siiiingle," she sang, cutting her eyes to me.

"You _asked_ him?" I made a face. "That's so… desperate, Jess."

"Is not. He's too much of a gentleman to make the first move." She paused dramatically. "So _I_ asked _him_ if he wanted to go get coffee sometime."

My heart sank. "You did _not!"_

She clapped her hands. "I did! I did! And he said yes!"

Forget cocker spaniel. She was a monkey. An evil, pinch-faced little monkey.

"Good for you Jess." I got busy putting my travel toothbrush away in my purse. So what. Jess and Mr. UPS. He was probably a horrible kisser. Kissing was kind of a deal breaker for me. Sparks had to fly.

And what kind of a name was Edward anyway? The name of a horrible kisser, that's what kind it was.

Jessica was still talking. Blah-ba-blah-de-blaaahhh… wait, what?

"What?" I asked.

"I said that he's only doing the heavy lifting UPS thing to put himself through school because it pays so well. He's really this hot-shot video game writer… you know the kind of video game where you go online and pretend you're someone else? I mean, it sounds kind of lame, but whatever. He belongs to some group called the Knights of Byakuya... I don't know, for research or some shit… so he couldn't have coffee _today_, so maybe _tomorrow_…"

Holy crap! My heart was suddenly flying. Eric the late morning creeper was a member of that group! I'd walked in his office one day last month to find him wearing a Viking helmet and stabbing the air with one of Charlotte's bronzed dildoes. The one with the piercing. I'd made the mistake of actually asking what in the hell he was doing and I got more information than I wanted about his little band of freaky geeks.

"I gotta go, Jess," I said, hurrying out. "_Some_ people work around here."

"You're so jealous!" She crowed as the door shut behind me. Game on, pinchy monkey girl. He can't have coffee _you_ if he's lip locked with _me_.

I made my way to my office to plot… and to wait until Eric deemed the office worthy of his presence. I had a boy in brown to catch.

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><p><strong>Loving this... :D<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**SM owns it all. UPSward, bronze dildos, 12 Days of Lube, and Renaissance daydreams belong to me and PC. **

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><p>Chapter 5<p>

It was after lunch when Eric's greasy self sauntered out of his cave and towards the break room.

Perfect.

"Hey, Eric!" I exclaimed, maybe a little too enthusiastically, in retrospect. But gimme a break, I was on a time crunch so being as polite and approachable was paramount if I wanted Eric to spill the beans about his little Group 'O Geeks.

The break room was sparse, save for the fridge and the coffee maker that Eric was now fidgeting with.

He hardly registered my presence. Just a little grunt and a huff. Not really a morning person- looking at the clock on the wall I deduced he wasn't really an all-day person either.

"Whatcha doin'?" I tilted my head and smiled, leaning my hip against the counter with my body facing his.

He glanced over quickly, a look of what-the-fuck-did-you-smoke-this-morning clearly registering on his double-chinned face.

"What does it look like I'm doing, Swan? I'm getting some coffee."

"Ah. Long night last night?"

"Um, you could say that," he replied warily.

"Hot date? Busy taking over some dude's kingdom or something?"

"What's it to you?" He looked at me, suspicious of course. With good reason. I was up to no good.

"Oh, nothing. I just... you know, I was thinking about how you belong to that RPG group, and I actually find it kind of fascinating."

I was fishing. Hopefully the big, ugly fish would take take the bait.

"The Knights of Byakuya is a well-respected group of individuals who strive for honor, discipline, and the perfection of war strategy..."

"And you get to kill a bunch of people too," I said, eyes wide and excited. I'd say my performance was pretty SAG-worthy.

"Yeah, well that too. Hey, why are you suddenly so interested in this? You've made it abundantly clear on several occasions you think I'm some loser with no life."

_That's correct. _

"No! No, well, I mean, maybe, when I didn't really understand the whole allure of it I may have made some now obviously ignorant remarks. But I'm reformed now, Eric. I'm seriously interested. I mean, do you guys... like, you know, ever meet in person? Or is this strictly behind-the-screen stuff?"

"Well, no, as a matter of fact, we're meeting tonight..."

"Tonight?" I squeak. I can't believe my luck.

"Yeah, we meet at Denny's on 4th. Bi-weekly meetings to discuss rules and alliances and stuff. No biggie."

"Wow, so you talk about how to kill each other over Super Birds and hash browns?"

"Well, yeah. We get hungry."

"I can imagine. I'm sure strategizing works up an appetite."

Eric glares at me, probably not quite sure if I'm making fun of him again. Smart boy. But I must deflect.

"That's cool, Eric, really. I'm sorry I've ever alluded to your AFTER-work-hours activities as anything less than honorable."

I mean seriously. I'm surprised he ever gets any actual work done here.

Then, Eric smiles.

_Hook, line and sinker._

"Thanks. I've gotta say, I'm still surprised you're actually interested in all this. You know, we have a lot of chics in our group. We're not just a bunch of nerds."

"Oh, I believe you, Eric. Um, I should probably head back now. See ya later." I grab my coffee and head out the door towards my office as he says "see ya."

My gears start to turn in my head.

Edward told Jessica he couldn't get coffee today. Could he possibly be going tonight?

Only one way to find out.

Operation Get Hot Boy in Brown was finally in motion.

Oh, RPG and LARP nerds. They eventually rule the world. Be nice to them!

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><p><strong>PC should write more comedy. You readers, friends, and fellow authors should convince her of that.<strong>

**Reviews are like Edward's lopsided grins... they're addictive and make us giddy.**


	6. Chapter 6

****dashes in****

**Y'all, so sorry! I've been trapped in my own version of Christmas Vacation.**

**Where's the Tylenol? LOL**

****dashes out****

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><p>"You made up your mind yet?"<p>

The waitress wore hot pink eye shadow that clashed with her Denny's uniform. I couldn't help but stare. It offended my aesthetic sensibilities.

"Hey, uhh… yeah. I guess I'd like to build my own Holiday Slam?"

I was early. And in the back corner of the restaurant. Every time the door dinged open and the staff sang, "Welcome to Denny's!" I jumped and sank a little lower in my seat.

_I am not a stalker! I am not a stalker!_

"So… the brown sugar ham steak… and maybe the bread pudding French toast…"

"_Welcome to Denny's!"_

Holy moly crapoly. I could never be an FBI agent or work in espionage. I was about to pee in my pants. Hiding behind my little cubicle office wall was small potatoes compared to the real world of Denny's Undercover.

"…and bacon… and um…"

Oh god. People were here. Eric People.

"And?" Pinky Lids prompted.

"Oh, sorry… sausage links and hash browns and buttermilk pancakes…"

Fuck me sideways. My UPS darling was here. I scrunched down lower in my seat and covered my face with the tri-fold menu, suddenly eying a picture of an egg as big as my head. Eggs would be good… although there was no way I could take sunny side up staring up at me from the plate, all yellow-eyed and judging me.

"aaand scrambled eggs and oatmeal…" I muttered. Scrambled eggs didn't judge.

"You want that oatmeal with all the fixins'?" Pinky tapped her pen.

"Sure." I peeked over the menu. Edward was shaking hands with that trippy grin all over his face. You'd think I'd be immune to watching him from a distance but I wasn't. Maybe I wouldn't ever be. I was about to melt all over the bench seat where I was sitting.

"Anything else?"

I tore my gaze away from Edward and glanced at the menu again. "Umm… oh cool, you guys have English muffins? I'll have some of those."

Pinky rolled her eyes at me and laughed. "Well, you haven't gotten any fruit. You wantin that too?"

"Yeah, sure, I love fruit. And orange juice."

"Thought you said milk…?"

"Yeah…" I could eat _Edward_ for breakfast-dinner. Or whatever the hell this was. Maybe Denny's was some sort of an alternate dimension where time didn't matter. There was no such thing as breakfast, lunch or dinner… there was only Food.

"Oh, wait! I'd like a diet coke to drink, please," I said.

Pinky huffed and flipped her hair at me, shoving her little notepad in her pocket. "Okay, hun. It'll be a few minutes."

She tried to take my menu but I held on tight, resulting in a brief but surreal tug of war competition. Finally she let me have it and I resumed my casual observations, peeping above the tri-fold and then dropping back down.

More Eric people were showing up. He was right… there were some girls in their group. Cute girls! Not like Jessica, all flashy and tanned and brown roots… these girls looked more like me. Except… more hip. I couldn't believe Eric actually knew people that were hip. I'd put on a black fitted t-shirt before I came… one that my brother had given me as a joke. The writing across the front said…

_Come to the Nerd Side. We have Pi._

I'd thrown on my hoodie at the last minute; 'cause what if it was stupid? Like I knew what geek chic was.

I shifted in my seat, biting my thumbnail, watching Edward run long and sexy fingers through his hair. All this stress was really doing a number on my bladder. I _had_ to get up to go to the bathroom or this festive red vinyl seat would suffer the consequences. I waited until Edward turned around then sidled down the aisle, thankful that the ladies room wasn't across the whole restaurant.

Of course when I came out of the bathroom I ran into Eric in all his sleazy glory. Lord help me.

"Swan!" He looked surprised to see me.

I felt mildly affronted. Why was he surprised? I could pull off the geek-nerd-video game… thing… if I wanted to… right?

"Eric," I said, acting cooler than I felt. "How's it going?"

"Swanny, when I gave you the deets about the meeting tonight I had no idea you were actually serious about coming!" Eric was beaming. He had a gold cap on one of his molars. Gross. I would never.

I laughed weakly. "Believe it."

And that was when I looked behind me and noticed my table filling up with food. Like, quadruple Grand Slams. World Series caliber Grand Slams. Oh god. I could actually feel my eyes bug out of my head.

"Duuude, did you order all this for the group? You rock, Swanny, seriously. How'd you know this is where we usually sit?"

"Umm…" I noticed for the first time that Pinky had put me in one of those giant wraparound booths. "Jedi mind games?"

"Tricks," he corrected, his eyes going to the people by the door, the group getting larger by the second.

_Ding! "Welcome to Denny's!"_

_Ding! Ding! Ding! "Welcome to Denny's!"_

"Come on! I'll introduce you!"

"Ohhh, that's really not-"

"You're looking hot tonight, Swan. Like, ragey inferno hot. I've got a total boner for that shirt, man. It makes your tits look spectacular."

"Eric…"

Ugh. He had his arm wrapped tight around my waist and before I knew it, he'd yelled to the group to _come on doooowwwnnn_, Price is Right style. Moron. The guy was a perverted moron.

Fuck. And I had to pee again.

I smiled sheepishly at Edward as his eyes lit up in recognition. Gah, the guy was beautiful.

"Bella! What are you doing here?"

"Hi Edward," I said, in my best non-squeaky voice.

Eric the Creep's hand tightened around my waist and I saw Edward's gaze flick between us, attempting to discern the nature of our relationship.

Trust me Edward. It's a non-relationship. It's not even that much.

"Wait just a minute," Eric groused. "How do you know Bella?"

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><p><strong>*blows kisses*<strong>

**let us know what you think! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**SM owns Twilight. PC and I own UPSward, Pinky, and all this silliness.**

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><p>"Um..." Damn it. What the hell do I say?<p>

"I work UPS and I deliver to her workplace a lot," Edward explained. Bless his heart, he has no idea.

Eric, slimy hand still around my waist, scrunched his unibrow in confusion.

Shit. Here we go.

"What do you mean you're the UPS guy? I work with Bella in the same company, I've never seen you," He narrowed his eyes.

Edward's confused face made my mute ass suddenly perk up to do some damage control.

"That's because you're always stuck inside your cave of an office, _Eric._"

To mark his name with emphasis, I took the opportunity to extricate myself from his grip by pushing away. As I finally freed myself I lost my balance a bit... right into the delicious, lickable arms of Edward. Damn, he smelled good.

I thanked the nerd gods for righting the world.

In that split second, I thought I heard a choir of angels above Edward's head as he looked down at me with his gorgeous green eyes and slight smirk, his beautifully strong hands feeling their way from my waist to my forearms to my shoulders, where he finally rested them.

"You okay?" He whispered, making my body shiver. It didn't really help my need to pee, but there was no way in Hell I was about to break this moment up.

"Yeah, man. I don't think I've ever see you," Edward spoke a little louder, clearly directed towards Eric, but his eyes never left mine. All I needed are those little angels to suddenly appear, flying around him like a halo, singing and playing their lyres.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm usually too busy doing my job, unlike _Swanny_ over here, who's always stalking the front desk talking it up with Jessica every morning. Maybe now I know why," Eric was talking like a petulant child who'd just had his favorite toy taken away, when it wasn't even his to play with.

Edward's eyes lit up, if possible, a little more as Eric pretty much outted me about waiting around for Edward every morning. My blush must've been ten different shade of red, as I noticed Edward's eyes quickly dart to my mouth. It was so quick, I may have been seeing things.

"Hey, guys, let's get started, shall we? I gotta take my grandma to the store later," one puny little blonde kid shouted.

"Yeah, I've got a physics test in the morning," mumbled another disembodied, cracking voice.

That seemed to rouse Eric into game mode.

I took a moment to look around. The girls were smiling at us, almost as if they were watching some YA novel come to life before their eyes. There were all types here. The pubescent, pimply boys with backwards caps, middle-aged and balding men with tee-shirts with what were probably obscure references to sci-fi movies, a couple of shy, clearly introverted girls who probably wrote smutty fan fiction in the privacy of their own rooms, and like I said, some guys and girls who looked pretty normal... like Edward.

"Okay, let's eat and get this show on the road," he said, still eyeing us suspiciously. Edward still had his hands wrapped around my shoulders, and I could feel the heat of them through my shirt.

"You staying?" Edward whispered, causing anther ripple of goosebumps, prompting my need to pee yet again.

"Um, I don't know... um, Let me just go use the restroom first. I'll be right back."

Edward smiled and released me. I was totally bummed out as soon as I no longer felt physical connection with him, but nature called and I almost sprinted to the bathroom.

After doing my business and washing up, I saw my reflection in the mirror.

Wow, my tits really _did_ look spectacular in this shirt.

And then I shivered in disgust when I thought of who had spoken those words.

"_Ugh_, Eric."

After a few second of giving myself a pep talk, I opened the door to walk back to Edward.

"Oh!" I gasped and grabbed my chest.

Holy Shit.

"Hi."

Edward. Leaning against the opposite wall.

And I of course... squeaked.

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><p><strong>LMAO. Have a great day! *smooches* Reviews make UPSward's eyes sparkle. <strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**SM owns everything except Edward's blue Sharpie...**

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><p>"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Edward's voice was quiet but deep, laced with amusement.<p>

"Oh! You can," I blurted. "I mean, you didn't."

He raised his eyebrows slightly.

"I mean… what I think I meant to say is, I didn't mind it." I bit my lip. "Being startled by you. Much better than Eric, believe me."

"Good," he said simply. He rocked back and forth on his heels for moment and hesitated, like he was gathering his thoughts. "Um… I didn't know you were into this stuff. I'm surprised I haven't seen you around before."

"At Denny's?" Yeah, not my first choice in places to hang out, I thought. I liked bacon as much as the next girl but I knew I'd be smelling like pork until I scalded my body in the shower tonight.

"No, no…" he said, flustered, "well, I guess, yeah— it's just that around here, people like us...we all kind of know each other. Or know _of_ each other. And I definitely would have remembered you. Definitely." His thumbs kept fidgeting with the belt loops on his jeans. "I'd uh—noticed you when I would deliver the packages of course, but I just… you know, never had the chance to talk to you."

Holy crow, was he blushing? It was hard to tell in the dim hallway lighting. He was. He was blushing. Oh, you sweet, sweet sexy man.

"I'm kinda new at this," I whispered.

He nodded seriously. "You might need someone to show you the ropes."

_Catalog Item no. 6582 Japanese Silk Bondage Ropes - The Orient Expressions of Excitement, page 89, Winter, 2011, copywriter Bella Swan_

_Admit it. Confessing that your "hands are tied" never sounded so alluring. Powerfully constructed, but still full-on feminine in your choice of rose, seafoam or saffron, this Asian inspired silk love rope crafted in India is destined to please in a myriad of ways…_

"Oh, yes," I breathed. "Edward… show me the ropes."

_Focus Bella! Leave your work at the office!_

"My roommate and I are having this holiday party at our house this Friday and I'd love for you to come, if you want," he said, ignoring my pathetic panting and slobbering. "I'd swing by and get you but I can't—I have to pick up… well, never mind about that. Just… maybe you can come?"

"A party?" My mind rifled through the possibilities.

"Yeah," he smiled, moving a bit closer. "Bring your friend if you want… Jessica, right?"

The world tilted on its axis and not in a good way. Hell no! _Jessica?_

"You want me to bring Jessica?"

"Sure, why not?" Edward was obviously pleased with himself. "As long as you come."

"Okay," I said softly. Like I'd say no. "Um… do I need your number? Or something?"

He immediately patted his pockets. "My phone's on the table back there and I don't have any paper… let's just walk back-"

"No!" I held out a hand to stop him. "I mean… wait. Do you have a pen?" The last thing I wanted was to walk out there and exchange numbers with everyone watching. Creeper would have things to say and I didn't want to hear it the rest of the week.

"Here's a Sharpie," Edward murmured, snapping the string on a marker that had been tied to the pay phone. "Here… write yours on my hand."

It was strangely intimate, writing my numbers on his soft skin, the palm of his hand. When I was finished he pulled away, his fist closing up tight. And I don't think I was the only one breathing hard. He was staring at my mouth when he asked me where he should write his number.

I quickly considered my options. I didn't want anywhere readily visible. "How about… here?" I asked breathlessly.

He blinked at me owlishly before dropping to his knees right there in the smelly hallway of bacon. "You're right. I think this is the perfect place," he whispered. His hand covered mine and we worked together to slide my t-shirt up over my tummy. Very carefully he wrote his name and number in blue Sharpie, finishing it off with a cross-eyed smiley face right above my belly button. He blew on the ink to make sure it had dried.

He stood, hovering over me, his breathing labored. "That won't wash off anytime soon," he grinned, a little lopsided. "Bella."

"Mmhmm?" I answered, in a daze.

"Nothing," he whispered. "I just like saying your name."

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><p><strong>You guys, we love the reviews! Thanks for humoring us in all our silliness. :)<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**SM owns Twilight. I'm sure she never counted on her fans being perverts. **

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><p>His lips were like... <em>right <em>_there_. Like if I stuck my tongue out just enough, I'd taste his plump, _come __hither_ mouth. And when his own tongue peaked out to lick his bottom lip, I'd thought I spontaneously combust.

Did I really want to kiss this boy in a dark Denny's restroom hallway, the faint sounds of flushing toilets the background noise to our romantic moment?

Um, no.

And although my mouth itched to fuse with his, my hands tight-fisted at my sides dying to comb through and grab his erotic, chaotic hair, I resisted. Barely.

Party. Friday.

He wanted me to come.

_Insert immature comment and snicker here._

What? I work for an adult toy company. Double entendre is just another day at the office.

_Oh, baby, trust me. With you involved, I'm sure coming won't be an issue. I mean, look at those fucking fingers. I mean, You could bronze those and display them next to Charlotte's dildos and it would be right at home._

"Bella."

"Hmmm?" In a daze again. Damn him.

"An alliance with Ben? Are you fucking kidding me? I'd rather swallow razors and shit them out one by one!"

Eric's boisterous voice echoed a few feet away and was coming closer. Needless to say the spell was broken and Edward and simultaneously broke away. Edward took his original position against the opposite wall while I cleared my throat and readjusted my shirt, still slightly askew.

"Oh, hey guys," Eric eyeballed us both warily. "What are you doing hanging out here? Dude, we're in the weeds over there. Your expertise is greatly desired. I just need to take a leak. See you guys in a few." And just like that, the squeaky men's room door swung and Eric was out of sight.

Edward chuckled lightly and peered up at me through his thick lashes. "Shall we?"

He gestured for me to walk ahead of him and I nodded silently and followed.

The rest of the night was spent with me in a corner quietly observing the strangely entertaining banter between teams and alliances. Friendships were tested, but their ability to disassociate from their real lives was impressive.

I watched like I was watching a movie. I noticed Edward was a more quiet observer, jotting little notes down on his legal pad, his eyes roving over every individual, but always landing and staying on me more than what would be considered casual. We'd smile at each other and he'd move to scan the group once again.

At the end of the night, I was pleased to find that no one expected me to pay for the food. Everyone put their money in and I was relieved of the monster tab I'd absently ordered due to my inability to think around Edward.

"Hey," Edward whispered from behind me suddenly. I gasped and shivered at his proximity. I really needed to get a fucking grip.

"Come on, I'll walk you to your car," His eyes gleamed.

"Oh, um, sure. I'd like that."

We talked a little more in the parking lot, me leaning against my car door, Edward standing close but not close enough with his hands in his pockets. You could slice the sexual tension in the air with a knife. It was driving me fucking insane.

I briefly fantasized about him taking me right here in the parking lot. He'd slam me against the car, his huge megadick pulsing hard against my glistening core, his hands touching, tugging, roving all over my body, his tongue tasting every available inch of skin until I was a writhing mess, legs wrapped around his waist...

Wow. I think I needed to stop previewing all the incoming adult video shipments. I mean, c'mon, really? _Glistening __core_? The writer in me cringed.

"So, would you humor me and send me a text when you get home? Just so I know you made it?" Edward's lovely, honey voice grounded me back to earth.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure, I will... totally," I scrambled to act like I wasn't a horny mess.

But something told me Edward was a perceptive hottie. He gave me his signature _fuck __me_ smirk, leaned in and laid a gentle kiss... on my cheek.

The heat and softness of his lips on my skin sent me into overdrive.

Did I mention he kissed me on my cheek?

If this is the way his mouth made me react with just an innocent kiss as this, what could this man do to me in a less innocent venue?

I was a panting mess while his mouth lingered on my skin. I could feel his breath tickling my ear as he whispered.

"I had a really nice time tonight. You were a nice surprise." And just like that, he stepped back and opened my car door for me. In a daze, I said nothing but nodded dumbly as I sat in the car and drove off.

_I made it home in one piece. See you tomorrow? -B_

_Absolutely. 10:55 on the dot. ;) Goodnight Bella. -E_

_Goodnight, Edward. -B_

I sighed like a lovesick fool as I entered the bathroom to take a shower. When I looked at my reflection, my eyes scanned the blue marks Edward had left on my tummy. I smiled and traced my fingers on his handiwork.

Would it be creepy to get this permanently tattooed?

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><p><strong>Thanks for all the reviews, guys! They make us smile! We also appreciate the pimping! *smooches*<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**SM owns. DH and I own UPSward and secret, smiley-faced belly rubs.**

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><p>Jessica was getting on my nerves. More than usual. And that's saying something.<p>

"What do you mean you don't want it? It's just how you like it." I frowned down at her, pushing the coffee cup across the front desk.

As far as job rankings go, Jess and I seemed to be fairly equal even though our responsibilities were very different. Sometimes when I was in the break room I made a cup of coffee for her at same time I made one for myself. Not because I had to, but because I'm a nice person. Hear that Karma? _Because I'm a nice person_.

"I mean just what I told you," Jessica said. "If I'm having a coffee date with Edward tonight then I don't want to fill-up before hand."

"It's ten-thirty in the morning," I said flatly. "The only thing you're in danger of filling up with is bullshit."

"Green's not a good color on you, Bella Swan," she said with a sniff. "You're looking more and more like the Grinch every day."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I folded my arms. She was getting close to hurting my feelings. That was the last time I was bringing _her_ coffee!

"Just admit that I have dibs—oh shit! He's here!"

I leaned up against the doorway in an attempt to look casual, a little amazed that Jessica checked her breath, fluffed her hair and pinched her cheeks all the space of about three seconds. She might be a bitch but the girl had skills.

"Good morning," she purred as soon as Edward came in the door. He was slightly out of breath, the hair at his temples damp.

Oh god. Did UPS have professional uniform fitter-people? Because no way in hell did _that_ ass and thighs in _those_ brown shorts just _happen_.

I sighed, my hand unconsciously going to my stomach, rubbing lightly. I knew exactly where that little smiley face was.

"Got three for you today," he said, bending down to leave them on the floor. "Watch out, this one's heavy."

"Oh, good," I smiled, peering at the label. "That one's for me." I looked up. "It's all the literature on the new Tantric chairs."

"Oh…" Edward's cheeks turned a little pink. "Really? Tantric chairs, huh." He moved a step closer.

I nodded, caught up in the nearness of him. "Mhmm… will UPS allow you to bring it back to my office desk? Since it's so… heavy and everything," I murmured. I shivered, still feeling his warm breath on the bare skin of my stomach.

"Bella, don't be rude," Jessica butted in with a glare. "Edward's on a tight schedule. And seriously, stop rubbing your stomach. I'd think you were pregnant if I knew for a fact that you never get any action." She gave me one last scowl then turned the charm on my man. "Edward, where's your thingie? Don't I need to sign?"

"Yes." He straightened and gave her the electronic tablet. "Thanks." He glanced at me through his lashes while Jess was occupied, one of those seductive secret looks, full of promise.

I promptly blushed, melting a gooey trail down the wall.

"Sooo," Jessica smiled and wiggled in her seat. "Where are we going on our coffee date?"

His eyes darted to her then back to me. "I was thinking of that place a block over, on the corner. That good for you, Bella?"

"Oh!" I grinned, delighted. "Yes, it's very good for me."

"NO, it's NOT good for her," Jessica bit out, turning purple. "Bella, the edits on the catalog are back, didn't I tell you?"

My spirits sank. "No, you most certainly did _not_. You said it'd be next week." Oooh, I smelled a rat. A self-absorbed, bleached blonde, nail-artified rat.

"Well, you _know_ how involved that process is. Deadline tomorrow!" She grinned evilly. "You'd better get to work if you don't want an all-nighter in front of you."

"It's okay," Edward said softly. "As long as you come Friday."

"Friday!" Jessica's eyes narrowed. "What's _Friday?"_

Edward looked as if he suddenly understood the bitchy politics going on right in front of his face. "Um…" he grimaced. "Bella, let me take this box to your office and then I really gotta get a move on."

_fuck fuck fuck_… Jess with her claws unleashed was not fun. Not fun at all.

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><p><strong>:) You guys are the best! Thanks for all the reviews and love!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**SM owns Twilight. PC and I own UPSward and his blush at the talk of tantric chairs. **

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><p>My heart thumped loudly as I walked to my office with Edward trailing behind. I could feel his stare on the back of my head. Or maybe he was looking at my ass. Yes, that's it. I was wearing a rather flattering pencil skirt.<p>

Wouldn't hurt to swing the hips out a bit more. Just. Like. This.

As I opened the door and directed him to just put it down anywhere, I started to panic, wondering why he suddenly wanted to come back here when he was obviously rushed.

After giving me quite a view of his fantastic ass he straightened up and turned to gaze at me.

Shit. Unreadable. What the hell do I say?

Then he started taking a step towards me.

Then another.

And another.

I had no idea that my body was taking steps back until my body was pressed against my closed door and he was inches from me.

Then he spoke.

"I'm sorry about what happened back there." His voice was gruff and deep and if I were one of those cartoons, I'd morph into a pile a goo at his feet.

I wanted to lick his voice. Like, what the fuck?

"Sorry," I cleared my gritty throat. "Sorry for what?"

"The whole Jessica thing. I swear I didn't know what she was up to. I told her to invite you along for coffee. I thought you guys were friends."

I snorted. Yes. Not the sexiest response, but it's all I had, folks.

"Jessica's a co-worker. I have to play nice or it makes for unworkable conditions. And, by the way, she told me you asked _her_ for coffee."

Edward scrunched his eyebrows together and shook his head.

"Nope. She wanted coffee, I told her to bring you along. She told me you were going so I set a day. She's kind of a bitch then."

"Mhhmm. Kind of."

Sue me. I was inches away from The Lips, so my brain was all wonky. I couldn't look away.

"You don't have to bring her on Friday. Just as long as you're there," he whispered, eyes dropping to my mouth.

_Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Goddamnit, kiss me._

I swallowed hard.

"I'll be there."

"Good. I'll text you the address tonight. Is that okay?"

"Okay. Yes. Fine. Texting. I can do that." _Oh,__you__'__re__so__pathetically__horny,__Swan._

"Great. I should get going," he said as his fingers came up to my face and swept a wisp of hair that had fallen out of my loose bun behind my ear. The hardly-there feeling of his fingers on the shell of my ear had my eyes rolling to the back of my head.

"I like this skirt, by the way," He whispered in my ear as his other hand lightly swept over the swell of my hip as he finally moved away and opened the door to leave.

I was a mess.

I followed him out slowly as he took quick, easy steps towards reception and only heard his voice as he shouted over his shoulder, "Hey, sorry Jessica, but I won't be able to make coffee tonight. Something just came up and needs personal attention. See you around!" I caught his glance right before he left. He had an evil, sexy smirk, eyes roving over my body before jetting off to the truck.

Cheeky bastard.

I sighed a little too loudly. Jessica looked livid. Like steam-out-of-your-ears mad.

How entertaining.

"What's friday," she asked forcefully. He eyes wanted to burn holes in my skull.

"Oh, I'm not at liberty to say, Jessica. It's not my gig. Anyway, I have to head back to work. You know, since I have a _deadline_ and all."

As I walked, no... sauntered my way back to my office, I could hear Jessica's frustrated grunt.

And I smiled.

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><p><strong>Take that, bitchy Jessica. This is fun. ;) Reviews are like Edward's lips millimeters from your face. Swoon. We appreciate every one. *smooches*<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**SM owns. DH and I own Edward's flirty sexting...**

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><p><em>I'm worried about u being there alone. Ur building has a security guard right? –E<em>

_Yes, worrywart. He knows I'm here. I'll be fine. –B_

_Sry… I kinda have this thing with making sure my packages all reach their final destinations, safe and sound. ;) –E_

_Ohhh, I see. Ur interest in me is purely professional. One of ur many parcels 2 carry around in ur big brown truck? ;) –B_

_Precious cargo. –E_

_Am I fragile? Am I a big package or a small one? –B_

_Very delicate. I'd handle u with care. As for size, ur just right. –E_

_Awww. I bet u say that 2 all your packages in the truck. –B_

_Nope. Just one. –E_

_I wonder if I'll rattle if u shake me. –B_

_It's hard 2 say. Of course then I'd have 2 open you up, inspect u all over. Make sure all ur parts were in perfect working order. –E_

_Oh, everything is in perfect working order, I assure u. Well oiled. –B_

_That's 2 bad. I kind of liked the squeak. ;) –E_

_…_

_Where'd u go little package? –E_

_I'm here. Maybe a little embarrassed. All wrapped in a lovely shade of red. –B_

_How can you be embarrassed over a squeak when u just texted about being lubricated? Lol –E_

_I'm a funny little package. -B_

_You're a pretty little package. -E_

_TY… tho ur making me blush again. –B_

_mmm, wish I could see that. -E_

_And earlier- I said oiled! But lubricated works 2. Also slick, slippery… wet. ;) –B_

_Damn, woman! Ur killing me. –E_

_I'm sry… should I stop? –B_

_Fuck, no. –E_

_:) –B_

_I really want 2 unwrap u. –E_

_I'd like that. –B_

_I don't want u to think we're moving 2 fast, Bella. I feel like I barely know u, even though I first saw u months ago. –E_

_U did? I didn't know… I thought I was the one who noticed u. –B_

_I'm a very sly noticer. –E_

_That's not a word. -professional copywriter_

_I know. I just made it up. -professional improviser  
><em>

_Do you think we're moving 2 fast? I mean, we're just talking, right? –B_

_I think it will be very hard to keep my hands off u when I see u again, that's what I think. –E_

_I'll make sure all my ribbons are tied just so u can untie them. –B_

_Fuck. How much longer do u have there? I think u need a personal escort home. Ur in a very dangerous area. –E_

_I've got several hours yet. It might help if I actually worked instead of flirting with u. –B_

_Shit, I'm sorry. I'll leave u alone. Get 2 work so u can go home. –E_

_Don't u dare! Just, maybe u can check on me in a little while? –B_

_Done. Go work. -E_

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><p><em>Bella? Still there? –E<em>

_Yeah. Getting closer. –B_

_Okay. I'll check back in with u later. –E_

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><p><em>How do you feel about midnight snacks? –E<em>

_I love them, but it's already past midnight. Besides, I'm packing up 2 go home. Yay me! –B_

_GOOD. Call ur security guard and make him walk u out. -E_

_Are u always this bossy in the middle of the night? –B_

_Always. –E_

_Yes sir! –B_

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><p><em>In the car, safe and sound. –B<em>

_Let me know when u get home? –E_

_I will. –B_

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><p><em>I'm home… about 2 get into my jammies. Sleepy. –B<em>

_Good. Glad ur home, finally. Describe the pajamas, plz. If u don't mind. –E_

_Um… they're not really anything special. –B_

_I find that hard 2 believe. Tell me. –E_

_Just a tank top and underwear. –B_

_Ur wrong. It's perfect. Color? –E_

_White. A little see-thru :) –B *blushing*_

_Ur perfect. More than perfect. –E_

_Will I see u tomorrow? –B_

_I'm off tomorrow. My first day off in 4 months. –E_

_I'll miss u. I was hoping u could carry some more boxes back 2 my office 4 me. –B_

_I'll see u tomorrow night. I'll miss u too. –E_

_Goodnight, Edward. Thanks for 'talking' 2 me tonight. –B_

_Anytime. And I'll always carry ur boxes, Bella. –E_

_My bows will be tied and ribbons curled, waiting for u. –B_

_Goodnight. Tho I'm not sure how much sleep I'll be getting after that little statement. –E_

_XOXOXO 3 –B_

_Until tomorrow, little package. -E_

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading! :)<em><br>_**


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry! I've been out of internets for the past 3 days, and have been battling a lingering strep throat that has suddenly spread to the skin on my face, if you can believe it. I'm on heavy antibiotics and spent all day in the ER. But I am home, and resting, and got my internet back, so I thought I'd give you all a little Christmas gift. TY all for being so patient!**

**SM owns Twilight, but PC and I own Little Package and Delivery Boy ;)**

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><p>"What's tonight?"<p>

"Jess, stop. Just, stop. I told you I can't tell you."

"It's not fair! I want to know! I told you about the coffee date." She actually stomped her foot that time.

"Pfft! Yeah! You rubbed it in my face that Edward had asked _you_ to your awesome coffee date when, in fact, he had invited the both of us!"

She gasped dramatically, following behind me as I walked to get some coffee down the hall. "That was clearly a miscommunication! Had I known he meant for both of us to meet with him I wouldn't have hesitated to tell you! Now tell _meeee_!"

"Okay, Jessica, the whining?" I turned to face her, gesturing my finger up and down. "It's not a good look for you." I picked up my steaming hot cup and walked back to my office.

Once I sat down at my desk, Jessica paused at my doorway, a look of utter deviousness shone through her little beady eyes.

"I'll find out, you know."

I rolled my eyes. "That's fine, Jessica. Find out. I'm just not gonna be the one to give you information that's not mine to give."

She huffed and walked away, her heels clip-clopping on the wood floor farther and farther away.

When I checked my phone, I noticed I had a text message waiting. A sudden heat bloomed within me and I quickly closed my door, locking it just to be sure.

_How's my little package? :) -E_

_Fighting off Jessica & her incessant need for alpha status. But fine, otherwise :) -B_

_I'm sry I invited her along to coffee. I always thought u 2 were friends, thought if I made a good impression on the friend, I'd be in w/u. -E_

_Is that how that works? -B_

_Supposedly, but then again, I'm taking advice from my brother, since I have no skills. -E_

_NO SKILLS? r u shitting me? I think u have plenty ;) -B_

_But I'm just a lonely gamer nerd. I was the epitome of awkward in school. -E_

_Well, that's not you now. Definitely not. And I'm not buying that innocent act either. -B_

_No? I'm really not as confidant as you think I am. It's all a ruse. -E_

_Yeah, ok. I'll believe that when i see it. -B_

_Is that a challenge, little package? -E_

_Hmmm... Maybe? ;) -B_

_Ur making it really hard for me to finish my errands. -E_

_Really? Am I making it REALLY hard? -B_

_You r a dangerous woman. -E_

_I'm an angel. So what's got you so busy on your long-awaited day off? -B_

_Studying this morning, finishing up some programming for a project, prepping for the party, etc etc. -E_

_So what time shall I arrive? Should I bring anything? -B_

_Nothing but yourself tied up in those ribbons and bows you described last night. -E_

_Hmm. Careful, your imagination might be disappointed in the reality. -B_

_Impossible. My imagination is usually spot on & what it sees is quite exciting. -E_

_*blushes* -B_

_And THAT. I love that. -E_

_lol. So what time, delivery boy? -B_

_8... no... 7:30. I want you all to myself a bit before everyone gets here. -E_

_okay. see you then. I'm being summoned by the boss. xoxo -B_

_Can't wait to see you, little package ;) -E_

Sigh. He never ceases to put me in a haze, even with just words on a screen.

"Bella, I need you, please."

"I'll be right there, Charlotte."

I walked over to the CEO's office for our weekly roundup of tasks I need to take care of.

She's a wonderful boss, and I'm blessed that she likes me so much.

She applauded me for having everything for the catalogue in on time and perfect. It's good to know my English degree served for something, even if I'm describing the use of anal beads with fluffy adjectives.

Before I knew it, it was quitting time and I was off like a prom dress. I didn't even register Jessica's sour face as she ignored my goodbye. I also noticed Eric on his way to his car.

"So, you're headin' to Edward's tonight, right?" Eric asked friendly enough.

"Uh, yeah. I should be there," I replied clicking the remote to unlock my car.

"Great! I'll see you then! Should be fun!" He gleefully closed his door and sped away.

Later that evening, after doing everything that we girls do to primp for an outing, I slipped on my little black dress and flats and took one last look in the hallway mirror. I adjusted my little red bow, sitting pretty at the center of my cleavage.

Although I'm not presumptuous, it doesn't hurt to be prepared, so I left the apartment fully armed with my most prized power lingerie under my outfit.

Bring it on, delivery boy.

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><p><strong>So, will Edward be smart enough to have the mistletoe at the ready? What's he hiding? Do you think you know? Because I honestly have NO IDEA lol *maybe PC knows* lol<strong>

**Again, Merry Christmas to all of you and may it be filled with happiness and peace.**


	14. Chapter 14

**SM owns! DH and I own Jessena. Glad you're feeling better, bb. :)**

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><p>I hadn't recognized the street, but I was pleased to see that Edward didn't live that far from me, all things considered. The butterflies were coming to life in my stomach and I knew why Edward had suggested I bring Jessica to the party. No one likes walking in to a party alone. Hopefully I'd get there early enough that I didn't feel like such a dork.<p>

I flipped on the radio but changed the station fast. I liked Selena Gomez as much as the next girl but she was Jessica's absolute favorite, meaning that more often than not, some form of her music was playing in the hallways at work. Not to mention desktop background and screen savers. Nowhere was safe, not even the elevators; Jess had found Selena's greatest hits in Muzak. Eric the Creeper liked to tease by calling her Jessena just to watch her face turn purple. She was a little frightening in her devotion, but it was her.

Yeah, I was feeling guilty about Jessica. _Such a softie_, my mom would always say because I could never hold a grudge. I wasn't feeling quite so magnanimous that I was going to call her and tell her where I was, however. I grinned to myself. Edward was allll mine, _Jessena_.

I drove slowly through a charming little neighborhood… smallish houses with big front porches. Lots of trees.

_Final destination_… my GPS chirped in a sultry British voice. I gulped. It was already pretty dark and plenty of cars were here. Where should I park? Boldly in the driveway or down the street? I pictured myself biting my lip, standing in the doorway of my delivery boy's room as the party wound down…

_Edward, my car seems to be blocked in… I guess I'll have to spend the night in your bed…_

I wiggled in my seat. Geez, I'd just turned myself on just thinking about him. I was going to be an absolute mess when he was actually in front of me… when I could see him, smell him. Touch him. I shivered and sighed, checking my lip-gloss in the rear view mirror. Down, girl. At least _pretend_ to play a little hard to get…

As I walked up the sidewalk I noticed someone sitting on the front porch steps smoking a cigarette, the orange glow pulsing bright whenever they inhaled. A girl. A really pretty girl, who stared at me balefully as I made my way to the door.

"Hi," I said.

"Edward invited you, didn't he?" The girl ground the living daylights out of the cigarette with her biker boot. Yikes.

"Um, yeah," I said. "I'm Bella." I thought about trying to shake her hand or something but frankly I was afraid she'd stab me with the knife I was sure she had hidden somewhere in her bra.

She shrugged and stared out to the street. "My name's Kate. The ex-girlfriend."

"Oh." _Great_. "Nice to meet you," I said lamely, moving up the steps, getting the fuck outa dodge. The ex-girlfriend? Gee, thanks for the heads up, Edward.

The front door was already open so I peeked inside as I knocked. My beautiful boy was right there, in some sort of silent standoff with a tall blonde. She had that same coppery sheen to her hair that I'd been dying to run my hands through ever since I'd seen Edward walk through the office door. She glared at me and turned her back at the same time Edward's face lit up.

"Bella!" he smiled, looking relieved. "God, I'm so glad you're here."

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><p><strong>Hmmm... surely Edward didn't plan to have the Ex there; someone must have been planning a reunion behind his back! Don't worry. Bella's got some strong mojo working in those power panties DH gave her.<strong>

**Thanks for reading!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry it took so long to update! RL's been crazy the last 48 hrs. But here's a little insight to who that blonde chick is. Some of you were right on the money. **

**SM owns Twilight. PC and I own crazy exes and UPSward's bedroom...**

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><p>His smile alone was enough to almost make me forget about the huge bowl of awkward that was served up a second ago.<p>

Almost. Not quite.

I didn't even have a second to react before I was engulfed in Edward Scent. Pure, clean Edward. A hint of some fuckawesome cologne that made me want to purr and melt into him and do some pretty inappropriate things that one shouldn't do in polite company.

His arms were tight around my waist, and I didn't quite know what to do with my own arms. The quick glance of disdain given by whoever this chick was in front of me wasn't helping my decision-making either.

"Sorry about this. I hope Kate didn't make you feel awkward out there," Edward whispered in my ear as he continued embracing me. I gingerly placed my hands on the backs of his broad shoulders and sighed.

The problem I was having was I couldn't really answer. Aside from the Edward Scent assault and Bitchface over there, I didn't know what to say and factor in the ex outside, and I was at a complete loss.

"Mhmm. It's... It's okay." Brilliant, Bella. Just brilliant.

Edward broke away from the hug, but not before gently kissing the skin under my ear, sending shivers up and down my body. His eyes traveled the length of my body and his smirk was full on sex.

"You look amazing."

"Thank you. So do you."

And he did. I was worried I'd be a bit overdressed but realized I had nothing to fear when I saw Edward in dark jeans, black Docs, a black, button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up just so and halfway opened so a little of his graphic tee peaked out underneath. A Firefly shirt. Of course.

He made being a geek outrageously hot.

"Thanks. Here, let me introduce you to my sister, Rose. Rose, this is my friend, Bella," he said in a warning tone as he guided me over to the reddened Rose who's arms were crossed in pretty clear body language.

"Nice to meet you," I extended my hand, feeling Edward's at the small of my back.

"Pleasure," she deadpanned, glaring at my hand before limply returning the gesture and shaking it, if that's what you want to call what she did.

"Yeah. She's here visiting for the holidays. Rose, we'll talk more later. I'm taking Bella on the grand tour," she glared pointedly at her before she huffed and walked away towards another room.

"Again, sorry about that," he looked at me as he continued guiding me through the tasteful apartment.

"It's okay. I understand family drama and all that. It's almost a staple of the holidays along with Christmas trees, presents, spiked eggnog and shattered expectations."

Edward let out a true, heartfelt chuckle. It was was beautiful to see him so carefree after the tense scene from before. It made me laugh along with him, it was so infectious.

"Oh, Bella. Your sense of humor's right up my alley. Here, this is the living room," he said stopping at a small, but otherwise neat and orderly living room, with a comfy couch I wouldn't mind riding him on.

Before my mind could elaborate on that fantasy a bit more, Edward ushered me towards a guest bathroom and two bedrooms at the end of the hall. When he stopped at one of the closed doors, he seemed a bit nervous.

"And this is, uh..."

Such a boy. I decided to ease his worries a bit.

"Your room? Can I see?" I asked, glancing at him through my lashes.

Edward sighed in relief, smiling shyly. "I just didn't want to presume anything, you know..."

"I know. I don't think you're presuming. But I honestly wouldn't mind a minute to talk a bit, you know, alone and stuff," I shrugged. I honestly did want to talk- especially about Little Miss-Kate-I'm-the-ex Chick. I wanted to clear that out of the way so we could make out like teenagers on his bed.

"Talk and stuff?" he shrugged teasingly back, his lopsided grin making an appearance again. "Okay. We'll talk... and stuff. Exactly why I wanted you to come a little earlier anyway." He took my hand in his warm one, and opened the door.

Once inside, I was surprised at what I found.

"Wow."

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><p><strong>AN: What-oh-what could be in that room that's got B so surprised? lol I have no idea... but I'm sure PC will figure something out lol.**

**I think I speak for the both of us when I say we appreciate every single review. And we tip our hats to all those who pimp, tweet, post our link on FB and spread the word. You make use want to write.**

**Hopefully back into the swing of things with one or two updates a day after today... (except possibly for the 31st and 1st) but you never know! lol**


	16. Chapter 16

**SM owns... DH and I are left with Edward's sparkly Christmas lights and two fully clothed orgasms...Which doesn't sound too bad...**

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><p><em>Wow<em> was an understatement. Edward's room was all dark wood and navy blue; a football lay on the floor next to a light saber propped up in the corner. Next to the ultimate kick-ass computer. The room wasn't that big but he'd made the most of his space. One entire wall was bookshelves, from floor to ceiling, with little white Christmas lights strung around. They were the only lights on in the room and the effect was magical. Romantic. Aw, man. _And_ he loved to read. I glanced at him with new eyes, feeling shy all of a sudden. Not only was he the hottest thing I'd ever seen, he was… he was kind of perfect. The boy knew the quickest way to my heart without even knowing it.

"Your books…" I breathed. And they weren't all gamer magazines. He had classics, new releases, stuff I'd read, stuff I hadn't read but wanted to... _real_ books.

An embarrassed grin spread over his face. "Yeah, I thought you'd like that." He ran a tentative hand through the ends of my hair, curling a section around his finger. It made me shiver. If I didn't watch it I was going to fall hard and end up bitter and angry and brokenhearted like Kate. Maybe I'd resort to wearing biker boots and leather jackets with spikes on the arms….

No. Surely not.

"God, what are you thinking?" Edward laughed. "You have the saddest look on your face." He stepped close and kissed me gently on the neck, breathing in deep. "Don't be sad," he murmured.

_I'm not_, I wanted to say, but I'd forgotten how to speak. Which was so strange because I was certain I'd been fairly articulate a few minutes ago.

His hands slid up to cradle my face. "Bella?"

I opened my eyes. When had I closed them? _Speak, you moron, speak! Hot guy, twelve o'clock!  
><em>

I made some sort of noise that must have been good enough for him because he kept going, skimming his lips across my cheek, my chin, the corner of my mouth… oh god. His tongue dipped and traced before he bit at my lip, and then his breaths were as harsh as mine and his hands were everywhere and oh my god I could feel him hot and hard pressed up against my hip. His thumb had already found my nipple.

"Can I kiss you?" he mumbled into my mouth. Holy crap, he asked for permission to kiss me with his hand on my boob? I _loved_ the way this boy's mind worked. Such a gentleman on the outside. But on the inside? Holy hell.

Since I'd long lost the power of speech, I moved my hands to twist in the hair at the back of his head and yanked his mouth to mine. He seemed to like that just fine for an answer because the next thing I knew he'd pressed me back on his bed, shamelessly grinding his perfect self into me.

"Oh god… oh _fuck_," I gasped, finally finding my voice. His fingers were magic over my chest, even through two layers of fabric. He brought his lips up from my neck and kissed me again hard, tasting sweet and tart, moaning into my mouth. Pulling back after a few seconds he watched me, his face strained, eyes dark.

"There?" He rubbed his delicious hard parts against me.

I nodded, panting, but his eyes narrowed. He shifted his hips slightly and I swear I saw stars when my eyes rolled back in my head.

"_There_," he said. I felt more than heard his chuckle of satisfaction and then we were staring at each other again, this thing between us so intense I wanted to cry, beg him to never leave me.

"Don't… don't stop," I choked out, forgetting how to breathe. "Oh oh _almost_… Edward, oh _god_…" I ran a weak hand over his neck, his chest. His heart was beating crazy wild.

His nostrils flared, determination crossing his face. "Come on, baby, beautiful, you're so beautiful…" His hips ground into mine, frenzied, and I thought of how hard the muscles in his calves must be working… calves… legs… those little brown UPS shorts…

With thoughts of the shorts, I hurtled over the edge, barely aware that he caught my scream in his kiss. Edward went utterly still above me, and then he collapsed, his weight pushing me delightfully into the mattress. I couldn't move, and it wasn't because he was lying on me. I'd lost my bones somewhere over there next to his bookcase. I'd never, ever come that fast. Not even when I'd tried out the newest model of the Super-Duper Mega-Magic Wonderwand

"Oh my God," he gasped, rolling to the side. "Bella, Bella, Bella…" he crushed me to him, kissed my forehead. If I didn't love him already the forehead kiss would have sealed the deal. Oh boy. I was in deep craptastic crapola.

He grinned, still peppering me with tiny kisses. "Fuck, I'm sorry. That was like, 90 seconds, tops."

"I'm not complaining," I giggled. "But I thought we were just going to talk."

"You must really love my bookcase," he murmured, and then he kissed me slowly, sweetly. "To attack me like that."

"What?" I said, laughing outright. "I guess it's your babe-magnet of a room," I teased, "with your low lighting and your little flat screen TV."

His face turned serious, even worried. "It's not… I mean, I'm not like that, Bella. I've never even had a girl in here before."

"Edward… you don't have to say that. Really. It's okay."

"But it's true. I haven't been with anyone in such a long time… and definitely not after seeing you for the first time. Seriously. Months ago." He stroked my cheek, a whisper of a touch. "What you do to me…"

"What about Kate?" Yeah, I sometimes had a problem with letting things go.

"Kate?" He sighed. "I spent a summer with my sister last year, that's where I met Kate. She's… intense."

"Um… yeah," I agreed.

"I swear I didn't know she was coming," he said, tucking my hair behind my ear. "My sister had said she had a surprise for me but I should have known better. Her surprises are never good."

I frowned. "That wasn't very nice."

"That's Rose," he said darkly. "I picked her up from the airport and she waltzed up with Kate."

We were quiet for a minute before he said, "I didn't mean for this to happen so fast, I hope you know that. I want to know you Bella… all of you. I want to do this right."

"Okay," I whispered, my tummy butterflies doing the tango. Could this man get any more perfect? I think not.

He sighed when we heard car doors slamming, laughter and people walking up the sidewalk. I wondered if Kate was still on the steps. Or hiding and plotting my demise with Edward's sister. He kissed me one last time before he got up.

"You made me mess up my pants," he grinned. "You're gonna pay for that later."

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><p><strong>Is that Eric the Creeper I hear outside? LOL! Only DH knows...<strong>

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	17. Chapter 17

**Got a little wordy with this one. But I have a feeling you all won't mind ;)**

**SM owns. PC and I own Firefly teeshirts and loud, nerdy friends.**

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><p><em>Make me pay, baby. Make me pay.<em>

I giggled nervously and stood up, hurrying over to his bathroom mirror to straighten myself out.

Wow. I looked awesome.

Wild hair, dress resting askew and asymmetrical on my shoulder. Lips swollen and lipgloss a bit smeared. I smiled at the entire randomness of the situation.

Because it was true. I didn't expect for that to happen. Not at all. I thought we _would_ talk. I mean, we have a lot to talk about. Still. Even after his semi-explanation.

I still don't know how long he and Kate were together. I don't know why they broke up. I don't know why Kate would feel like coming here tonight was a good idea. Was it Rose's doing? Did she lie to them both? Is she her bff or something?

My smile faltered a bit at the next thought.

Maybe this...THIS is all Edward wants.

A diversion? Casual? No strings?

Edward slinked in behind me, his arm reaching around my waist and brought me to his warmth.

"What's up?" He asked simply.

I sighed and stared at him in the reflection. Understanding crept up his face within seconds.

"We'll talk more. After everyone leaves, okay? Please stay. And don't let me sister mess up this night for us." And with that, he kissed the crook of my neck and took my hand to lead us out the door and out of our bubble.

"Hey! There's the man! Dude! What the fuck was that shit with that bullshit ambush, man? That was totally out of left field! I thought you loved me, man!"

A lanky, black-haired guy with black-rimmed glasses and a Starship Troopers teeshirt stood in the living room with a beer in one hand and shoving Edward's shoulder with the other.

"Ben! How's it hangin'?"

"Low and to the left, my friend. Low and to the left. But you're still not answering my question, motherfucker... Oh," Ben stopped as soon as he saw me peak over Edward's shoulder. "Well, hello there, m'lady." His voice dropped comically as he dropped his chin and wiggled his eyebrows.

"Ben, this is Bella. Bella, my friend, Ben. He's one of the gamer guys in the league," Edward spoke shyly, looking a little embarrassed. Aw, he was too adorbs.

I stuck out my hand in greeting. "Nice to meet you, Ben."

Ben took my hand and shook it before attempting the _rico suave_ moves and placing a small kiss on my hand. "The pleasure is _all_ mine," he winked before leaning away. "Shit, man. You hit the lotto. She's a hottie."

"Fuck you, Ben. Stop talking about her like she's not right in front of you," Edward chastised him.

"Oh, sorry," he quickly amended, then looked straight at me. "You're a hottie."

I laughed as Edward groaned.

"Thanks, Ben," I answered politely.

"And I mean that in the nicest possible way. I've got my girl, so there's no danger of my sweeping you off your feet away from Eddie boy here. Angie's the _ying_ to my _yang_, you know?"

"Where is Angie, by the way?" Edward asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, she's around... I think she's talking to Leah or something or other. Hey, it was nice meeting you, Bella, but my bottle's empty and that's a problem. Edward," he gestured with his chin, "thanks for the party, man. Xbox later, dude. It's time for some redemption."

"Keep dreaming, Benji."

"Well, he's an interesting character," I mused as Edward lead me further into the mix of guest, still holding my hand.

"Ben's a good guy. He tends to puff up when he's around beautiful women," he leaned in and kissed my cheek.

This guy.

As he greeted his guests with bro-slaps on the shoulder and special handshakes, or gentle cheek kisses to the nerdy girls I secretly thought were pretty damn cool, especially Angie, Ben's girlfriend. She was a cute little brunette with dark-rimmed glasses and a steampunk Hello Kitty shirt with a dark jean skirt with argyle knee-high socks and ballet flats.

We started chatting it up as Edward stayed right by my side talking to Ben when someone yelled at Edward to go fix something with the Xbox.

"You'll be okay here?" Edward asked cautiously.

"What? Yeah, of course, go. I'm talking to Angie."

"Yeah, she's talking to me!" Angie smiled, pushing him away.

Edward smiled and kissed my temple. "I'll be right back."

"I've never seen him like this," Angie observed.

I cleared my throat. "Like what?"

"All dreamy in a daze. It's nice. He had a bit of a hard time there for a bit with that Kate chick. You saw her outside?"

"Yeah, I saw her. She's... interesting."

"Yeah. That's a good word for it. I don't know what Edward ever saw in her."

I looked around and noticed everyone having a good time, and when my eyes met Edward's, I realized he was already looking at me. His smirk was full blast.

If he were a superhero, he'd have the ability to melt panties with a single smirk.

I felt my cheeks blush and shyly looked back at Angie, who apparently saw the whole thing. She smiled at me all sappy. "You guys are too cute."

I smiled back at her, because yeah, we _were_ kinda cute.

As I looked away, however, my smile completely disappeared as I heard some of the guest shout out.

"Eric! What's up! Hey! Eric!" Collective voices in greeting were loud and boisterous. At the door was Eric, and someone I was hoping I wouldn't see tonight.

"Jessica," I mumbled.

I quickly excused myself to the kitchen to grab something else to drink and really just to keep myself away from her as much as possible so I could think.

But when I walked in, I noticed two more reasons this party could very easily go to shit.

Rose and Kate were chatting quietly at the kitchen island before their heads shot up.

Kate's expression was apologetic-slash-awkward while Rose's eye shot daggers at me.

Time to put my big girl panties on.

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><p><strong>AN: RU-Roh! Jessica, Rose AND Kate. Is the universe out to get Bella or what? At least Angie's on her side, no?**

**Happy New Year to all our wonderful and loyal readers. May 2012 bring you and yours peace, love, and happiness.**

**Reviews are love :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**SM owns... DH and I own Tyler's party punch and Kate's lovely tattoos... ;)**

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><p><em>Catalog Item no. 523<strong>,<strong>** Five Easy Steps to Rockin' Your Man's World** by Sindy Slamm_

_page 126, Winter, 2011, copywriter Bella Swan_

_Need more confidence? Don't we all! A beautiful woman such as yourself need only maximize the powerful sexual potential simmering just below your naturally glistening and glittery surface. With a few effortless steps of enlightenment, you'll understand what that mysterious male animal desires inside the bedroom and out. Capture his heart by revealing the new and improved, glorious you! Trust us, your man won't be able to resist. The five most sought after, time-tested secrets to enthrall, titillate and fascinate your partner can be yours for a mere $29.95._

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><p>Shit. Rose and Kate dead ahead. Confidence, Bella! Confidence.<p>

"Hi." I kept my voice as strong as I could manage and I didn't lose eye contact. We were only in the kitchen. There was no law against being in the kitchen.

Edward's sister raised her eyebrows and gestured to the plastic pitcher on the counter between them. "Drink?" It was a sneer, a snarl, I don't know… but she obviously thought I was too much of a rookie to have what was in _her_ little red cup.

I didn't know the protocol to surviving in a gamer-girl biker-chick world but even I could feel that this was sort of a test. So of course, in true Bella Swan fashion I hesitated and fumbled around the doorway like a ninny.

"Um. Sure," I said meekly, walking a few steps. "What is it?"

"Ohhh," Rose waved her hand around. "It's a little something Tyler put together," she said sweetly. "You might not like it though… it's a bit strong. If you don't think you can handle it my grandmother left a few wine coolers in the fridge."

I snorted and squared my shoulders. "I'm sure I'll be fine," I said, giving them both a lofty look. I might not be an outrageous party pro like Jess or fit in with the chain-smoking tattooed crowd, but I still had my Daddy's Irish roots. Sure I could handle Tyler's party punch or whatever the hell it was.

Kate looked worried. "It really is a little strong," she said as she watched Rose pour a generous amount into my plastic red cup. "I'd go easy on it if I were you."

"Bottoms up," Rose grinned as she drained the rest of her cup in one gulp. "Don't go drinking this too fast. You should save some for the rest of us."

I nodded and took a healthy swig. As my eyes watered and I burned my esophagus away to nothing I was reminded of my Mom's General Rules of Life, specifically numbers 27 and 148. _If everyone jumps off the Brooklyn Bridge, it doesn't mean you have to_, and _For god's sake, Isabella, never drink anything that smells like paint thinner. _

Kate patted my back as I coughed. "I can't believe you drank that," she laughed.

"I can't believe she did either!" A boy said, getting ice from the refrigerator. He came over and turned the pitcher around so that I could see the skull and crossbones drawn on the side in black marker. "If you survive you'll be like, legendary around here." He left, laughing.

If I _survived?_

Rose muttered something about the bathroom and stalked out, leaving me alone with my ruined throat and damaged pride. And a girl who looked like she went through three eyeliner pencils a day.

"Oh my god," I whispered after a minute. "What is that?"

"It's some shit Tyler makes in his backyard." Kate smiled at me over the rim of her cup.

"M-moonshine? Seriously?" And was it just me or did everything suddenly go double…?

"Nah, I think it's stronger than moonshine," she said. "I don't know though. I've never had it. Only Tyler drinks that shit."

"What are you drinking?" I asked hoarsely.

"Diet Coke."

And what is _she_ drinking?" I asked, waving at the door where Rose disappeared.

"Water."

I nodded, sliding against the cabinets to sit my butt right down on the yellow checked linoleum. I didn't think I was going anywhere in the foreseeable future. Surprisingly, Kate slid down next to me and we existed for a moment in companionable silence.

"Edward is great." Kate ventured, cutting her eyes at me.

I blinked woozily and made some sort of an affirmative answer.

"He was always more mainstream than other gamers, you know? I'm not surprised he likes you. You look pretty normal. I read one of his campaign journals one time… it was so fucking awesome. I mean, other guys just list the shit they do in a game… but Edward? He writes it out like a story, like it could be a bestselling novel or some shit. For all the games online, too." She sighed mournfully. "He's a genius."

Geez. I was such a bleeding heart. "I'm so sorry," I whispered sincerely. I watched as she leaned forward, putting her head on her knees. I wished I wasn't seeing two of her so I could know which one to concentrate on.

"He didn't want me... I'm never good enough for anyone!" she cried.

_Motherscrucker_. How do I get into these situations?

"It's okay." I patted her back, noticing the giant fucking "E" tattoo showing through her thin white t-shirt. "Oh… that's a lovely E tattoo you have there on your shoulder."

"Thanks," she sniffed.

_Ask. Just go ahead and ask, Bella._

"Is it… is it for… Edward? Because you loved him so much?" I felt like I might barf.

Her head popped up at that. "For Edward? Hell no. I got these then I was eight," she said proudly. "My initials. See? I have a big K on the other shoulder. For Evgenii Katyuska."

I was in the Twilight Zone. This was confirmed when Jessica burst into the kitchen grinning from ear to ear.

"Omigod, omigod, BELLA," she squealed. "You'll never guess who I've been talking to." Of course she didn't wait for an answer. "This guy, this fantastically cute, hot guy. He looks like a surfer boy… all blond hair and blue eyes and dimples! Anyway, he's just the sweetest thing. We were talking about music and can you believe that he took his little sister to a Miley Cyrus concert last week? How precious is he?" She did a little twirl, right there by the kitchen table. "I think I _love_ him!"

"Do you know her?" Kate asked dubiously.

"Uh… no," I said. "Never seen her before in my life."

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><p><strong>Sooo...party punch anyone? <strong>

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	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry for the lateness! Tuesday was my first day back at work and it was CRAZY busy. And when I got home, I had 1/2 of this done, but fell asleep shortly after and couldn't finish until now after work.**

**Again, let me reiterate that this is completely un-betad. All errors are ours in our respective chapters. This little experiment is just for fun, and it's light and we're totally flying by the seat of our pants. If you're along for the ride, welcome!**

**SM owns. PC and I own the mystery punch and drunk Bella.**

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><p>Jessica continued to buzz about like a frenetic bumble bee spewing stuff about how love at first sight really exists and how her and this Mike guy were totally MFEO...<p>

And yes, she used the acronym. Gag.

I moved cautiously and dumped the rest of the diesel fuel in my cup down the drain and took in subtle glances at Kate, who's eyes kept flitting back and forth between Jessica and me. The room was spinning a bit and I took a moment to lean my back against the counter, hands gripping the edge. Holy crappola, I hoped I wouldn't faint.

Who knows what the hell Kate was thinking?

"Oh, by the way, Bella, you can _have_ Edward. Mike is so light years ahead of him on all accounts." Jessica grabbed a cup and gaped excitedly at the punch bowl. "Oooh! Is this punch? Is it spiked?"

I rolled my eyes but blushed furiously as I tried to figure out how to the hell away from this infernal kitchen when I heard Kate guffaw.

Yep. An all-out guffaw. It was deep, throaty laughter from the girl who was probably still in love with my delivery boy.

The alcohol could've been affecting my vision, but Kate's eyes were on me, and a moment of clear understanding passed between us as she arched her pierced eyebrow and turned to look at Jessica again, laughing... again.

Jessica stopped her movements and stared at Kate like she had three heads while I just stood there and processed this Charlie Foxtrot of a scene.

"Hey, what's so funny, crazy biker chick?" Jessica asked with hands on her hips. Her voice was even more grating when I was tipsy.

"Oh, nothing... absolutely nothing," Kate smiled sweetly. "Yeah. The punch is spiked. It might taste really heavy, but don't worry, it's pretty mild." Kate rose from the stool, dumping her drink in the garbage. She sauntered towards the door as if to leave, only to look at me over her shoulder and speak.

"Bella, Edward... he's a really good guy. Take care of him. And... sorry, you know... about Rose. I'll talk to her and see if she'll lighten up a bit."

With that, she winked at me, and left.

I shook my head disbelievingly and found a stash of water bottles in a nearby cooler, totally ignoring Jessica.

"What was _that_ all about. Honestly, that chick looked a bit psycho."

Oh, Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. How I wish I could drop kick you.

"Didn't you come here with Eric?" I asked, quickly changing the subject.

"Oh, whatever. Like I'd date a weirdo like Eric. No, I mentioned that you were being all cryptic about Edward and his thing on Friday, and I really wanted to know what was going on. Eric told me about the party and I kind of invited myself," she shrugged.

"Um, okay. And Eric understands that it's not a date? Wait, what am I saying? I don't care."

"Oh, Bella. You just don't know how to play the game. You gotta use your feminine wiles to your advantage. And you... uh, I guess you're somewhat attractive. You managed to get Edward's attention after I stopped trying to pursue him..."

That made me bust out laughing.

"Wait, you _stopped pursuing_? Really? Jessica, you were practically flashing him your boobs just the other day!"

"That was like three days ago, Bella," Jessica rolled her eyes and scoffed, like it was the most obvious observation.

"Okay, Jessica. Um, I'm just gonna go and..." I gestured towards the other room. The faster I could get away from there the better. "I hope you and that guy are very happy together," I said, leaving her to her punch consumption.

"Ooof!" I practically crashed into a hard chest as I tried to walk in a straight line towards the living room.

"Hey, you okay?" Edward's honey voice vibrated through me. His arms held me steady by my shoulders as his concerned green eyes looked me over.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I'm fine!" I waved my hand dismissively, hoping to cover up the fact that I was certifiably inebriated, but the movement only managed to throw me off balance and make the whole room spin. Suddenly there were two Edwards.

Sigh. Two Edwards. Could you imagine?

"Uh, no you're not. How much have you drank?" Edward moved me over to lean against the wall as he pushed hair out of my face, still looking me over with worry lining his face.

"I only drank a little of that punch Tyler made in the kitchen."

"Shit. I should've warned you about that. That stuff is lethal. Fucking Tyler," I heard him mumble.

"Yeah, I figured that out after your sister offered it to me." I couldn't keep my mouth shut. That stuff was like truth serum.

"What? Rose told you to drink it?" his voice was laced with annoyance and bet some anger.

"Don't worry. I'm a big girl. I can handle her."

"That's not the point. Shit. Here, let's get you somewhere quiet," he said, starting to slowly lead me to a darken hallway... oh yes, we were heading to his bedroom. Score.

Round two? Maybe?

I started to giggle uncontrollably.

This was not good. Looking back, it wasn't good at all.

"You're pretty." Fuck, I was drunk.

Edward snorted as he continued to lead me into his bedroom and carefully lowered me to the bed.

"Here, just rest. Sleep it off. I'll be back and check on you in a bit. I'm going to lock the door so no one will disturb you, okay? Just relax. I'll take care of everything."

"Wait, aren't you staying with me? Let's cuddle, or make out some more," I was probably slurring at this point.

Edward leaned in and kissed me once on the lips and once on the forehead. "Let me try to kick everyone out. Give me like an hour or so, okay? I'll be back."

I smiled, blissed out on Edward kisses and his sweet words.

The last thing I remembered was smelling Edward Scent on my pillow before everything went black.

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><p><strong>AN: LOL. Oh, Bella. What's she going to wake up to? Only PC knows for sure!**

**Thanks for all the wonderful reviews and lovely words of encouragement. For all of you tweeting and pimping, extra booby gropes for you!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Okay, sorry, but I can't go very long without writing just a little bit of angst! LOL **

**SM owns... DH and I own bitchy comments filtering through bathroom doors...**

**Also, unbeta'd... :)  
><strong>

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><p>Ugh.<p>

Sick.

Gross… I feel gross. And stupid. And the twinkly lights are laughing at me.

"Edward…" I whispered. "Tell your twinklies to shut up." I hung my head off the bed and eyed the floor, my gaze slowly inching along until I spied the bathroom. I was about to meet Edward's toilet face to face.

I didn't make a habit of getting drunk. I knew my limits, and I usually stopped well before barfing in a potential boyfriend's potty. Chugging moonshine notwithstanding.

The house was quiet and I wondered how long I'd been out. Gingerly, I made my way across the room. One foot in front of the other… come on girl, you can do this… the sick feeling was starting to go away but I wasn't fooled. Edward's potty and me were going to be best buds for the next ten minutes or so.

I'll spare you the details. But bless my beautiful boy for having mouthwash in the cabinet.

Edward had one of those jack and jill bathrooms, the kind that connects two bedrooms. He'd told me earlier the other bedroom was unoccupied, and that he kept the bathroom door locked that led into it. As I looked in the mirror, pleasantly surprised to only find flushed cheeks and smudged eyeliner, I _definitely_ heard voices on the other side of that locked door. Somebody probably snuck in there to get it on.

I stood staring at myself for a few seconds then tiptoed across the tile and put my ear to the door. You don't find work at the world's largest adult toy company without being at least a _little_ kinky. But seriously, if it were Jess and her surfer boy? I was hightailing it back to my Edward-scented sheets in a hurry.

"I don't like her," a girl said, her voice muffled on the other side of the door.

It was Edward's sister! My eyes narrowed. _Rose… that bitch!_

"I don't care that you don't like her," said the loveliest, most beautiful voice. "I like her. That's all that matters."

My heart melted right there on the cold ceramic tile. Oh Edward…

"It will never work," she spit out. "You're too much of a sap to deal with that girl. She'll break your heart, Edward. She works for an adult toy company for goodness sakes. And where is she now? She's drunk off her ass in your bed like the little whore she is."

I gasped, tears springing to my eyes. I was not a whore! I wasn't! I never slept with someone that I wasn't in a relationship with. I mean, I might talk big, but when it came down to it, I was a monogamous sort of girl. I'd only ever had two serious boyfriends. Well, and there was that cute counselor at summer camp but… that still wasn't whore status! Was it? I suddenly felt completely sober even though the floor was still doing that annoying tilting thing.

My heart dropped when Edward was silent. Was he not going to say anything to defend me?

"Oh yeah," Rose continued, "you can get mad all you want little brother, but I heard her through your door earlier tonight. She wasn't quiet. How long have you known her? A day? Girls like her get pregnant on purpose."

I heard Edward growl a response but I didn't want to listen anymore. I felt ashamed and stupid and… and humiliated… I wanted to go home and crawl into my own bed and stay there for the next week. I wasn't like that, whatever Rose was saying.

I stumbled into the bedroom. Fuck, I was still drunk even though I'd puked half my body weight into Edward's pristine toilet. And that was another thing. His bathroom had been lovely and clean. I could've fallen in love with someone who kept his bathroom spotless like that. I grabbed my purse and quietly opened the door to the hallway. It was only tilting a little bit. That was a good sign.

My self-esteem continued on a downward spiral as I made my way through the house, for the first time really seeing how nice the furniture was. My _parent's_ furniture wasn't this nice. I was out of my league. Way, way out of my league.

"Hey!"

I spun around. Dammit, I'd made it all the way to the front door. "What, Jess."

"Where are you going? I thought you and Edward… you know."

I really didn't want to cry but I had so many tears building up inside my head that they just started leaking out of my eyes. "No," I said. "There's no… _you know_." Whatever that meant. With Jessica that might mean anything from getting married to having her ass spanked while tied up and blindfolded.

"Well you can't drive like that," she said, pulling me to the couch. "Come here."

"Where's your surfer guy?" I asked petulantly. I didn't want anyone to be in love if I couldn't be in love.

"He's getting me a glass of water," she said with a dreamy, far away look. Then she narrowed her eyes at me. "Tell me what happened."

"I don't want to," I mumbled. "It's embarrassing. …Okay, _fine_. I overheard…" I sighed. "Just… Edward deserves someone better than me. He deserves someone like him. Someone perfect."

Jessica gasped, her eyes lighting up. She grabbed both my hands and clutched them to her chest. "Who says you're not perfect? Who says you're not worth it?"

My eyes widened. "Oh my _god_."

"Who says you're the only one that's hurting?"

"Oh my god, STOP."

She dropped my hands and held my face, squeezing my cheeks together. "Trust me, that's the price of beauty. So who says you're not pretty, who says you're not beautiful?"

"Stop! Let go of me!"

"Who says?" she insisted.

I rubbed my cheeks, glaring. She was insane.

"Who _says_, Bella!"

"Holy _fuck!_ It was his sister, okay? _That's_ who says!" I slapped my hand over my mouth, looking up at surfer boy in the doorway. He was panting, staring at Jessica.

"Did you… did you just quote Selena Gomez?" He looked like he was seconds away from humping the first thing that moved.

I sat very, very still.

"Why, yes," Jess said in a breathless voice. "Yes, I did."

"I'm leaving," I announced, wiping the tears from my face. "I'll call a cab."

"Oh no you won't," a livid voice said from the hallway.

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><p><strong>Jessica's lyrics from Who Says, by Selena Gomez. Please don't be offended, it's all in good fun. I think she's a lovely person, just for the record.<strong>

**Your reviews make our day. :) And thank you so much for all the tweets and facebook love!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Every humorous/sweet story needs a tiny bit of angst... like adding a teaspoon of salt to your dessert baking recipes. It actually makes the sugary stuff taste better.**

**SM owns. PC and I own Yoda dashboard saints and one pissed off Edward.**

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><p>I must've stepped into some twisted soap opera, I swear I heard a string section announce the pivotal scene when everyone freezes before going to commercial.<p>

_Dun dun duunnnnnnnn!_

All I could see was him, though. Copperish, wild hair sticking up in all the right places, face red with ire, hands fisted at his side, breathing heavily.

Was he pissed at me?

I stood there dumbly, not able to say a damn word. My mouth was open like those creepy blow-up dolls Charlotte attempted to sell about a month ago, trying to make them chic and high end. No, they were still just plastic blow up dolls that skeevy guys used to get off with.

We vowed to never carry them. Ever.

Edward stalked towards me, and in my post-drunken haze, it was like tunnel vision as he was the only thing in sharp focus.

When he reached me, his eyes softened as his previously tense fists unfurled to cradle my face. The warmth felt so good against my skin.

"Don't go," he said for only me.

"How much did you hear?" I finally managed to ask.

"Enough. I'm sorry. Please stay," he pleaded. His eyes. He could make me do anything with those eyes. But I couldn't stay there. Not tonight.

"Edward, I really can't. I have to get away from here. Not forever, just not tonight. Please understand," I pleaded right back before sighing and pulling away.

Maybe Rose was right. I wasn't good enough for him. Maybe it was better to cut my losses and detach before things got heavier. _Gah_... I was such a loser.

Edward caught my hand making me stop my movements.

"Okay. Then at least let me take you home."

"No. Please. This is your party, you shouldn't leave. I have no problem taking a cab."

"Yeah, but I do, so I'm taking you," he responded, grabbing his keys off a table and waving to I don't know who.

I caught Jessica's eyes as she nodded silently to agree with Edward.

So without another glance at the dwindling party guests, Edward ushered me out towards his car, his arm wrapped securely around me. I'm sure it was to keep me upright.

I didn't really notice much of Edward's car, other than the fact it looked expensive and smelled like him. I felt the seats warm up as I practically melted into them.

After giving him my address, I closed my eyes, not wanting to focus on the fast moving trees outside and definitely not wanting to see my beautiful delivery boy's face. I couldn't deal with whatever his eyes communicated- rejection, disgust, anger, resignation.

So the silence continued until I felt the car stop and felt his hand on my face.

"Bella. Bella... sweetheart, we're here."

He called me _sweetheart_. I would've swooned if I were more than half-coherent.

His warm breath fanned over me as I felt his lips ghost over my cheek and the corner of my mouth.

"I'm sorry about tonight. This isn't the way I had envisioned it going," he whispered against my skin. Was I dreaming all this?

That's it. I must've been hallucinating all of it.

"No," I replied, my voice rough from not using it. "I'm sorry. I should've never come. Your sister is probably right, you're way out of my league. I mean you're kind, generous, and you're so pretty and smart and you have a really nice apartment and a really nice car... I don't have any of those things. I just work writing descriptions for sex toys and marital aids because no publishing house or advertising firm would hire me..."

Annnd, there was the word vomit yet again.

"Woah, woah, woah, Bella, look at me," he implored as I opened my eyes to find his inches from mine. They were so, so green.

"You are beautiful. You're funny, and you're successful. I could give a crap where you work. I don't care what my sister's opinion is. She's bitter and she hates people. She's getting over a bad breakup with some idiot who cheated on her. Her sense of judgement is skewed and severely lacking in logic. She doesn't know you..."

"Yeah, but neither do you," I argued.

"I know more than she does, and I would really, _really_ like to know you more. Please don't listen to Rose. She thinks she knows what's best for me. It's been like that all my life. But she's not going to be a problem anymore, Bella. Please. just... trust me, okay?"

I stared in awe as he poured his heart out to me. As if I didn't have enough reason to fall harder for this guy. How could he be so sweet, hot, sexy, and playful in equal measure?

I nodded silently and watched as his smile grew and he sighed in noticeable relief.

"C'mon, I'll help you up," he said, kissing the tip of my nose. As I was about to open my door, I noticed a little something.

"Hey, is that Yoda on your dash?" I asked, holding onto his surprisingly sculpted forearm.

Edward looked back and chuckled when he realized what I was referring to.

"Yeah, that's my dashboard saint."

"Your dashboard saint?" I arched an eyebrow, giggling.

"Yeah, you know. Haven't you ever seen those cars with the Catholic saint statues perched on the dashboard? Yoda's mine."

"Wise, he is."

Edward leaned over and kissed me hard.

"You have no idea how hot it is that you're a closet geek," he growled, eyes dark and dilated. Holy crap.

I giggled nervously. If I hadn't been still feeling a little yucky, I would've jumped him right there in his pretty car.

In a flash, Edward was at my side walking me up the stairs to my humble little one-bedroom. When I protested him wanting to come in and make sure I made it to bed alright, he kissed me again, this time gently and slowly.

Damn him. He already knew how to make me speechless.

Taking the keys I was fumbling with, he quickly opened my door and found his way around, asking me which way to my bedroom.

It had been a long time since a guy asked me that. I wish I wasn't so out of it.

I don't remember a lot after that. I basically flopped onto my bed, my eyes like lead as I felt him taking off my shoes and tucking my duvet over me.

"Are you gonna be okay?" I think I heard him whisper in my ear. I could feel his hand smoothing over my hair.

_Hmmm. I wish you didn't have to go..._

"I'll stay with you then."

Wait. I said that out loud? _Ugh_. Oh well.

"You don't have to..." I tried to recover the situation. I didn't want him here out of obligation, that much I knew.

"Little Package, nothing would make me happier. Do you want me to stay here, or I can just sleep on the couch..."

"Wherever you're comfortable." Would he stay here with me? Please say you're comfortable in bed with me. God, I was so insecure sometimes.

"I'd like to stay here with you," he whispered after a moment of silence.

"Okay."

Closing my eyes again, because I really couldn't even keep them open anymore- which was a shame because I could hear his belt hit the floor and God knows I wanted to see what he was working with up close- I finally gave in to sleep when I felt the heat of his shirtless body press against my back, and his arm encircle my waist.

"Sleep, Bella."

Yes. Sleep. Sleep was good.

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><p><strong>AN: Aww... Nite-nite, Bella. At least E's there with her. **

**I hope that wasn't too bad... tune in soon as we find out what the morning after holds in store for our dear Little Package and UPS/Gamerward ;)**

**Thanks for all the reviews, FB mentions and tweets! We love every single one, even though PC & I are both HORRIBLE at answering reviews.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Oooh... the morning after...**

**SM owns. DH and I own red Snoopy boxer shorts and scented stolen shirts... (say that 5x fast)**

**not beta'd!**

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><p>I sat up on one elbow and blinked, my eyes bleary, the buzz of arousal echoing through my body. It was barely morning, the room was still dark, and there was no one in my bed but me. The space beside me was still warm though, and I swear I could smell his scent on my pillow… or maybe it was on me. Tingles flared through the pit of my stomach and lower… Still, there was something wrong with this picture.<p>

I'd drank half the bottle of water from my bedside table when a soft sigh from the side of the room drew my attention. There he was with his back to me, looking at my little bookcase. It wasn't as extensive as his by any means; I had more picture frames and knick-knacks, girly things like ticket stubs and pressed flowers from my mom tucked in strange places. And alas, no twinkly lights. But that didn't explain why was he over there and I was over here…

His name was on the tip of my tongue when he pulled his arms up over his head and stretched, the muscles bunching and sliding over his naked back, the curves of his broad shoulders racing down to a trim waist and… red Snoopy boxer shorts. And not just any Snoopy… the World War I Flying Ace, all take charge, fierce and growly. Oh god. He was such a delicious mix of sex, sweetness and sunshine. My mind blanked. And any words I'd thought to say turned puppy-farm tail and ran straight out of my head.

I must have made some noise though because he turned and smiled sheepishly.

"Hey Squeaker," he said in a low voice.

"Hey…uh," I blinked. "What?"

He smiled again, this time like he knew a secret that I didn't.

"You're wearing my t-shirt," he said, his gaze skimming over me.

"Oh." I was. No wonder I smelled so damn good. Confused, I spotted my cute-sexy-but-practical tank top in a little heap at the end of the bed. I could have sworn I put that on last night while he was in the bathroom.

"Yeah, you _did_ have that on," Edward mused, following my gaze. "But about half an hour ago you sat up in bed and yanked it off."

My eyes widened. I did?

"And you demanded my shirt instead." He shrugged. "You were pretty insistent. Belligerent, almost. I thought it best not to argue."

"I-I don't know what to say…" I bit my lip, willing complete mortification to wait a few more hours. "I'm… sorry?" My confidence was still MIA, apparently.

"You should be sorry," he murmured as he walked to the edge of the bed, eyes unreadable. "You fell right back asleep but you kept moving around, all over me… pushing your little ass up against my dick while I've been _trying_ to be good, all night long. I had to wander around your room for the past fifteen minutes and try to talk myself down." He crawled up on the bed, pressing his body over mine, humming when my legs fell open and he fit into the cradle of my hips.

I could barely breathe. "Edward…"

"From molesting you in your sleep," he said darkly, pulling the fabric up with his teeth. "But now that you're awake I think I want my shirt back, you little thief." He ran his nose between my breasts, inhaling, moving down… kissing, licking over my ribs, my belly button… "I can't stop thinking about how perfect you looked," he looked up at me watching him. "Without any clothes at all."

"You caught me," I whispered.

He grinned suddenly, sunshine in his smile. "Is this where I cuff you and take you downtown?" His hands squeezed my sides, and he raised himself back over me. Somewhere outside a car door slammed.

"What if I'm innocent?" My fingers traced his bottom lip, flirting with his tongue when he opened for me. He bit my finger, groaning when my breath stuttered in my chest. "And what's with all the new names?" I gasped. "I thought I was your little package…"

"Squeaker…" he laughed before he bent down to kiss me. "I told you once that I'd unwrap you, Little Package." He pulled the shirt up slowly over my breast with his hand. "Because I wanted what was inside." He rubbed a thumb over one nipple, smiling at me wickedly. "And I think what's inside will squeak… and scream." He kissed me again, moving to whisper in my ear. "And beg."

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><p><strong>**cackles evilly at DH**<strong>

**So... will DH take it on home? Or did that slamming car door actually mean something?**

**Inquiring minds want to know...  
><strong>

**You guys are awesome! So glad you're along for this crazy ride. :)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry this up later than I wanted. FFN was being a total bitch and woun't let me log on. Apparently, it was a problem for a lot of us authors this evening.**

**So, where were we? Oh, yes... Cockblocked by my dear PC. Let's see if we can remedy that...**

**SM owns. PC & I own crazy friends with venti lattes in hand.**

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><p>Holy shit, I thought I was dreaming.<p>

Because there's no possible way this was happening to me. I had the object of my every fantasy for the past few months on top of me with his delicious mouth sending warm electric current when it connected to my skin.

There was no way I was going to say no to a little romp with Edward. He was just... gah!

_Get. In. Me. _

That was my vagina talking. Not me.

My mind was working out all the possible way that this was either very right or not right... yet. But when his hand hooked under the hem of my panties my mind was over-ruled by just about every other part of my body.

I grabbed his head between my hands and pulled him up until my lips were on his.

All worries jumped out the window as his tongue simulated movements I wanted down below. My legs wrapped around his hips, pulling him closer, closer, closer, until I felt his... package.

And there was nothing little about it.

His groan spurred me on as my hands tried rather awkwardly to rid him of his hot snoopy boxers.

Yes, I admit it. A hot guy with Snoopy riding his Sopwith Camel made me horny.

Edward noticed my difficulty and helped me along, pushing them down with one hand until he was freed. Of course, my hand knew exactly where to go and as I wrapped it around his length I saw his beautiful eyes roll back as he sucked in a breath.

"Bella... shit..." He gasped.

Then I heard a rhythmic thumping. I swear it was the beating of my wild heart.

But no. There it was again.

_Thump thump thump!_

Edward froze all movements, which my body was really, really pissed off about.

"You wanna get that?" Edward said, gruffly.

"Get what, this?" I replied slyly while I squeezed his cock, causing his head to drop against my shoulder.

"Fuck... no... I mean, the door... _shit_... someone's at the door."

"What? I'm not expecting anyone..."

"Bella! Are you there? Bella? Bella! Open up!" A high-pitched voice yelled from somewhere far away.

"Shit! WHat the hell is she doing here?" I sat up quickly. Too quickly, since the action caused Edward to fall over and tumble to the wooden floors beneath.

"Ow!" He yelped.

"Shit! Oh, my God, Edward, are you okay?" I squeaked crawling over to see him in a fetal position naked as the day he was born, except for the Snoopy boxers still tangled somewhere around his ankles.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just... _ow_..." he whined, finally working his way up to a seated position, leaning against the bed. He was massaging his shoulder.

"Oh, geez, Edward, I'm so sorry," I said joining in the massaging.

_Hot damn, he's got some strong shoulders._

"I'll get some ice for that. Shit..."

Before I rise and move away from him, he takes my hand, holding me still.

"Hey, I'm okay, alright? Just get the door. Whoever it is is about to break it down," he chuckled before kissing the inside of my palm.

_Insides. Melting. Puddle of goo here, people._

I quickly slide Edward's teeshirt back on and grab a pair of sleep shorts sticking out of my drawer before padding hurriedly towards the door.

This damn woman.

Thump, thump, thump...

"Bella!"

"What!" I shout as I swing the door open.

"There you are! Where the hell have you been?"

"I've been sleeping."

"I can see that. Did you forget we have plans today, young lady?" She said, coming right in, two venti lattes in hand.

"Alice, it's like frigging seven in the morning." Oh hell, I was not amused.

"Yes, and you promised you'd go to yoga with me for the morning class and we'd hunker down and work on my stuff. Okay, why the hell do you look freshly fucked?"

"Alice!" I rolled my eyes and felt myself blush.

"You do! Do you have a boy in here?" She asked, eyes narrowed before realization hit.

"Gasp! You _do_ have a boy in here, don't you?"

Just then, I heard the shuffling of feet down the hall before the exquisite vision of my half-sleepy delivery boy appeared before us.

Alice's eyes widened impossibly wider as she looked back and forth between the two of us with a devious grin.

"Hi," Edward greeted calmly.

Alice gained composure immediately and held out her hand.

"Hello there," she replied as they shook hands.

"Alice, I'd like you to meet Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my friend, Alice Brandon. She works with me, actually the HR department. I've known her since college, she actually got me the job."

"Nice to meet you," Edward said smoothly.

"Pleasure's all mine, or Bella's, not sure which right now."

They both chuckled like old chums and I was mortified.

"Well, are you ready? If you hurry we can still make it to class and get some editing done."

"Editing?" Edward asked, staring at my quizzically as he made his way to the kitchen. I intercepted him and grabbed an icepack from the freezer before he could get it himself.

He smiled, thanking me with a kiss on the cheek.

"Aww. you guys. Totally cotton-candy sweet there. But anyway, yeah. She's helping me edit my novel. She's the best."

"Alice, I'm hardly the best."

"Bullshit. You are the best, you just don't know it. But once my novel's out and a big hit, your name's gonna be on the lips of every publishing house out there. You'll have the pick of the litter," Alice rambled as she set our coffees on the kitchen bar and sat on a stool.

"That's kind of cool, Bella. You never told me," Edward chastised, leaning on the counter, forearms resting against it.

My eyes couldn't help follow the lines of his lean muscles ribboning in and out his shoulders and down his arms. I had half a mind to tell Alice to fuck off and drag him back to my lair.

"Um, it's not a big deal really, I'm just helping her out. She's self-publishing," I mumbled, snapping out of my lustful thoughts.

"I'll admit, I'm starting small. I actually used to write fan fiction. You know, using characters from a known book or movie and placing them in an alternative universe?"

"Yeah, I'm familiar with it. Have a few friends who write that stuff. It's usually just soft porn with a plot," Edward added as I looked at him in shock. He stared back and looked at me questioningly.

"What? I'm a gamer, remember? Angela actually writes some."

"See? I'm not alone here," Alice glared at me playfully as I grabbed my venti and hid my embarrassment between sips of hot coffee.

"See, but now, I'm writing an original fic. Like, _woah_, totally different species. I was scared shitless, but now that I have Bella on my team, it's gonna be great." She really looked excited and I couldn't really fault her for chasing her dream.

It's not like I wanted to write descriptions for sex toys for the rest of my life. For right now, I'd just edit sex scenes in a book.

Yeah, no real difference, see?

After a couple more minutes of chit chat, Edward excused himself and dressed to leave. I walked him out, away from Alice's ears.

Closing the door and perching myself on my tiptoes, I leaned in and kissed him.

"Sorry about all that. I wish you didn't have to go. I was really hoping you'd unwrap your package," I mock pouted as my arms wrapped around his neck.

"Not a problem. Well, there's a problem, I'm just going to have to take care of it myself in my shower in a few, but other than that... you are one sexy little squeaker." He kissed me again slowly before speaking again.

"I'm actually okay with this morning. I actually want the opportunity to take you out on a real date."

"What, you mean me plastered from drinking moonshine and passing out in your bed wasn't your idea of a proper date?" I asked teasingly.

Edward laughed. "Well, as much as I enjoyed our time together in my room before my bitch of a sister interfered, and waking up in your bed this morning, I think an old-fashioned date is in order. What do you think?" His arms held me closer until our foreheads touched.

"I think I'd like that very much," I replied, drunk on Edward.

"Good. I'll text you later, see if you want to do something tonight."

"Okay," I replied lamely as Edward pulled away still holding on to my hand until pulling away completely.

"Oh! I almost forgot. Your car's still at my place. It's safe there, but if you need it..."

"No, I'll ride with Alice today. We'll probably see each other tonight anyway, right?" I smiled.

"Yes. definitely. See ya, Squeaker." He winked and walked towards his car.

When I re-entered my apartment, Alice was right in front of me, the look of sheer excitement radiating off her.

"Okay, missy. You're going to sit down and tell me all about Mr. Hottypants. Like, now."

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><p><strong>So, we've finally introduced Alice. Whatcha think? Sorry about no citrus... too soon for these kids... c'mon! You know it's tru, you bunch of perverts.<strong>

**Smooches to all our readers and our fantastic reviewers and pimpers who've been just tweeting the crap out of this story. **

**PC, It's all up to you... How neurotic is Alice? Where's Edward taking her on their real first date?**


	24. Chapter 24

**SM owns! DH and I own Bella's Clark Kent fantasies...**

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><p><em>"Okay, missy. You're going to sit down and tell me all about Mr. Hottypants. Like, now."<em>

"Sure…" I said with a grin, drifting back into the kitchen. "But if I spill my guts, does that mean no yoga?"

Alice huffed and glanced at her watch, her face screwed up with indecision. She was a steamroller in little black stretchy pants and I knew she hated getting off track. She'd either rev up for full steam ahead or power down and regroup.

"Fine," she sighed.

_Yes! _That latte was looking better and better when I didn't have to worry about it coming back up in the middle of a camel pose.

"Even though you know I think it's essential to get our blood pumping in the mornings," she scolded. "It brings harmony and-"

"Alice. My blood was pumping just fine, thank you, when you beat down my door at 7 o'clock in the morning."

"Oooh, do _tell_," she said in a breathy whisper before ruining it with a smirk. "Just how fine was your blood being… ah, pumped?"

"Shut up. I was being prepped for uh, being pumped. I …guess." I made a face. "Really, it was so much better than that sounds."

"I can imagine," she said. "He looks like he could pump you into oblivion."

I grinned and shrugged.

So. He's a _gamer?_ What does that even mean? Like, professionally? Where'd you meet him? And how long has this been going on? Why haven't I been informed? I mean, I _see_ you everyday." Alice took a deep breath and a gulp of her coffee. "Ugh. This is yours," she said, switching the cups.

"He's the UPS delivery guy for the office." I bit my lip but my happiness could not be contained. I was grinning like an idiot with no idea of how to stop.

"Geez, the things I miss because my office is in the back," she said with a frown. "Well, he's hot for a geeky-type gamer person. You should get him some black nerdy glasses so you can pretend he's Clark Kent disguised as a delivery boy."

"Are you kidding me?" I grinned, blushing in spite of myself. "I've _totally_ already thought of that."

"I knew it! When he finds out about your thing for hot nerds in glasses he's gonna be all over that." She laughed when I covered my eyes.

"Shut it, Alice," I groaned. "I know I'm freaky. Don't rub it in"

"Well, it's not as bad as it could be," she smiled. "Is he one of those geeks that wastes away in someone's basement with a controller glued to his hand or is he super smart?

"He's writing his own program for a new game… or something." Now it was bothering me that I didn't know more about Edward and what he did with his life. Or wanted to do. He was more than a hot ass in a pair of brown shorts, that was for sure. He was a sweetheart who wore cute Snoopy boxers. And had a Yoda on his dash…

"You're getting that drooly look again." Alice snapped her fingers in my face. "Quit it."

"_You_ quit it." I got up from the kitchen table to rummage in the pantry. "Pop-tart?"

"Strawberry frosted?"

"What else?"

"Bring it. …Wait," she held up a hand. "I want a whole package."

"Geez, Alice, good thing you're wearing spandex."

"Shut up," she murmured, tearing into the foil. "You should introduce him to your brother. Since he's a software developer and all."

"Maybe." I picked at my Pop-tart. I'd already thought about Jasper in relation to Edward. I just wasn't sure how I _felt_ about it. "I don't know. Jas is mostly in marketing."

"So? It's all in who you know. Or maybe Edward _likes_ delivering boxes for a living."

"Hey," I pointed a finger. "There's nothing wrong with being a UPS guy. Evidently he makes a lot of money."

"I didn't mean _that_," she said, waving her hand. "I meant doing what makes you happy. Fulfilling your destiny. Living your dream…"

Destinies and dreams made me think of my big brother for another reason.

"Did I tell you? Jas and Maria are getting a divorce."

"No!" Alice slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oh! That's so… so…"

"Wonderful?" I took a big chug of coffee to hide my smile.

"No, no, I would never say that," she said firmly.

"You would think it."

"I might think it." She sighed.

"He still thinks he's too old for you." Poor Alice. She'd been in love with my brother since we moved into the dorms our freshman year, but Jas could never get over the eight-year age difference. And the fact that she was his baby sister's best friend.

"Well. He hasn't seen me in a whole year." She eyed her Pop-tart then pushed it away.

"Okay," I said, switching gears. "I'm gonna get the printout of your book edits and we'll discuss. Did you answer all those questions I sent you in the email?"

"Someone wants you," Alice said. She pointed to the counter where my phone was flashing with an incoming call.

"I guess I left it on silent," I said, hopping up. Looking at the screen, I laughed. "It's Edward!" I did a shimmy there in front of the sink, making Alice giggle.

"Hello?"

"Hey, beautiful." Oh god. His voice was liquid sex oozing through my phone.

"Hey," I said dreamily. I was such a moron. I kicked my foot out at Alice who was making crude gestures. "What's up?"

"Listen…" he started, his voice hesitant, making my stomach do a nose dive. "Something's come up."

I drew in a quick breath and turned around to face the sink. "Oh…yeah, it's okay, Edward. We can go out another time," I said softly. Even though it wasn't okay. Crap, what went wrong? I thought he really liked me. Maybe Rose ambushed him as soon as he walked in and convinced him that I was no good. Maybe Kate was spread out nude in his bed and he decided that he liked giant K and E initial tattoos after all. I looked at my chewed up fingernails mournfully. I didn't even _have_ a tattoo. I was so lame.

"No, no no no no…" he was saying on the phone. "Bella?"

"Huh?"

"Just _wait_," he said, talking fast. "I'm not letting you get away that easily. I'd been planning to take you to dinner and everything but… I checked my email when I got home."

"Okay?" I was still confused but mollified by the "not letting me get away" comment.

"There's a group I've been dying to get in to observe one of their sessions… it's been a closed group ever since I've been old enough to turn on a computer. New members join by special invitation and have to be approved by the group. I don't know, this would really round out my research but their GM is a real piece of work… the whole group plays dirty and-"

"Edward, you should go, seriously. Just call me when you get home." I was disappointed, but relieved that it wasn't something I had done.

"No, that's just it," he said. "I want you to go with me. We won't stay long and James said it was okay. They don't usually allow girls into their group but he said that this one time wouldn't be a big deal. He said he met you at the party.

"Me?" I squeaked. I didn't remember meeting a guy named James at all.

"Yeah. So put on your little gamer panties, Squeaker," Edward said. "You're gonna blow them away."

Holy CRAP. I needed a crash course in gamer etiquette... player panties?... _Something_. Dammit. I was gonna embarrass him for sure. Maybe I should just tell him the truth; that I was a newbie to the one _millionth_ degree.

Nah.

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><p><strong>Ooooh... Jaaaames... and he plays dirty! Oh noes! Watch out Squeaker!<strong>

**:) We love to hear what you think! Thank you for reading.**


	25. Chapter 25

**I actually had to research this crap. The things I do for you all. ;)**

**SM owns. PC & I own YouTube searches for gaming sessions and a horny Gamerward**

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><p>I didn't know the first thing about these gaming sessions.<p>

What does one do?

Do you dress up?

Are there secret handshakes, code languages, fetish orgies?

Ew. Don't want to think about that. Unless it's me and Edward. Alone. And there were no cameras.

Alice left about an hour ago after spending the better part of the day eating pizza and helping her edit. During our lunch break, Alice recommended looking around the internet for info on gaming etiquette. That lead me to YouTube searches for what... I'm wasn't sure. What would my search terms be? I tried a few...

_Gamer secret meetings_

_Gaming sessions_

_How to bluff at gaming_

_Things nerdy boys do on a Saturday night_

Nothing and everything was coming up. From Mortal Kombat to Call of Duty to Modern Warfare 3. Then of course, there was the very popular World of Warcraft that Jasper had been obsessed with when he was in college. There was stuff about being connected by LAN or PS3 or Xbox. Geez, if it wasn't for my brother, I wouldn't know what half of this stuff was.

But one thing was to know _of_ it, the other was to know how to play it. What if this James character invited me to play? Edward trusted me. I would die if I made him look bad. I'd also expose myself for the lying loser I was.

But was I really lying? I never told him I knew how to play or that I was active in the game world. He just sort of assumed based on my appearance at Denny's.

It was a lie by omission, since I neglected to tell him the extent of my knowledge and involvement, which of course, was zilch.

That's it. I had to tell him.

But if I did, I might blow my chances with him, and that was unacceptable.

I sighed loudly, steeling myself for what I had to do. I picked up my phone and started typing.

_So, what exactly does this group play? Any game in particular? -B_

A response came back in seconds.

_Usually CoD, sometimes MW3 or Battlefield... combat stuff. Y? Wanna brush up? ;) -E_

Crap. Yeah you could say brush up. More like crash course-slash-Cliffs Notes.

_Just wanna know what to expect. Would want to embarrass you. -B_

_You'd never ever embarrass me, Squeaker. If u've never played those, don't worry. You can just watch. -E_

_Sounds kinky. I'd rather just watch you. -B_

Going for the bold tonight. I figure I can distract him from my ignorance by keeping him horny.

_Really? Hmm. We can explore that later. I wouldn't mind watching you either. ;) Be ready at 6. -E_

Six. Okay. I glanced at the clock and determined I had a good two hours before I had to get ready. Which meant I'd be on the internet doing some more research.

Lying was hard. I didn't like it.

_I'll be waiting. Can't wait to see you. -B_

That was easy. That was the truth.

I put my phone on the nightstand and threw myself into full on research mode, tempted to text Jasper, but ultimately shying away from it for fear he might start asking questions. He had enough going on.

I clicked on over to YouTube and typed in _CoD gaming sessions _and was immediately bombarded with clip after clip of recorded sessions, some with commentary on how to improve skills, mostly clips of guys trash talking and doing callouts. I giggled hearing them yell and curse at each other. Some of these guys were really just kids, teenagers.

Man, I hope this group isn't one of those.

I noticed there were "clans" that recorded sessions and explained the "tryout process".

Some of these clans were serious business. I imagined based on what Edward told me earlier, James' group was one of these secret, invitation-only clans that required auditions.

And speaking of James. Who was James? I couldn't place him. Edward told me I met him at the party. Honestly, there was so much going on at that time, so many faces saying hello, such strong moonshine, the only thing I managed to retain was Edward's orgasm face and the sound of his sister's voice as she cut me down so low I wanted to crawl under a blanket and never come out.

After watching countless clips, I took a deep breath and rose from my bed, changing into my jeans and a fitted tee.

When the doorbell rang and I opened the door at exactly six, Edward grinned.

With no time to process the moment, Edward assaulted my lips, pushing me back until my back was agains the wall. Without disconnecting, he closed the door with his foot, his hands exploring my waist, the side of my boobs and up to my face and neck.

I moaned when his mouth travelled to my neck as his hands traveled back down south by way of my nipples and stomach until he was firmly cupping my butt. I Instinctively wrapped one leg around him, not wanting to assume he'd be able to lift me. He smiled against my skin and tapped my other thigh and lifted me up by my butt so I could wrap the other leg around him as well.

"Oh, God..." I squeaked.

Edward groaned when his... _package_ rubbed up against my center.

"Shit..." He muttered, breathing heavily against my mouth.

"Let's just stay," I replied as I ground against him.

"Bella..."

That wasn't a _no_. Maybe I could get out of this ridiculous meeting.

At that moment, I felt something vibrate, and for a moment I wondered if it was the energy that flowed through us because we were so perfect for each other.

_Buzzzzzz..._

We both stopped our movements and I reluctantly lowered my legs so he could pat his pockets. He took out his phone, checking the incoming text. He sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands, finally taking a cleansing breath and looking at me apologetically.

"To be continued?" he asked, cupping my face and kissing my nose.

I pouted. He smiled, taking my hand and opening my door to face reality.

"Let's go kill stuff, shall we?"

I swallowed loudly. I nodded silently, my lady boner dissipating at the thought of a room full of gamer boys.

"If I survive tonight, you owe me," I grumbled, squeezing my hand.

He chuckled, looking at me over his shoulder.

"If you survive tonight, I'm taking you back to my place and finishing what I started."

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><p><strong>AN: So will B be able to bluff her way out of this, or will she come clean before they even get there? And what kind of slimeball is James?**

**Stay tuned! I know I will! lol**

**Once again, thanks for all the pimping, reading, and reviewing! We'd be lying if we said we didn't like all the attention ;)**


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey y'all. I'm so sorry. I got tied up with finishing this other little story I got going on. ;) DH has been so patient! ILY, bb**

**SM owns... DH and I own motorized La-Z Boys and Mr. Gold Finger. *snort***

**not beta'd :)  
><strong>

* * *

><p>He knocked three times. I stood with Edward outside James' apartment door silently freaking out. I didn't just have butterflies; I had pterodactyls flying around.<p>

A muffled shout came from behind the door. _"SILENCE, ALL! Or the Master will have your severed heads on a spike!"_

_What the…_ My eyes went wide and I took a small step back behind Edward.

"Hold on, hold on," he teased, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "No running just yet." He laughed. "Only when I say."

After several long seconds of deadbolts and chain locks being released, a giant in a black t-shirt with welding goggles on his forehead opened the door. "Edward! How's it going man?" His breath caught when he saw me peeking out. "_By the gods_… you brought a _girl_…" he grinned at me. Giant had the deepest voice. Like, Andre the Giant deep.

I took another step back. I would have been fucking _running_ Gump style except that Edward was doing the crazy Death Star grip on my arm.

"Back off Felix," Edward said in an irritated voice. "The _girl's_ name is Bella. And she brought cookies for your sorry ass. Now let us in."

"An offering for the masses!" Felix the Giant's eyes gleamed. "Then you may proceed, beautiful lady." And he stepped to the side.

"Thanks," I said weakly. "It's not my first-born but maybe it'll do…"

That didn't get the chuckle I was hoping for… just more creepy smiling. Awesome.

As soon as I entered the main room I felt as if I should get on one knee and bow, offering up my little paper plate of cookies for admittance into the group. My hair in little girl braids and a Princess Leia outfit might have helped too, but… yeah. Guess I didn't have that much foresight.

"Hi," I said, waving like a dork. But all eyes were on the beautiful boy beside me. Not that I could blame them, but what gives? After a quick glance around the room I could see I was the only girl in the room. It wasn't as if I was a bombshell knockout or anything, but I usually garnered _some_ sort of reaction when I walked into a room full of guys. Especially gamer boys on a Friday night. I was slightly offended.

Plus, what the fuck? I had _cookies_.

Edward straightened up regally and cleared his throat. "Greetings," he said to the room.

The room parted like the Red Sea to reveal a guy in camo laid back in some kind of suped up leather recliner. Wearing insane coke bottle glasses and stroking a tiny white chihuahua on his lap. "So… Mr. Cullen," he said in a low, silky voice. "At last you have come."

_Mr. Cullen?_ What a freak show! This guy was at the _most_ our age, probably younger!

"James." Edward inclined his head. "Thank you for the invitation."

James then turned his attention to me, blinking like an owl. He looked like the sort to have beady little eyes but it was impossible to tell behind those glasses. "And the fair Isabella Swan," he purred. "We meet again."

We meet again? Yeah… no. There wasn't a chance in hell I'd ever have forgotten this guy. He reminded me of Ralphie from _A Christmas Story_. Only more… sinister. "Hi." I felt the inane urge to drop a curtsy but I managed to contain myself. "Um… cookies?"

And then I was mobbed. Now that we had been greeted by _James_, I guess we were fair game. Edward grabbed the plate from my hand and walked toward what looked to be the kitchen. They all followed him like a pack of rabid dogs, shoving and cursing and pushing.

"Imbeciles. Every last one," said a quiet voice beside me.

I turned and about jumped out of my skin. _James_. "Holy shit," I squeaked and then slapped a hand over my mouth. I did _not_ want the Master to have my head severed and put on a spike. "That thing…" I waved my hand over his recliner, "can _move?"_

"But of course," he replied, spinning his La-Z Boy around in a little motorized circle. "Alas, the online gaming world has weakened my body to the point that my quadriceps femoris and biceps femoris on both sides have atrophied to alarming degrees."

"Huh?" My mouth fell open.

"No matter." He waved a hand at me airily. "My superior brain power makes up for any of my physical shortcomings. And I have …people to carry out the tasks I require to be… _carried out_." He glanced at Felix the Giant.

Felix grinned and waggled his eyebrows. Which was kind of hard to do with the welding goggles but he pulled it off.

James huffed and spun around. "FELIX!" he barked. "You may eat one of Miss Swan's cookies."

"Sir! Yes sir!" Giant winked then did an about face and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me all alone with the _Master_. I could hear Edward laughing in the other room. Damn him! Did he not know I was in here with a psycho in a turbojet recliner? Time to make use of those Superman panties you put on earlier, Swan.

Panty Power… ACTIVATE!

"So… James." I leaned against the wall and studied him, feeling a bit more confident now that I knew he was confined to a La-Z-Boy. "Who pimped your ride? It's pretty awesome."

He squinted at me and then glanced down at his little dog. "Excuse me," he said smoothly. "Mr. Finger requires the toilet."

"Mr… _Finger?"_

"Mr. _Gold_ Finger," he shot over his shoulder as he glided away.

…Okay…?

I wandered close to the kitchen and peeked in the doorway. Maybe they weren't going to play any games! Maybe I could survive this party long enough to finally do wicked things with my sweet delivery boy later tonight. I spied my plate… empty, no surprise there. All that was left were a bunch of skinny boys fighting over the crumbs and other things. No surprise there, either. They were all in different conversations, all talking over each other.

"What the _fuck_, Elvenforge?" One guy shouted. "Where were you last night? I was getting raped by goblins and you're standing around with your staff up your ass."

"Dude. You having cravings for gargling my nutsack again? Bring it."

"Fuck! Get off my food! I'm calling an air strike in on your ass."

"Bitch, I'm gonna napalm your house if you don't give me half that chocolate cookie."

I quietly stepped away and flattened myself against the wall in the other room. I was in seventh grade boy-locker-room hell. This was officially hell.

Heaven poked his head in and kissed my shoulder. "Hey beautiful. Scared yet?"

I bared my teeth at him. "Why didn't you warn me about little Ralphie on his scooter out there? I know why this group is invitation only, Edward. They want to interview you to make sure you're certifiably insane before they let you join!"

He just grinned at me. I narrowed my eyes. _Why that little…_ "What's going on, Edward?"

Before he could answer the pack of boys filed out of the kitchen. The closest one to me petted my hair.

"The virginity is strong with this one," he whispered, dropping his hand quickly seeing the glare from Edward.

Okay. I was past the point of being scared, appalled, revolted and dumbfounded. I met Edward's gaze and started to laugh. I laughed and laughed until I had tears in my eyes. Until I _snorted_ for god's sake.

"So… Bella." One of the guys asked. "What's your poison?"

Every single boy stopped and hung on my answer.

"Um…" I grinned and shrugged. "I kick ass on Mario Cart Wii."

They all burst out laughing hysterically. Shouts of "Good one!" and "That's the funniest thing I've heard all year!" filled the room and then tapered off as they settled into the room with the huge TV. The Gaming Room. Lord help me.

Only Edward was left, smiling at me softly. "Don't worry Squeaker. I got your back."

I sighed and leaned up to kiss him. "Why are we here when we could be in my bed?"

He groaned and laughed into my mouth and pushed me up against the wall. Where he then proceeded to blank my mind with his tongue and wandering thumb against my chest. God, I would never get enough of this boy. I needed to get some Clark Kent glasses on him pronto.

Suddenly he stopped and I opened my eyes to see him growling at a guy at the other end of the room, fumbling with a little video camera.

"I _know_ you weren't just video taping me having a private moment with my girlfriend, were you, Peter?"

"For research purposes only!" he squealed and hopped away.

I slapped my hand over my mouth to keep my hysterical laughter in.

Fuck. My. Life.

But on the other hand… did he say _girlfriend?_

Squeee!

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><p><strong>Don't flounce because of the crazy! LOL<strong>

**I firmly believe DH will save us. Dare I say it? She may be our only hope. I clearly have gone off the deep end.  
><strong>

**And seriously- over 1000 reviews? Mr. Finger wants to lick every single one of you! :D**


	27. Chapter 27

**Oh, Lordy. The response to our last chapter was AWESOME. PC basically nailed it. Love her so. SIGH.**

**SM owns it all. PC and I own horny Edward and expletives yelled out in the heat of battle.**

**Not beta'd ;)**

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><p>Chapter 27<p>

.

"Shit!"

"What the fuck, bro?"

"That fucker's hiding on the other side!"

"I got 'em! The scaffold's got a bunch of 'em!"

"Fuck!"

The expletives spewing out of these uber nerds were making me giggle as I sat next to Edward as he took his place among them and logged into their game.

Dark Ops. It was a shoot-em-up game for sure, but this was nothing like the games I remembered playing at the arcades. There were no plastic guns to point and shoot at. Instead, there were very complicated and formulated moves just to take out the enemy.

It looked like it was simulation training for the military. Maybe they were hoping these socially awkward boys who'd probably never seen a vagina in real life would be recruitable for the Armed Forces.

Then they'd really get skirt. It was all about the uniform.

That wasn't a problem for Edward, though. He was one of the cool ones. The ones who made gaming sexy and interesting... and made me want to jump him as he destroyed his enemies.

James sat on his motorized lounger, laptop on his lap and microphone attached to his head. Felix sat on the other end, sitting next to a smaller guy. I was still trying to figure out the reason for the welding goggles.

Pretend war helmet? Germaphobe?

"Fuck!"

"You motherfucker!"

"I hope your mother walks in on you masturbating, you motherfucker!"

Some skinny kid next to Felix, I learned they called him Silver Rogue or some stupid name like that, seemed to only know the words _fuck_ and _motherfucker_, and managed to find a use for them in every sentence he spoke.

That took talent.

Just then, Felix smacked poor Rogue over the head.

"Ow! What the fuck, asshole?"

"Watch your language, douche. There's a lady present." Felix paused his game and looked over his shoulder until our eyes met. I mouthed a _thank you _before he smiled bashfully and returned to his game.

I turned to focus on what Edward was doing and he was taking control of this game like a boss.

I was so turned on I didn't know what to do.

I bit my lower lip as I did whatever came naturally.

I scanned the group, noticing they were all in their gaming haze and thoroughly occupied before leaning a little closer to him and skimming his neck with my lips.

I smiled against his fantastically smelling skin when I felt his breath accelerate.

He turned his head slightly towards me, his eyes dilated, sexy as shit, and clearly warning me to cool it.

I realized he couldn't say what he probably wanted to say because his mic was turned on. Unless he wanted to let everyone he was playing with online what I was doing to him, he'd have to be silent. I gave him my most innocent expression until he glanced over at me quickly, awarding me with a little smirk.

So, I took it a step further. Because that's what I do.

Feigning a look of rapt attention at his screen, my hand discreetly rested on his jean-clad knee. Slowly but methodically my hand inched its way higher and higher as I took in Edward's every reaction. It was difficult, since I wasn't positive he was reacting to what I was doing or reacting to the game. Either way, the game I was playing was much more entertaining.

I saw his mouth open slightly and his beautiful eyes widen when I reached my destination, proving that either I was making him hard or the game was.

With gamers, the latter is possible.

But no, I could bet money his hard package was all for me.

I paused there, pressing slightly now and then. I saw his eyes close tight. Maybe I should've stopped at this point, because he managed to fail his mission.

"Damn it!" Edward shouted, scaring me half to death as I practically jumped out of my seat.

Okay. Was he mad at me?

His eyes... his now deep, dark eyes met mine. Yes, maybe he was mad at me.

For a moment, I truly believed I blew any possibility of happy times later in his apartment. I should've thought this through. This was important to him. Entry into this secret society of geeks was paramount to his research, his designs, his programming. I think I may have screwed it up.

I suck as a girlfriend.

Just then, James faced his chair towards us.

"Oh, Savage Gun Six-Nineteen, it seems you've much to learn, my friend. Perhaps Bella... er, Bella, what did you say your gamer call name was?"

Oh shit. I never mentioned my gamer name._ Shit shit shit..._

"Death Swan LP."

Edward saved the day.

Wait. What?

I threw a questioning glance at Edward who was still glaring at me.

Crap. He knew. He knew I was a phony?

"Interesting name, Death Swan LP. We'll call you DSLP for short," James stroked his goatee, that looked more like little pubes on his chin than anything. "As I was saying Edward, perhaps DSLP here is distracting you from your objective. Thus this is the reason this clan does not allow members of the female sex. It would gravely endanger our mission and our kill numbers. No member could resist their wiles... or cookies."

I stared wide-eyed at my delivery boy. I still couldn't figure out if he was angry or horny.

_I_ couldn't figure out if _I _was scared or horny. Go figure.

"No problem, James. We actually have to get going now. Bella and I have to be somewhere soon."

Edward spoke firmly, never releasing me from his gaze as he took off his mic and grabbed my hand. He pulled me to my feet and quickly waved and gave his thanks to the boys and promised James to stay in touch.

James eyed me up and down right in front of Edward. What a perv.

"DSLP, I trust we shall meet again very soon. You are exquisite, but we will no longer grant you entry. We cannot compromise the mission, you understand."

Seriously?

"I understand," I said quietly, ducking my head as Edward's hand squeezed mine quite hard. He practically sprinted out of there, dragging me behind him.

When we reached the car he swung me up against it and kissed me roughly, his hands going everywhere at once. His tongue probed my mouth and while it took me a moment to realize what was going on, I reacted quickly. My hands went directly into his fantastic hair, which I grabbed and pulled, causing him to groan and hold me tighter.

"Edward..." I managed to gasp out when his mouth traveled to my neck.

He ground his hips against me and I could feel his large package right _there_.

"Edward, _oh... shit... _Edward, wait..."

He grunted a response but couldn't be bothered to stop and look at me so I just said what I was suddenly worried about.

"Edward, you knew I wasn't a gamer?"

At that, he paused and leaned away to look at me.

"Yes, I did," he said simply, staring at my lips.

"And you're not mad at me?"

"Does it feel like I'm mad at you?" He replied, thrusting for effect.

"_Damn... _Yeah, no, it doesn't. But... _why_ aren't you mad at me?"

He looked pensive for a moment before looking at me again with those _fuck me_ eyes.

"Because it's not important. What you did tonight, coming with me to this ridiculous place with these ridiculous people, was nothing short of brave. And you did it for me."

I stood there, sandwiched between the car and Edward, in utter amazement.

"And what you did with your hands and your luscious lips back there while I was playing? You have no idea how fucking hot that was," he said gruffly, thrusting at me again.

God, if he didn't do something to alleviate this pressure, I was going to explode.

"Now if you don't mind, DSLP, I'd like to take you to my place as quickly as possible so I can do very naughty things to you... if you want, of course."

I want... Oh, I want.

"I want that. Really badly. But, I meant to ask you... What's the LP for in my name?"

His lopsided grin grew exponentially.

"Little Package, of course."

I smiled wide. "Not Squeaker?"

He stared at my lips again, which caused me to instinctively lick them.

He pushed against me and grabbed my hips possessively.

"No. Squeaker's mine. Only mine," he growled.

Well, alrighty then.

"Lead the way, Savage Gun."

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><p><strong>AN: Well, will PC seal the deal? Will Edward get to see her Superman panties? **

**Thanks for all the great reviews and tweets. We're having a great time with this. Glad you're enjoying it as well! xoxo**


	28. Chapter 28

****looks at DH** How in the world did you ever think we could write in drabbles? ;D  
><strong>

**SM owns... DH and I own pervy flip cameras and Edward's itchy eyes...**

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><p>For some reason we were having a hard time leaving the side of the car.<p>

"Stop," he groaned, as I ran my tongue under his jaw. "Quit it. We need to get in the car so… so we can go… _oh_ _fuck_."

I drew in a startled breath against his neck. "You want to do _that_ in the car?" I teased.

"_No."_ He let out a sexy laugh-moan. "Yes, _yes_… later. Not tonight, but definitely… _everywhere_. Later."

I slid my palms down his back and slipped just under his jeans, fingernails scratching lightly. He moved under my hands, pressing me into the car. I squeezed and he shivered.

"Bella…" he warned, making me giggle. Seriously, how in the world did he think I could go open the door and sit in the car when he had me pinned against the side of it?

"But you smell so good," I whispered. "I can't help it. I want to bite you." I squirmed, twisted, like I was trying to get away and his hands tightened around my waist, proving my little theory. I wasn't going anywhere until he decided he wanted to let me go. A thrill raced through me. Savage had me at gunpoint and there was nothing I could do.

"I want to lick you… taste you…" I murmured, my lips at his ear. I smiled when he growled, nipping my shoulder.

"You shouldn't say things like that."

His hips hadn't stopped moving even though I could tell he was obviously trying to distance himself. But dear heavens, his panting into my neck was only ramping me up. I pulled at his hair and he shuddered, rewarding me with a direct hit, right at the source of my power. Panties. Power panties. Edward was definitely bringing out the girly geek in me.

A small sound across the yard made me open my eyes.

No fucking way.

That little perv, Peter, was at it again, this time hiding in the bushes by the porch with his tiny flip camera. I imagined how Edward and I looked, all entwined and smashed up against the car. I had one foot barely on the driveway; my other leg was hitched around Edward's hip, held tight in the crook of his elbow as he ground himself into me. His big hands, able to take down whole platoons with a flick of his finger, roamed under my shirt, wherever he could reach. I was not a PDA kind of girl… not by a long shot. But whatever it was that sizzled between Edward and I made me forget my own name, much less care if anyone was watching.

So, Pervy Peter wanted a show? Coming right up.

Literally.

I threw my head back and moaned throatily. "Mmmmmm… OH… oh, oh, oh _god_…"

I felt Edward grin against my collarbone and I knew I was giving his ego a hell of a boost right about now. "Shhh," he said.

I tossed my head, hair whipping wildly. "Oh god, oh god, oh, oh, oh, right there, right…" My hands released Edward and slammed behind me onto the car hood… "THERE! OH! AHHH…"

Edward had stopped moving and was staring down at me in amazement, eyes wide.

Yeah, that's right. Meg Ryan had _nothing_ on me.

I smacked my palms down on the car every time I screamed.

"YES!"

"YES!"

"_YESSS!" _

With that little performance over, I gave a satisfied sigh and straightened, sweeping my hair behind my ear. "Ready to go, darling?" I said in a bright voice, patting Edward's cheek. His mouth was hanging open so I gently pushed his chin up to close it. He swallowed and opened his mouth to say something then promptly closed it again. I leaned around his shoulder, narrowing my gaze toward the bushes.

"Didja get all that Peter?" I called loudly.

Edward tensed. I felt an instant loss; the front of his body left mine when he turned all the way around to look for our peeping tom hiding in the azaleas.

"Edward," I murmured, trepidation and mirth doing a strange twist in my voice. "Come on… let's just go, okay?" I would have moved in front of him but he held me fast with one large hand on my stomach. Holy crow, motherscrucker was _strong_. He really _could_ hold me down if he wanted to, and do wicked, wicked things to me.

In a bizarre moment of clarity I was sure that my panties really were magical. Maybe if I wore my Batman underwear he'd dress all in black and talk in a sulky, growly voice all night long… oooh, the possibilities. I definitely needed to talk to Charlotte about adding superhero undies to the catalog.

"Edward?" I said again, as I noticed his hand shaking against me. Oh man. Peter was a weirdo but I'd feel bad if Edward killed him or something. The kid had probably jizzed in his pants as soon as I fell apart on top of the car… if Edward was glaring at him I was sure all his other bodily functions weren't far behind. I made a face. Gross. He'd have to trash those pants for sure.

I expected to see angry face Edward when he turned back around. But no… he was shaking from _laughter_. Looking down at me, his eyes sparkled. "God, Bella. You're one of a kind. I'm never letting you go." He dug in his pocket and pulled out his keys, unlocking the doors with a beep. "Get in Squeaker," he said, kissing me quickly. "Before I stop thinking this is so funny and shove that kid's camera up his ass."

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><p>We were relatively quiet on the way to his house as I held his hand in mine, running my lips over his fingers. The night had been weird, and we'd laughed so hard I felt strangely drained… and then there was the gravity of Edward's bed looming and us in it, romantically lit with all the twinkly lights. I did an internal swoony sigh.<p>

"When did you know?" I asked shyly. "That I wasn't a… Death Swan."

He glanced at me, his mouth quirked up on one side, before he turned his eyes back to the road. "Bella, the minute I saw you at Denny's I knew you weren't into all this stuff. I'd wanted you before… but like I said a while ago, the fact that you went to all that trouble to get to know me," he gave me a soft look, "the real me… well. It meant a lot. Still does… mean a lot." He squeezed my hand.

I swallowed past the sudden lump in my throat. Damn. If I wasn't careful I was gonna fall head over heels in love with this guy.

"Anyway," he said, "that group tonight? Was probably the weirdest out there. Weirdest_ I've_ seen at any rate. James, though… he's a creepy guy but he's the greatest-"

I gasped. "The Greatest Criminal Mind of Our Time?"

He tossed me a strange look as we turned onto his street. "Uh, no, _Lois_…" he laughed. "He's the greatest _hacker_ I've ever seen."

"Ohh," I nodded. Edward parked the car and sighed, rubbing his eye. "What's wrong? That's like the tenth time I've seen you rub your eyes." I bit my lip. "You getting tired already? Need me to put you to bed?"

"Yeah… you can put me to bed," he said with a smirk, tugging me toward the front door. I glanced around nervously but there was no sign of bitchy sisters or tattooed ex-girlfriend anywhere. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I think I'll just go ahead and take out my contacts," Edward was saying. He looked at me sheepishly. "Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I don't know. I'm not usually allergic to dogs at all… I never have been before. That thing must be part rat."

"Mr. Finger?" I giggled, following him down the hallway. "He might have been _all_ rat."

Edward's room was just how I remembered it… all boy, soft and glowy… it smelled like him, books and home. Or at least somewhere I never wanted to leave. He kissed me softly and pushed me to sit on the edge of the bed. Now that we were here the urgency we'd felt earlier had been replaced by the delicious need to take our slow, sweet time with each other.

"Can I get you anything?" he asked but I shook my head. "Okay… this will take two seconds," he promised, disappearing into the bathroom. I lay my head on his pillow. He'd washed his sheets. Oh, Edward. You thoughtful, sweetheart of a boy.

I heard his voice before I saw him in the doorway..

"Bella? Okay… don't laugh." He walked back in the bedroom nervously, pushing his glasses up his nose with one finger.

My mouth fell open. I couldn't speak. I couldn't even squeak. I could barely even breathe.

He groaned. "Fuck. I know they're bad but I wanted to see you when we…" he shook his head and sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Listen, I'll take them off. These glasses are awful, I know— a total mood killer. Rose always makes so much fun of me. She says I look stupid...like Clark Kent… lame, huh? Bella? ...Bella?"

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><p><strong>*hides*<strong>

**I'm sorry! I _swear_ I was totally going to seal the deal with them tonight and then Pervy Peter jumped out of the bushes. *shakes tiny fist***

**Also- I'm sure you recognized my mini version of When Harry Met Sally's diner orgasm scene. If you didn't then... well, I don't even know what to say. It's only my favorite movie of all time, ever. :)  
><strong>

**You guys are awesome... so awesome. Your reviews make DH and I snort and giggle :D**

**Who wants to bet that Bella's Superman panties are burning a hole through her pants right about now? LOL  
><strong>


	29. Chapter 29

**SM owns. PC and I own Edward's glasses and Bella's fetish.**

**A drabble? What's that? ;)**

**Not beta'd ;P**

**So... *ahem*... where were we?**

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><p>Chapter 29<p>

.

Was someone speaking?

I thought I could hear Edward's warm voice but it felt far away...

We couldn't have that now, could we?

"Bella? _Shit_... Bella, can you hear me?" His worried words suddenly brought me back to the present- the very hot, jumpable present.

I was being punk'd, I was sure of it. I looked around for possible hidden cameras, and being slightly paranoid after that little episode earlier with Peter, my suspicions were heightened.

Because seriously. Edward was wearing glasses. Not just any glasses, oh no.

Black-rimmed glasses. Clark Kent.

_Oh, sweet baby Jesus._

Edward was at my side in an instant, his eyes full of concern, his hands desperate to do... what exactly? I don't know, they were touching me delicately, all over the place- on my face, my shoulders, arms, back on my face.

He was unaware, however, that it was doing little to help me out of my sex-dream come to life.

Yes. I have a Superman fetish.

And here was Edward, the object of my every fantasy, fusing with my other fantasy, and it was just...

My hormones took over pretty darn quickly after that. My lips crashed into his, my tongue seeking his as he sat there completely still for about ten seconds before reacting.

His hands grabbed and flexed, leaving hot trails of sensation from my waist to my back and ending at my face as he angled my head for better tongue sex.

In an instant I was straddling him, his hands reaching down to my ass, pulling me closer to his hardness. Our panting breaths a staccato rhythm as we struggled to breathe and kiss at the same time. I decided to taste his neck, which garnered a groan from someone... not quite sure if it was him or me really, nor did I really care.

"Bell... Bella... I can take them off if... you... _shit_..."

NO. No... just...

"NO!" I grunted, staring right at him and grabbing his face sternly.

"No?" He actually sounded frightened.

"No. As a matter of fact, I want you to leave them on. All. The. Time."

I growled. They were on his face, sitting slightly askew, which did nothing to calm my horniness.

He smirked at me, the fact I found his glasses sexy finally dawning on him as he swiftly flipped me over, his warm, hard body over mine as I sunk into his wonderful-smelling bed.

"Interesting..." he mused before dropping his head into the crook of my neck and beginning his delicious assault. I could feel the hardness of his frames, making me a little crazy.

I felt him everywhere and we both greedily tugged at our clothes, silently agreeing there was too much in the way. My shirt was the first to go, then his. He pushed his glasses back into position as my hands wandered up and down his perfect chest. He groaned when my fingers met his happy trail, all soft and inviting as I flicked the button of his jeans and dove right in.

"Fuck!" He breathed against my shoulder, his mouth latching onto it as I wrapped my hand around his hard package.

Not to be outdone, Edward's hand traveled down to my chest where his thumb pressed circles on my nipple over the fabric of my blue lacy bra. I arched into his touch, wanting to get even closer. When he tugged the cup of my bra down and his mouth descended on my nipple, I swear I thought I saw angels. His hands reach behind me as he unclasped my bra, and in an instant it was gone.

"Take. Off. Your. Clothes." I said firmly.

I heard him chuckle as his heat momentarily left me. I wasn't having that at all, but I guess it was necessary for the special delivery to show itself.

When he was completely bare for me, my foot held him still at his chest.

"Wait. Let me just have a moment here. I want to look at you."

He was... there were no words. I mean, he had a "V" at his pelvis, people.

Edward naked, with glasses on.

That's all I'm gonna say.

When my eyes met his mischievous ones he grinned and wrapped his hand around my ankle.

"I think these need to come off to, don't you agree?" He said, toying with the hem of my jeans.

"By all means, be my guest," I replied with a breathy tone. I sounded like a whore, I'm sure.

Edward's hands traveled up my legs and thighs as he crawled...no... slinked his way towards me, like a hungry tiger ready to pounce.

_Oh, geez, I was going to come before all of this was over._

I closed my eyes when I felt his hot mouth on my tummy, making its was below my belly button as I heard the unzipping of my jeans. I relished in the feel of his hands pushing the waistband down.

"Oh, _shit_."

He stopped. _Oh, why did he stop?_

I opened my eyes and lifted my head.

Edward was staring, slack-jawed, at my panties.

My Superman panties.

"Did you...uh, are these for me?" He gulped loudly, still staring at the "S".

"Well, they're my panties, but yeah... I kind of wore them for you," I said, sheepishly.

He mumbled something under his breath that I couldn't make out and then dove right in.

I gasped when his groan vibrated against my... "S", the heat of his breath causing me to lose focus. His hands grabbed onto my hips and ass, his fingers hooking themselves into the edge of my panties.

"I almost don't want to take them off, this is fucking awesome," he mumbled.

I giggled, amused by his boyish wonder and his geekish tendencies.

"Well, you're going to have to, because I'm about to combust here," I replied.

More giggling ensued before he slid the blue material down my legs and threw them over his shoulder. When he spread my legs and tasted me...

Yeah... no one was laughing.

"Oh, good GOD! I love that!" I squeaked.

And do I really have to describe how good he was at this?

His finger and his tongue... marvelous things._ MARVELOUS._

His spectacled gaze locked on me as he went to town down there?

Mother._ Fucker._

Sadly, it didn't take much to make me scream his name after that image, and as I came down from that truly elevating orgasm, he made his way up my body in a flash.

He looked down on me with a gaze so intense, I thought he would burn a hole right through me it was so hot.

He lowered his lips onto my collarbone as my fingers found his glorious hair, and I could feel the tip of him slide up and down my clit. My breath caught and I wanted more.

So much more.

He never lifted his head as I heard the drawer of his nightstand open and close. The foil was torn open and I had the honors of gliding the condom on, taking advantage of the moment to stroke him a few times. He nipped at my nipple, eliciting another squeak.

"God, I could listen to that sound all day," he murmured against my skin.

I was too revved up for a response.

He entered me slowly, allowing me time to adjust.

And boy, did I need to adjust.

"You okay?" Edward whispered in my ear, his hand rubbing my waist down to my hip and back again. He was the sweetest.

"Mmhmm," I nodded.

When I opened my legs a little wider and shifted my hips just a tad, I saw stars. The really good kind.

"Oh! Fuck me..."

"That's the plan," he responded playfully before pulling out slightly and pushing back in.

The rhythm of our movements increased soon after and we were lost.

"Bella, damn... You feel... so... fucking good... you don't know..." He panted with each thrust.

"God..." I was climbing... climbing...

"I've had dreams about this, you know? Us like this... _shit_... so good... so much better than the dream," he said as his speed increased.

"Fuck! Edward... I'm... I'm..."

"Damn..."

"Touch me!"

His fingers immediately moved between us to rub my clit until I climbed so high there was no other way but down... down... down...

"Edward, Oh, God... I'm gonna come..."

"Yes... come... come for me, Bella..."

And I fell.

A fucking out-of-body experience.

A few more seconds of erratic thrusting and Edward was falling too.

His weight on top of me was something I would never tire of, of that, I'm sure.

The silence between us was heaven, coupled with his sweet tiny kisses on my shoulder.

We leveled out after a few more seconds and he slowly rolled over, taking me with him by my waist until we were on our sides facing each other.

His glasses were once again askew and fogged up. Nothing sexier.

His eyes had once again grown intense with some unnamed emotion. Green like sea glass.

"I'm buying you every other superhero panties I can find online," he declared, as we both drifted into quiet sleep.

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><p><strong>AN: So there.**

**I'll be in bed, wishing I could smoke.**

**Reviews are sublime. Thank you all for your continued support here, on Twitter and FB. You all make me and PC laugh. Seriously.**


	30. Chapter 30

**Sorry for the repost! FF. net made ch 30 disappear :( So here it is again, same as before. :)  
><strong>

**I have no idea if the old ch 30 will pop up again... ?  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Umm... what we have here is Porn without Plot. Smut without Substance. Raunchy without Reason. You get the idea.<strong>

**Not beta'd. I would have been beaten over the head with my Harlequin Thesaurus many times today if it had been. ;) No... I'm serious.**

**SM owns. DH and I own Edward's dirty fucking mouth and finger expeditions.**

I was cozy and warm but something was tickling my leg. I sighed and shifted to lie on my back, snuggling into softness. Mmmm… sleep… sleep was good, so good and I was drifting in a lovely dream. But then the tickling came back. Ugh, go away, annoying tickle. My mind was slowly waking but my body was so far behind it wasn't even funny.

I blinked and found myself looking at my bent knee trying to make sense of what I was seeing. My knee wasn't so strange, I'd had it all my life… but the two fingers walking around on top were definitely out of place. As I watched, one of the finger-legs waved at me.

"Shhh… don't move," a gravely voice whispered. "He's on a good morning expedition."

Edward. I smiled and stretched my arms out, my hand coming back to land on top of the dark bedhead lying on my stomach. His hair was a terrible disturbance in the force. I tamed it with my fingers and watched his hand skate around on top of my knee.

"There's no where for him to go," I murmured. "He's at the top of the mountain."

"Oh, he's just having a look around." Soft lips brushed against my stomach. "Deciding where he wants to go next."

"Mmmm… how will he get down?"

"He's able to leap tall buildings in a single bound," he said, and I could feel the smile on his face. "But the terrain is treacherous," he continued, moving his head to lie in the crook of my arm. "He must proceed with caution." His fingers slid down my thigh to settle on my lower stomach, just inches away from a worthy expedition indeed, in my opinion. The finger-legs danced in a small patch of hair before they sprang away toward my belly button.

"He's going the wrong way," I protested.

"Oh no," he blew across my chest. "He's been warned against the dark forest." He grinned, waiting for my reaction, his fingers walking casually over my ribs.

I snorted. "I'll have you know the groundskeeper… um, the _forestkeeper_ keeps everything very well maintained. Down there. Uh, in the forest." I pulled his hair, his rumbles traveling through me, leaving tingles in their wake. "Well… I'd like to think of it being more of a lovely English garden anyway," I sniffed.

"Look," Edward said, his beautiful eyes meeting mine for the first time that morning. "He's made a discovery." The fingers walked a careful circle around my nipple. "Whatever shall he do?"

"I'm sure I don't know," I teased in a light voice, but I bit my lip to hold in my moan. My heart was racing and he hadn't even touched me yet.

"He's noticed an increase in ground movement," he whispered, the fingers walking to the center of my chest. He tapped lightly, indicating my accelerated breathing, before he skipped back up to the little rosy peak. Boldly, he reached out and rubbed the tip, drawing back when it hardened and pebbled. "Interesting…" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Surely this guy had been in… uh, similar lands before. He should know what to expect." I arched, sighing, because the little finger guy was dancing on my nipple like there was no tomorrow.

"He's been in other lands but this land is by far the most beautiful, the softest… the sweetest land he's ever visited. There's so much he wants to know…and see. So much he wants to do." Edward watched me carefully. "He said he doesn't want to leave. Ever."

Tears pricked my eyes. How was this possible? I hardly knew Edward. But somehow I knew we were perfect for each other.

"Plus," Edward added with a wicked smile. "When he does _this_," he pinched me lightly, twisting, making me gasp, "funny noises come down from the sky. He really likes that." His mouth covered my other nipple, suckling gently.

I squirmed, my back bowing in sheer pleasure. "Oh god… tell him, tell him that he can invite his friends…" I laughed in a breathless voice at Edward's startled look. "His _finger_ friends, doofus. They can build a whole town… have… oh, oh, have lewd, crazy parties whenever they want." I started to giggle… and it was such a bizarre feeling to feel the urge to laugh and moan in ecstasy at the same time. Clearly, I was just as insane as the silly boy beside me.

"There are only two others… and they don't share," Edward said darkly. Another finger friend made an appearance, replacing his mouth as his body hovered over mine. For a split second I'd wondered who the third finger friend could be before I realized I had already met him, quite intimately, just a few hours ago. Edward kissed me roughly, groaning into my mouth as I rubbed up against him. Neither one of us had a stitch on, and we were almost past the point of no return. He sat up on his knees suddenly; his eyes sweeping over every inch of his land… uh, my body. A condom was retrieved from the bedside table and quickly put to use.

"Level up," I said sweetly, "the garden is open for visitors." I grinned when he burst out laughing. But after a minute he still hadn't moved, just continued to look down at me thoughtfully.

"Hold still…" he said. "I just want to try one thing." He grabbed his Clark Kent glasses off the bedside table and slowly put them on, doing a piss poor attempt at stifling his amusement when I whimpered, my hips lifting of their own accord.

"Oh god, that's so unfair," I moaned, scowling when he blinked at me innocently from behind the frames. "You don't know… oh _god_, you don't know what those do to me."

"Tell me," he said in a low voice, bending down to kiss my throat. He pushed inside slowly, reaching back to pull my knee up to my chest. "Tell me… ah baby, you feel so good. I'm gonna fuck you nice and slow…" he twisted his hips and my eyes fluttered. "Just like that… fuck, ahh _fuck yes_… " Now he was slamming in fast, pulling out slow, and every time he added this swivel that he must have learned from the devil himself. Erotic obscenities poured out of his mouth as he pumped in and out, contrasting with the wholesome image of his glasses. I whimpered and must have looked insane because he kept talking, pushing me closer and closer to the edge.

"Did you think that a guy in glasses wouldn't have such a dirty fucking mouth?" he rasped. The muscles in his trembling arms bunched and pulled as he worked his hips. "You like it, Bella… I can tell; your beautiful pussy likes being fucked hard. Doesn't it? Tell me…" his thrusts were erratic, his eyes wild.

I thrashed with pleasure, gasping… his words, his glasses and his damn swivel sending me over the top in minutes. He shivered and shuddered above me before collapsing by my side, gathering me into his arms.

"Oh my god," I whispered. I might as well be dead. I couldn't move anything. Except maybe one eyelid. Barely. But it was enough to see Edward with his head propped up on one hand, looking down at me. His hair was everywhere, he was flushed and exhausted. But happy.

"Was that okay?" he asked shyly, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "You fogged my glasses up again." His lips tried to pout but his grin won the contest.

I caught my breath. Oh, this beautiful boy. The glasses rocked my world but it was his heart I was falling in love with.

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><p><strong>Um. Yeah. So...<strong>

**Let's see if DH will let them get out of the bed. :)**

**Y'all, the reviews... thank you so much. Hysterical is putting it lightly- we giggle every time we read them. xoxo**


	31. Chapter 31

**Sorry about the crazy repost thing. FFN has been acting all kinds of wonky today but I believe everything is back to normal, yes?**

**Well, I didn't keep them in bed, but they do get to play. And yes, just a teeny tiny bit of plot. **

**SM owns. PC & I own Wet Edward and Finger Tours.**

**Unbeta'd ;)**

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><p>Chapter 31<p>

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The sound of the shower woke me from my deep sleep as I rubbed my eyes and squinted from the lines of sunlight filtering through the blinds. It took me a moment to remember where I was.

Edward. Edward's scent. Bed. Kisses. Sex. Finger tours. More sex.

Edward's filthy mouth.

My thighs rubbed together as I cat-stretched remembering my sweet, sexy nerdy boy and the way he pounded into me, his foggy glasses perched precariously at the end of his nose as he told me how good it felt to fuck me.

And yeah, he used those exact words. Dirty boy.

It must've been at least eleven in the morning, judging by the amount of bright light coming in. Luckily, it being Sunday meant I had nowhere to be, not that I wouldn't have cancelled and flaked out of whatever I _did_ have to do, _if_ I had something to do...

Which I don't... Except to _do_ him... of course.

Although my body protested any movement which would take it away from Edward's fantastic bed, another part of me was drawn to the sound of the shower.

Like a moth to a flame...

Or a tie fighter to the Death Star tractor beam.

See what I did there? Nerd Speak was rubbing off on me. I didn't mind one bit as long as there was rubbing involved.

My feet padded on the cold wood floors until I slowly turned the knob and entered the steam-filled bathroom.

I could see Edward's foggy naked form and immediately knew what I wanted to do.

I read enough fan fiction and harlequin romances to have a mental library of sexual fantasies...

Hazards of the job.

I undressed, stepping out of my panties and forward towards the shower door. Edward must've seen my shadow because he suddenly stopped hie movements.

"Well, don't just stand there, join me." His amused voice echoed against the tiles and I smiled as I opened the door and entered.

The scent of his soap and shampoo and the steam, along with the visual in front of me left me a little loopy. There he was, naked and wet all over, his hair ultra dark and green eyes like deep emeralds as he smirked and pulled me against him.

The water was oh, so warm, and his wet skin smooth and slippery as my hands traveled over his shoulders and into his wet hair before attaching my lips to his. I could feel his arousal against my thigh as he brought me under the spray and his hands worked through my hair.

"Hmm, good morning, Squeaker. Any plans today?" He leaned away but didn't let go.

"None. Sundays are usually lazy for me."

"Stay with me," he whispered in my ear as he pulled me impossibly closer to him.

I let out a low moan against his jaw. "Okay."

Then he did something that no other man has ever done for me.

He washed me.

Like really. I thought that was just a plot device for the stories I read, but no.

He reverently washed me from head to toe like I was royalty. I stood there in awe of the beautiful, _adorkable_ boy, and I couldn't believe he was real.

When he was done, I was so overcome with equal parts adoration and lust, I didn't even think twice about what I was about to do.

So I did what any good _girlfriend_ would do.

I got down on my knees.

"No, Bella, baby, no, you don't have to do that... we can just... go back to bed... and... _ohhh_..."

Yeah, his dick in my mouth shut him up real fast.

He leaned up against the tile wall and slammed his hands against them.

I went to town. I did everything I knew and everything I've ever read.

And all the while, Edward glanced down at me with a look that was a mix of worship, animal desire, and amazement. It was awesome.

I was awesome.

When he felt himself at the edge, he tried to push me away but I was having none of that. He came seconds later, shouting out expletives and my name like the dirty, filthy-mouthed boy he really is and I took it all like a boss.

It's not pleasant. I don't care what they tell you. But, you do what you gotta do, right?

Edward pulled me up, thanked me with words and kisses... and an orgasm with his magnificent fingers. When the water started to lose temperature, we decided to find some food. I dressed first and decided to ferret around the kitchen for breakfast... or maybe lunch, while he checked his email for messages from his gaming clan and a couple from his brother.

"Oh, that's right. You mentioned before that you had a brother. He doesn't live here?"

"No, he works out in Dallas as an agent for some Dallas Cowboys player. He's actually going to be in town this week, I'd love for you to meet him. He's Rose's twin."

Curiouser and curiouser. In that moment, I realized how little we knew each other and how fast we were moving. Everything seemed so right though. So what if we were unconventional? It was working out so far. But I was determined to learn more about him and share more about myself if he'd let me.

I kissed him quickly before agreeing to meet his brother and went out to the kitchen.

The rest of the apartment was quiet, and I knew he had a roommate, but mysteriously, I've never met him. The party was kind of crazy and I was pretty wasted. But there was no sign of said roommate at all. Weird.

As I got busy getting some items together for sandwiches, I hummed happily, realizing I was doing a very "couply" thing... making food for my honey.

"Oh, God, are you serious?"

"Shit!" The voice startled me so badly that I dropped my buttering knife into the sink with a loud clank. When I turned around, I was met with two of the most accusing and skeptic ice-blue eyes.

"Hi, Rose."

.

.

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><p><strong>AN: Well, B's gonna have to deal with her at some point... I hope she puts her big girl panties (Superman? She-Ra? Leia?) on and puts Rose in her place. And who's Edward's roommate? How about Edward's brother? And will B ever divulge that her own brother, Jasper, is a bigwig in the gaming industry? Hmmm... **

**Thanks so much for the incredibly funny reviews we've been getting. We may not be able to reply, but just know it puts a smile on our faces to see you all "get" us. **

**BTW, if any of you are reading the fantastic fic, "Unrequited", its author, Perry Maxwell has recently been unwell and in and out of the hospital. She's okay for the most part, but just keep her in your thoughts and prayers and maybe even give her a little PM shoutout. We love you, Perry. Hope you feel better soon!**


	32. Chapter 32

**SM owns. DH and I own _Ejacula_. Multiple copies. The behind the scenes documentary is so worth it.**

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><p>"What?" I said irritably, turning back to the sandwiches. Edward's sister might be the rudest person I'd ever met. And that was really saying something, considering I knew Eric. "Rose, if you wanted a sandwich all you had to do was ask."<p>

"I don't want a sandwich."

"Oh." I glanced up at her. "Okay. That's probably for the best. 'Cause you were gonna have to eat the end piece. I don't eat those. They're just not part of the loaf, you know?"

She leaned up against the counter, watching me spread peanut butter. "Did Edward give you that shirt to wear?"

I looked down. The t-shirt in question used to be bright red, I think. Now it was a faded pink mess, frayed at all the edges, and there was a hole in one of the armpits. A picture of Yoda's serene face proudly graced the front, over the words _What Would Yoda Do?_ I'd just grabbed the first shirt I saw in his drawer. "Umm, he saw me wearing it," I said. "He didn't seem to mind."

In fact he had taken one look at me in his shirt and pushed me up against the door to kiss me senseless, feeling me up over top of the fabric before he excused himself to check his email. The boy was crazy insatiable. But now I was paranoid. It was probably his most favorite shirt in the world and here I was wearing it, slapping peanut butter on bread like I didn't have a care in the world.

"It's only his most favorite shirt in the world," she said quietly. "He's had it since the 6th grade."

My eyes widened. Great. I knew how important these things were. Jasper had an old Mork and Mindy shirt that he'd guarded with his life when we were growing up. The thing was practically rags last time I saw it but he still loved it. He probably had it locked up in his safe deposit box so Maria couldn't get to it. I could see her setting it on fire just to make him cry. I stroked Yoda's screen-printed face, careful to make sure my fingers were free of peanut butter. _Take care of you I will_.

"Why are you after my brother?" Rose asks in a cold voice, disdain laced through every word.

"Why am I after your brother…" I repeated, biting my lip. This girl was nuts but she was related to my sweet boy/love god/Clark Kent specs-wearing orgasm machine. I had to play nice. "Damn it, you uncovered my evil plot," I sighed. "I've tricked him into starring in my new porno. It's gonna be so awesome. It's a remake of Dracula." I took a huge bite of peanut butter and jelly and chewed, watching her impassively. "We're calling it _Ejacula_," I smirked. "I'll even send you a copy, free of charge. Because I like you so much."

"I knew it!" she hissed. Her fists balled up and her face turned an alarming shade of purple. "Have you been recording sexual encounters with him without his knowledge? Because that's illegal and I _will_ see you in prison for it."

"But I don't look good in orange! Oh please! Please…no," I wailed, calmly pouring a glass of milk. "Are you sure you won't reconsider? I'll send you my whole collection." I leaned forward. "There's lots and lots of anal sex…" I whispered, batting my eyelashes. This was kind of fun. And I was definitely buying as many superhero power panties as I could find when I went back to Target. They gave me courage. "But my favorite is the one where I get pregnant on purpose so I can trap the hero into a loveless marriage."

I suppose the strange night at James' house was good for something. If I could handle James, that creeper Peter and Felix the Giant, not to mention Mr. Gold Finger, then I might be able to handle anything. Even Edward's bitchy sister.

Rose scowled at me. "You're joking. I can tell."

"Really? And here I thought porn stars were such great actresses."

"I'll find out what you're up to," she said in a menacing whisper, pointing her finger at me. "You can count on it. And then I'll expose you to my brother for the money grubbing whore that you are."

"Yeah, because there's such a fortune to be had in delivering for UPS," I said. "Fine. I'll tell you the real reason I'm in love with your brother. He talks like Yoda in bed. It's such a turn on. Ermm!" I croaked in a high squeaky voice. "Fuck you I will! May the orgasms be with you!" I giggled at myself. And then I suddenly had a moment of clarity. "Hold on just a cotton-picking minute. When was the last time you got laid, Rose?"

"I hardly think that's any of your business," she glared at me. "But I can tell you I'm not a whore like you."

"Of course not," I said dryly. She really loved that word. That girl needed a thesaurus in the worst way. "No one can touch me in terms of… whorey-ness. Sluttiness. Whatever. But a good vibrator will make you into a new woman, girl. Give me your address and I'll send you a sample box. You'll love it, I promise."

Edward chose that moment to saunter into the kitchen. He had his fingers stuck in his ears but he was wearing a huge grin. "I'm pretending I heard none of that conversation," he said, kissing me on the forehead. He slid his hand down my arm with the sole purpose of bringing my half eaten sandwich up to his mouth. "Mmmm…" he took a huge bite, practically annihilating all that was left. "You make the best peanut butter and jellies," he said dreamily.

Rose huffed and crossed her arms.

"By the way," he added with a glance at his sister. "You won't have any luck with this one. She's been pining after Emmett McCarty her whole life."

"Edward!" she gasped.

"The football player?" I grinned. "Wait… he plays for the Cowboys. Is he your brother's client? Rose! This is perfect!" Because if I could somehow align the planets and make Rose happy? Then we could _all_ be happy.

"I can't believe you, Edward!" she shrieked, stomping her foot before she ran out.

"I hate to tell you this, but your sister has issues."

"She's shy," Edward said, eating peanut butter straight out of the jar. It was gross but I kinda loved him for that. "And she's used to getting her way."

"I can't remember if Emmett McCarty is married."

"He's not married," he said. "I don't know if he's involved with anyone though."

"Haven't you ever thought about setting them up?" I asked, grabbing his hand and licking peanut butter off his knuckles, loving the way his eyes darkened.

"No." He swiped his finger through the jar and held it in front of my mouth, waiting for me to open. I did not disappoint.

"Tell your brother to bring him when he visits," I said as I nibbled on his finger. "If we can make Rose happy…"

His eyes lit up, following my train of thought easily. "I like the way you think," he cooed, replacing his finger with his mouth. "Bella Swan, where have you been all my life?"

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><p><strong>Awww! Peanut butter brings everyone together. If it'd been Nutella they might have thrown down right there on the kitchen floor.<strong>

**DH and I love the reviews! And I love her. :) Thanks, guys.  
><strong>


	33. Chapter 33

**SM owns. PC and I own crazy Brazilian supermodels and Vampire groupies... wait... we ARE vampire groupies... hmmm...**

**Sorry took a while. FFN has been fail yet again. Enjoy!**

**Unbeta'd. All mistakes are mine. ;)**

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><p>Chapter 33<p>

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The rest of our Sunday went as it should- lounging on the sofa watching a _Firefly_ marathon on Syfy and him teaching me the basics of Dark Ops. Not gonna lie, going around and killing the enemy works up quite an appetite and I was a bit worked up in other ways too. After devouring a large pepperoni pizza, we fooled around a bit more right there in his living room. Luckily, Rose had left shortly after our conversation in a huff, not even bothering to speak to her darling brother.

"I'm sorry about my sister," Edward said quietly sometime later while we watched TV. my back pressed up against his chest as his sweatpants-clad open legs cradled me comfortably.

"You have nothing to apologize for. She's harsh but she's just looking out for you. She doesn't know me from Adam and she probably assumed she'd get you and your ex back together, so I'm sure she was caught off guard." My fingers made patterns on his forearms and he let out a low moan when I traced the little vein that ran from my elbow to the top of his wrist.

"Yeah, but my sister..."

"Your sister needs to get laid, we established this earlier. I'm totally serious, you should tell your brother to bring that McCarty with him. When does her get here?"

"Thursday. Their playing an away game on Sunday, so Emmett will most definitely be here."

"So... we'll do a double date or something... or triple, really, right? Your brother has a girlfriend or something?"

"Nah, he's single. Very single. Liam's a confirmed bachelor, and he likes to party. He's usually got some supermodel with him."

We talked as he flipped through the movie channels, stopping when he found X-Men First Class. My senses went a little haywire when Michael Fassbender filled the screen.

I moaned. A little loudly. It was totally involuntary.

But, you have seen Michael Fassbender, right? I mean, come on. Totally justifiable response, if you ask me.

"Oh, you like this guy, huh?" Edward asked teasingly. I turned my head to narrow my eyes at him.

"Yeah, well, I mean... look at him. You don't have to be gay to appreciate the beauty that is Fassy. You can still hold onto your manhood and admit he's a good looking guy."

"Hm. Maybe. At least he's a good actor. Not like that vampire guy..."

My stood up straight and stared at him, mouth open in shock.

"Don't you dare..."

"Oh, _God!_ You are one of those crazy vampire guy groupies!" Edward clutched at his sides as his laughter filled our space.

"So what if I am? It's a good story, and he's hot... actually, you kinda look like him a little..." I remarked, arching a brow.

"Ugh! I do not look like that moron! And that story is stupid. Totally messed up vampire lore... you just don't do that."

"Vampires are mythological characters, Edward. So what if the author changed things around?"

"I know it's fictional, blah blah blah, but she's messing with years and years of established lore, no matter if it's fiction or not. Vampires are supposed to be scary and demonic." Edward spoke passionately and adamantly. It was pretty cute to watch.

"Well, I'm a fan, so there. You can like your little video games and your little superheroes, and I can like my Young Adult vampires." I stuck my nose up in the air for added effect. Edward just chuckled and pulled me back down until I my body was flushed with his. He fingered his ancient shirt on me and I immediately felt a little guilty.

"Hey, I didn't mean to grab this shirt. Rose mentioned it was your favorite and I know how attached one can get and..."

My babbling was silenced by his lips and tongue on mine so I just went with it.

"I fucking love you in this shirt. And it makes me want to take it off and do very dirty things to you," he whispered in my ear as his hands turned me around and gripped my waist firmly, guiding me to straddle him. I could totally feel how much he loved me in this shirt and since I was a wonton whore according to Rose, I chose to embrace the word.

His hands roamed underneath my shirt... _his_ shirt... and I was fully expecting to take things to the next level until I heard the distinct sounds of keys in the lock.

"Shit!" I flung myself off the couch and did a half-assed job of redressing while Edward ran his fingers roughly through his hair.

"Al. Didn't expect to see you today," Edward greeted the tall blonde with rugged good looks.

"Yeah, I didn't expect to be back, but Senna kind of threw me out this morning. We had a fight. She's a little nutso. Hi, I'm Alistair " he said, his hand reaching out towards me. I reacted quickly and returned the gesture.

"Bella. Nice to meet you."

"Bella, this is my roommate and cousin, Alistair Masen. I don't know if you remember him from the party," he said, furrowing his brow questioningly.

"Um, no, I don't think I remember, sorry. That party was a little... a lot happened that night." I don't think I needed to broadcast my drunkenness or any of the drama from that evening.

Alistair nodded knowingly. "Yeah, things were a little crazy that night, I agree. Well, I'm just gonna head up to my room. Sorry to disturb you guys. Hope I didn't cockblock ya," he said, a sly grin gracing his handsome face as he walked towards his room.

Geez, the DNA in this family.

"Yeah, you kinda did, you jackass," Edward shouted, half-jokingly, the yelled at him again as Alistair receded into his room.

"Hey, by the way, Liam's coming in on Thursday. We're thinking of getting everyone together for dinner or something. You in?"

Alistair poked his head out the door. "Yeah, sounds good. Maybe I'll be back together with Senna and I'll bring her along." The sound of his door clicking shut ended the conversation.

"Senna? Weird name," I observed.

"Yeah. Brazilian model. She's a little crazy... she thinks she's Gisele Bundchen and gets a little divaish."

"Oh. That kinda sucks."

He snorted while standing up and taking my hand, pulling me to stand as well.

"They'll be back together in about twenty-four hours. I think Al thrives on drama. I'm so glad you're not like that." Edward started to walk back to his room, pulling me along. I followed all too willingly.

"I'm no supermodel, though," I replied, my insecurities making a small cameo appearance. He could do so much better than me.

Edward closed the door behind us, once again in the cozy bubble of his room, before wrapping his arms around me. His eyes beamed intensely green and full of something I couldn't describe.

"You're beautiful. And you are super. You have the underwear to prove it. And by the way, I'm totally getting you geeky underwear now." The mirth in his voice made me smile before I kissed him senseless.

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><p><strong>AN: I was totally hoping to set this up so that we move away from Edward's room. But Bella seems to like it there... maybe PC will bring us to the start of another week at the Toy company, or maybe swing us over to Thursday...who knows? I sure as hell don't lol**

**We can't thank you enough for all the crazy, funny reviews you give us, and all the pimpin' on FB and Twitter. Really, it makes us *squeee* ;)**


	34. Chapter 34

**Hi! *peeks in* Don't blame poor DH for my slow, slow ass. But I'm here now. It's all good. :D**

**SM owns. DH and I own Mike's sports movie fetish. **

**Multiple pop culture references ahead, sorry. j/s**

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><p>I was walking on sunshine, just like that 80's song.<p>

Life as Edward's girlfriend was sublime. And while I could have permanently moved into his twinkly-lit boy room with the plushy down comforter and never looked back; we wanted to do things right. So I went home Sunday night like a good girl. We both had work early the next morning, after all. But before I left I wandered around his room, breathed in the smell of his closet, and rubbed the twill of his khaki UPS shorts between my fingers. _I'll see YOU tomorrow_, I thought to his uniform, imagining _him_, knowing what would be beneath the fabric all day. I couldn't help but shiver, because now I knew _exactly_ what he looked like under his shorts.

Jessica smirked at me as I loitered around the front desk.

"Expecting a delivery?" she asked, blowing on her nails.

I raised an eyebrow. "Maybe."

She hummed and rolled her eyes dramatically. "Really, Bella, you need to relax. I have no interest in your gamerboy. I mean, he's cute and everything, but I don't really get into all that nerdy stuff." She waved her hand. "Elves and dragons and warlocks…"

"Oh my," I murmured.

"…military formations and blowing things up… magic powers and healing potions…"

"May I remind you that you met your new flavor of the week at a nerdy gamerboy party?" I glanced out the window at the street below and made a face at my reflection. No big brown truck with a beautiful boy just yet.

"Oh, Michael's not into all that," she said, glaring at me when I scoffed. "He's not! He only plays those John Madden sports games- he could care less about all that other stuff."

Oh! _Michael_ now, is it? I grinned. "Right."

"Seriously! He's very sporty. Not nerdy at all."

I folded my arms. I found it hard to believe that Mike didn't have some hidden geeky tendencies somewhere. "What kind of movies does he like? I'll bet he secretly loves Lord of the Rings."

"Nope, I've seen all of his favorite movies; he has them displayed on his mantle." Jess smiled dreamily. "He let me pick one to watch with him over the weekend. You know, for such an athletic person he's very in touch with his emotions."

I clasped my hands over my heart. "Aww, did he cry when Rudy ran out on the field?"

"No, no… it was when the doctor saved the little girl from choking on the hotdog in Field of Dreams. Oh! It was so sweet!" She fanned her eyes so she wouldn't get emotional. "And he wasn't ashamed of his tears, Bella. Don't you know how rare and precious that is? Michael is a beautiful, beautiful man."

I thought about the last time I'd seen Edward's eyes conspicuously shiny… it'd been right after I'd made him come hard three times in one night. We'd absolutely worn each other out and our emotions were running high. All at once I was inordinately glad that Edward got emotional over _me_ and not Kevin Costner mowing down his whispering corn. Still. "No offense Jess, but Kevin Costner can't touch Harrison Ford," I laughed.

"Ew," she said, wrinkling her nose. "That guy is like, so old."

"Oh my god, I feel so sorry for you. Han Solo? Star Wars?" I couldn't help but shiver as my mind flew to the role-playing pages of the company's catalog. To the Princess Leia costumes. Edward seemed to like tangling his hands in my hair when we had sex… somehow I didn't think he'd have a problem holding on to some side-buns. Is that what they were called? Or that kinky leash around her neck in Return of the Jedi… hmmmm

Fuck. Me. I was discovering all sorts of hidden fantasies I had, just waiting for Edward to show up. I could not stop thinking about him and the things he could do with his fingers. And his mouth. And his… gah. I tried to shake it off but there seemed to be a pattern here. Sex… Edward. Sex… Edward. Fingers, quick and nimble fingers honed by hours manipulating a Playstation controller...Mind-blowing orgasms… Sex… Edward.

Jess just shrugged. "He's seen Star Wars."

Star Wars? What?

I barely heard her, squeezing my thighs together to relieve the ache I suddenly had between my legs. Great. Edward would know something was up just from the needy look on my face. He'd get that smirky little sexy look and I'd be lost. "So maybe there's hope after all," I said weakly, my mind so far from Jessica's weepy surfer emo boyfriend it wasn't even funny.

"Yeah, I don't know," she said. "His favorite character was that CGI guy with the big googly eyes that talked funny."

That got my attention. "Holy shit, he likes Jar-Jar Binks?"

"Oh yeah," her eyes lit up. "That's his name!" Her face fell suddenly and she grimaced. "Does that make him a nerd?"

"No," I sighed. "But it kind of makes him an idiot." But really, why was I surprised? Mike liked to quote Hannah Montana lyrics. Of course he liked Jar-Jar Binks.

"Bellaaa," she whined.

I scowled and held up my hand so she would shut up. I'd been kind of enjoying the Edward-induced ache and thinking of Jar-Jar had killed it dead. "Listen, I can't talk about this anymore, Jess. You're depressing me."

We were quiet as she reshuffled the instrumental Selena Gomez mix she had on the front desk computer. Soft piano muzak tinkled in from the built-in speakers a moment later.

"So…" I grinned because I couldn't resist teasing her. "Have you told Mike that you love him Like a Love Song, Baby?

Jess stuck her tongue out at me.

"Aw, come on, Jess. Haven't you told him that you keep hittin' repeat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat?"

Finally she giggled and I smiled. It was nice to have a truce. I was a lover, not a fighter.

I heard a rumble outside and ran to the window, watching that beautiful UPS roll into our parking lot. My morning got brighter and brighter as Edward hopped out and jogged to the front door.

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><p>"I guess I should tell you a little more about my family since you're meeting my brother tonight," Edward said, sipping his coffee. He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I've put it off as long as I can."<p>

"Oh?" I stopped chewing for a moment, not entirely sure he was kidding. He'd been a little tight-lipped about his parents and siblings but I'd just assumed that it was because there was nothing to tell. Maybe I'd been wrong. "Okay…" I smiled after I swallowed my bite of bagel. "Whatever it is, it can't be too bad, right?"

Edward and I had finally caved in. I'd slept over at his place much to our mutual delight, having discovered that three nights apart seemed to be our limit. I even cooked dinner for him and we watched TV before he carted me off to bed. It'd been wonderful and easy and felt so, so right it was scary. And now we were having breakfast before we both went to work.

"Okay." He splayed his hands out over the table like he was bracing for something. "You already know that Rose and Liam are twins, right?"

"Yeah. You told me that."

"Well… Rose and I hadn't always known that Liam existed."

"Huh?" I blinked. I mean, that's kind of impossible right? "Your mom didn't…"

"My mom and their dad were getting divorced and-"

I waved my hands. "Wait—you and Rose are only half brother and sister?"

"Yes," he sighed.

"Thank god. Okay, carry on." I took another bite of bagel and settled back. This was getting juicy.

"Okay—the year Rose was twelve she went to this fancy summer camp in Scotland."

I raised my eyebrows. Scotland? Wow. I got a week of the day camp at the local YMCA if I was lucky. I still got embarrassed thinking about the day Jimmy Picklesheimer showed he had a crush on me by dumping the contents of my sad little duffle bag into the public pool. The older boys played keep-away with my balled-up wet underwear for an hour. Good times.

Edward was still explaining. "...it was an exclusive equine camp. Rose rode horses. In competitions and stuff. She was really, really good; this one year-"

"Oh my GOD, Edward," I said through my teeth. "Tell me about Liam."

"Right. So, there was this other kid that sort of worked there at the camp. He helped take care of the horses after the girls practiced."

"It was Liam," I breathed. "He's Scottish?" Forget juicy. This was full-on soap opera!

"Yeah, it was Liam," he said. "And he's very, _very_ Scottish. Anyway, that summer they noticed each other in the lunch area. They talked, discovered they had the same birthday. Even though they were only fraternal twins and not identical, they really looked so much alike. Their hair color alone was—" He suddenly noticed me. "Bella? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Edward laughed.

I was bouncing in my seat like an idiot. "Oh, oh, they switched places didn't they! Just like in The Parent Trap! Rose pretended to be Liam and he pretended to be her!"

"What?"

"You know… The Parent Trap!" I grabbed his hand and shook it violently between us. "Hayley Mills?"

Edward smirked and cocked his head, looking as if I was certifiable and he was only humoring me.

"Noooo... are you fucking kidding me? Jamie Lee Curtis and Lindsey Lohan?"

"Bella."

"Never mind," I frowned. "I'll forgive you for that. But… well, I guess the accent would have been hard to pull off in only a few months."

"Yeah, plus the whole Liam being a _guy_ and Rose being a _girl_ would have been a big problem," Edward added, trying not to laugh.

I let him pull me into his lap. "Oh yeah." I smiled, sheepish. "There's that."

"Liam's about the exact opposite of Rose. Rose went to a Catholic boarding school while Liam traveled around the world with his father. He's kind of… crazy. Loud and obnoxious. Uninhibited. And he's …uh, very affectionate. Rose would say he doesn't have any manners." Edward nuzzled my neck, making me sigh and wish it were the weekend so we could just go back to bed.

"They don't get along?"

"Not really, no."

Why was I not surprised? "And what do you think?" I asked, kissing him lightly.

"I think you'll love him," He smiled. "I can't wait for you to meet him. Liam's definitely one of a kind. We got to be pretty close when he found out he had a little brother. In fact, I kinda pick up his accent whenever I see him for any length of time. It's weird."

I could feel myself flush, my heart racing. "You… you do? Have you ever… I mean, I know you aren't Scottish but… have you ever worn a-a kilt?" I squirmed on top of his knee, making him groan.

"Why, Isabella Swan," Edward drew back with a predatory gleam in his eye. "Aren't you just full of surprises."

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><p><strong>Oh, that naughty, naughty Isabella Swan. Who knew, right?<strong>

**Thanks for sticking around! DH and I love it when you giggle along with us.**

**The Selena lyrics were for Anne, who finds it very amusing to tweet them to me. xoxo :)**


	35. Chapter 35

**Sorry for the wait. Was writing some Teacherward early this week and spent some much needed time with the fam. **

**SM owns. PC & I own instant underpants and Twitter avi's that facilitated the writing of the sexiest fucking description of a guy playing a video game I've ever read or written. JS.**

**NOT BETA'D! ;) But you knew that.**

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><p>Chapter 35<p>

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The rest of the work day was normal. Well, as normal as normal can be when working on an adult toy catalog for next season. Charlotte was supposed to receive a new shipment today which meant I got to see my little gaming snookums in his browns.

He'd wear that to bed one of these days. I'd see to it.

"Hey, Bella? I'm heading off to lunch a little early today. Already cleared it with Char. Mike wants to take me to the park for a little mini picnic." You could almost see the little puffy animated hearts rise from her head and pop in midair. A rolling of the eyes was almost a requisite reaction.

"Oh, that's sweet of him," I deadpanned.

"Yes, he's such a closet romantic. But anyway, I'm leaving around ten-thirty so we can get the food and scope out a place. I'll probably be back around one. So I need someone to mind the fort. Charlotte told me to ask you. So, can you?"

Hmmm... a couple of hours without Jessena and Mike-the-Knight-in-shining-armor in the office? I can receive Edward's package with no interruptions or an audience?

Yes. Sign me up.

"No problem, Jess. I'll just bring my laptop over and work from here. That delivery is important anyway. Charlotte wants it as soon as it comes in," I said, leaning against her fortress of a desk.

Jessica narrowed her eyes on me and giggled.

"Oh, Bella. You're so transparent. You get to see Edward today and have him all to yourself. I guess both of us found our Mr. Right, huh?"

My sudden blush at her blunt statement creeped up my neck and face as she took me off guard with that little unsolicited observation.

"It's too soon to say that, Jess. We've only been dating like a week," I replied looking out the glass doors at nothing in particular.

"Phsst, whatever, Bella. Sometimes things happen that way. You don't believe in love at first sight?"

"Um, no. No, I don't think I do. You've been reading too many Sparks novels."

"And you've been reading too much fanfiction. It's not all about the sex. Edward's totally over the moon for you, I can totally see it. It's like he wears a big fat sign over his heart. It's so cute, actually."

My eyes snapped to hers and widened by the crazy she was spouting. There's no way...

"There's no way he could be... like... you know..." Damn it, I couldn't even say it.

Jessena just giggled some more as she collected her purse from under her desk and moved around it to stand in front of me.

"For all it's worth, Bella, you look good together. I've never seen you happier. You have like this glow around you. And whenever he walks in to make his deliveries, your eyes give you away."

"Jess..." I exhaled and fidgeted, looking away. I couldn't look at her Disney-princess-looking face anymore.

She lifted her hand to stop me and shook her head.

"I know, I know. I'm not going to say anything else. Yeah, so okay, it might be too soon. But don't throw that one away, Bella. He's got it bad for you. And I suspect you do too." She sang the last part just as Mike came up to us and took her hand. The way they smiled at each other made me want to barf.

"See you later, Bella," Mike greeted.

"Yeah, you too, Mike." I waved awkwardly as Jess looked over her shoulder and batted her lashes dramatically.

And just like that, I was alone. Alone in my thoughts...

"Bella! I need you!"

...Kind of.

"Coming, Charlotte."

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><p>After receiving my tasks for the day from my boss who informed me she'd be at a meeting upstairs, I settled in Jessica's seat with my laptop. When I heard the telltale screech and horn-honking of the UPS truck, my whole body perked up as the sun itself waltzed into my space.<p>

"Hey," he smirked holding a large box and finally resting it on the desk.

"Hey yourself. Whatcha got there?" My smile hurt.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He arched a brow, taking out the little electronic signing pad thingy and handing it over to me.

Oh, he wanted to play, did he?

"Hmm. I think I'm pretty well aware of what you've got." I arched a brow right back after signing and returning the pad to him.

He chuckled, shaking his head. "Why don't you open it and find out if you're right?"

"Oh, don't tempt me. No one's here right now. Wouldn't be difficult to pull you into my office and unwrap your package... for quality control, of course."

"Why don't you do it right here, then?"

My eyebrows shot up as I gasped dramatically at his forwardness.

"You're talking about that box, aren't you?" I responded flatly.

"Um, yeah. I am."

We both laughed at our cornball attempts at innuendo.

I took a letter opener to the top of the box and opened it right in front of him.

"What's your bet?" I said, slowly removing the bubble wrap.

"Hmm... I'd say clothing. Maybe some sexy costumes. Ooh, maybe there's that Princess Leia one from Return of the Jedi," he said excitedly, looking like a little boy at Christmas.

"Ha! Down boy. I think it might be DVDs. Charlotte's been looking to beef up the media department. "

I took out the last piece of bubble wrap and grabbed the first thing I felt.

"Hmm. Interesting."

"What is it?" He looked over curiously.

"Instant Underpants."

"Seriously?" Edward grabbed the red tin out of my hand to inspect it. "They make these?"

"Aww, look at you. You're so innocent. Yes, they make these... There's a bunch. We actually carry a brand that looks like a tissue box dispenser. But these are kind of cool. Easy to hide in purse. I'll have a field day writing about these. Not quite sure though if they're gag gifts or what."

"Well, maybe you can take a couple to sample. Should make your writing more authentic, you know, knowing if they really work or not. Like, maybe you can try them out tonight and stay over again?" He leaned over the desk until he could nibble on my neck. I shivered and yes, I almost dragged him to my office right then and there.

"You got it," I moaned.

"Good," he replied against my skin. "I gotta go, but bring your stuff after work. We have some time before meeting up with members of my dysfunctional family."

With that, he pecked me on the lips and ran back on the truck, not even waiting for my response. He smirked at me all sexy before driving off.

Smug bastard.

* * *

><p>I arrived at his place after stopping by my apartment and throwing some stuff in an overnight bag... including one little red tin.<p>

He left the door cracked open after buzzing me in and as soon as I entered, I could hear the familiar sounds of a video game. Sounded like some kind of racing game.

I took my shoes off at the door and padded quietly to his room. I just wanted to watch him in his element. I know, a little creepy. Sue me.

What I saw though, nearly made me want to jump him and never get off.

Or get off... multiple times. Which evidence has shown he's more than capable of facilitating.

There he was, all comfortable in his gaming chair, reclined, relaxed and deep in concentration. But that's not what got me... Oh, no.

My eyes went directly to how his blue shirt was casually pushed up, showing a little of his delicious abs, a little patch of happy trail and his brown belt and oval metal buckle.

Fuck me silly.

His controller was held tensely, his long fingers cradling it and resting on said delicious abs. The entire look was finished off by that little black string bracelet that I'd been meaning to ask him about.

I didn't even hear the game get paused.

"Hey, baby. You're here." His smile lit the room brighter than his twinkly lights as he rose and caught me in his arms, planting the best, lustful kiss he's ever given me.

"H-hi there." Yes I was breathless. I was horny too.

He also knew that. Which is why he quickly picked me up and threw me on his bed, his devilish grin telling me exactly how it was all gonna go down.

"I missed you," he whispered, as he crawled over me, kissing every exposed piece of skin he could find on his way up to meet my eyes.

He pressed himself against me and we both moaned and whimpered.

"Do we have time?" I asked, looking at his clock. It was already five-thirty. We'd be meeting them around seven.

"For this? always. Liam's usually late anyway," he said, already peeling clothes off of me.

When I was about to protest about not having enough time to get ready, his tongue down in my naughty place pretty much shut me the fuck up.

Late was good.

Late was very... VERY good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Um. Yeah. Check out my blog for that visual. Or you can just stare at PC's Twitter avi. **

**Just wanna say thanks and give boobie gropes to all of you for hanging in there during our posting hiccups, and for being as in love with Gamerward as PC & I are... because we seriously FLOVE him. Thanks for all the funny reviews and pimping you do on the reg. ;)**


	36. Chapter 36

**I love y'all, for real.**

**SM owns. DH and I own Liam and Pandora's Purple Passion Package. You know you want one.  
><strong>

* * *

><p>I'll admit that I wore a little plaid skirt in honor of Liam.<p>

Edward's eyes narrowed as he leaned in the bathroom doorway, watching me primp for dinner.

"What, no knee high socks with those little buckle shoes?" He rubbed his chin. "I mean… if you're going for the naughty schoolgirl look, you gotta go all the way."

"Oh, I go all the way alright," I smirked.

He came up behind me, pressing his front into my back, sliding his hands around my waist. Geez, how the boy could be hard again was beyond me. "Mmhmm… yes you do." He swept the hair away from my neck and kissed down my shoulder. "And multiple times all in one trip," he said. When he heard me sigh he locked eyes with me in the mirror and wiggled his eyebrows. "Ye must've had a fookin' _brilliant_ tour guide," he whispered in my ear, his put-on Scottish accent curling through me and making my heart pound.

I spun around in his arms, my eyes wide. "Oh my god. Why haven't you talked to me like that before? Do it again."

"I like your wee skirty," he breathed into my neck, pulling me tight against him. His hands clutched the bare backs of my thighs, sliding up, up. "It makes me want tae do verra dirrrty, dirrrty things tae your wee little arse."

I gasped, thinking that now we were _really_ going to be late… and then he giggled into my shoulder.

"Ohh! You just ruined it," I said, giggling back. "You're such a nutcase."

"You know you love it," he said affectionately, smiling down at me.

_Love_.

And then suddenly I felt dead serious, all tingly and scared at the same time. "Yeah," I whispered. "I really do."

* * *

><p>Edward's older half-brother was nothing like I expected. It was silly, but a tiny part of me was hoping to see a decked out Scotsman in full Highland regalia, wild William Wallace hair, fearsome scars from fighting battles and maybe some bagpipes slung over the back of his chair. Or at least Ewan McGregor. I <em>totally<em> would have settled for Ewan McGregor.

Liam seemed completely normal though. He was tall with a handsome grinning face, reddish hair and clear blue eyes.

And then he started to talk…

"Weel, there's the wee lad now!" he cackled all the way across the restaurant, feeling up the waitress standing at the corner of their table. He patted her on the bottom and gestured toward the bar. "Be a dote and fetch another pint, yeah? My beby brother's here."

The waitress didn't look at all perturbed that this strange man with the booming voice just had his hand on her ass. And we were at a fairly respectable establishment. She walked by us beaming like an idiot. I dragged my eyes away from Liam to scan the rest of the table. There was Rose, looking impeccable and as sour-pussed as ever. And…

"Oh my god, it's Emmett McCarty!" I whisper-shouted into Edward's shoulder. "Would it be too lame to get his autograph for my dad? I don't know, I don't know… I'll feel it out… if I get a weird vibe I'll totally back off. I don't want to be one of _those_ peopl-"

"Bella, for fuck's sake," Edward laughed, prying my fingers from where I was squeezing his arm. "I've lost all feeling in this hand. Look, my fingers are blue. And I _told_ you he'd be here, silly girl."

"I'll be cool."

"_Right_."

"Can I ask him to pat my butt like he does to all the guys on the team?"

"Yeah, you go for that," he said, moving his hand down, bending down to whisper in my ear. "As long as ye know who your bonnie little arse really belongs to."

"Oooh," I shivered, kissing his cheek. "This is going to be fun, I can tell." I just couldn't help feeling like I was at the circus, clapping my hands, oohing and ahhing at all the colorful, shiny attractions. Big, boisterous Scotsmen! Muscly NFL stars! The joy of pissing off Rose yet again! And in the center ring, the star of the show… Sexy boyfriend and his panty-incinerating ability to growl like Sean Connery!

Liam's eyes sparkled as we approached the table. He had a mega-watt grin as he unashamedly looked me up and down. "Fookin' hell Edward, ye dinnae tell me you were bringin' a _gurl_ wid'ya! Aye, aboot time you were settlin' doon…"

Rose huffed; eying the silverware she'd placed neatly to each side of her plate, unrolled from her napkin. She gave the fork a tiny nudge to the right. "Liam, please. I _told_ you he was bringing her so stop being absurd."

Edward and I sat down at the table. I smiled and nodded at Emmett McCarty, completely tongue tied, making Edward laugh. I was all talk and he knew it.

"Rosie m'dear, ye only have one time tae make a first impression," Liam said blandly before turning to Edward, giving an exaggerated wink. "An I have it on gud authority that _breagha_ Bella here gets her panties all inna twist at a Scotsman speakin' s'proper anglish."

What!

I drew in a horrified breath. _Holeee shite!_ He did not just say that! Oh yes, Edward was dying a slow and painful death when we got back to his place.

I resorted to babbling… "I- uh, I-"

"Great, Liam. Thanks." Edward interrupted me, glaring at his brother.

"Ooh, dinnae fash yourself, wee Edward." Liam laughed as I peeked at him through my fingers. "Isabella and I have things to discuss, we do. She happens tae write some of my favorite things tae read."

Embarrassment momentarily forgotten, I frowned across the table at him. "But I'm not a writer, not really. I haven't written anything that's been published. You must be thinking of someone else."

Edward shook his head. "You _are_ a writer," he murmured, squeezing my hand.

It was true I wanted to write seriously one day, perhaps be published and see my name on the bookstore shelf. But even though I hadn't reached that particular goal yet, I was still proud of what I accomplished every month when I wrote for the catalog. Because my job was so much more than product descriptions… there were helpful articles, reader questions and answers and I always art-directed the merchandise photography myself. It wasn't easy to get the lighting just right on items like the Jumbo Licorice Whip-Combination G-Spot Vibrating Love Club with optional clitoral wiggler for an extra $9.99… but I did! (And seriously… why was the wiggler even optional? That shit should be standard.) I was good at my job even if it was a little unconventional; I'd had to use my creativity.

But surely that wasn't what Liam was talking about.

"Cool! What do you write?" Emmett McCarty asked politely.

Rose made an ugly sound and rolled her eyes. " Seriously? She writes product descriptions for a catalog. Hardly a-"

"Aye, a catalog," Liam said, talking over Rose, "but not just any catalog. She writes for the _Depot_, she does."

Emmett gasped, eyes wide; banging his hands on the table so loudly the pretty waitress almost dropped our drinks. "No fucking way—you're _that_ Isabella Swan? I love the Orifice Depot catalog! I mean, I know it mostly sells handcuffs and dildos and shit but the articles are first rate. That one you had last month—"

"The History of Lesbian Hair?" I asked, grinning. "You liked that?"

"Are you kidding? It was awesome! Man, I laughed my ass off." Emmett's eyes were shining as he leaned forward. "Everything you write is hysterical. I made my roommate get his own subscription so he wouldn't take mine."

"Aww, that's so sweet," I cooed.

"Ugh! I can't believe this," Rose scowled at the entire table, saving the most horrible glare for me. Liam was oblivious, his full attention and roaming hands on our tittering waitress. Edward tensed though, getting defensive on my behalf. What a sweetheart. But this bitch was all mine. I quickly kissed him on the cheek to calm him down before I turned to face his sister.

This girl needed a sample box in the worst way.

"Now _Rose_, now stop pretending you're not excited about the Pandora's Purple Passion Package I'm sending you," I said, patting her hand. "I'm packing it myself and giving you all the best loot, I promise."

Emmett looked at Rose with renewed interest. "You're getting a P4? Fucking hell, those boxes are _legendary_. You can't buy them and the Depot hardly ever gives them away." He hesitated. "I'd… I'd really love it if I could… maybe come over and open it with you? I've always wondered what was in one of those things," he whispered, batting his lashes in a manly way. "It's such a mystery, you know?"

Rose's little fish mouth opened and closed quite unattractively before she finally got her head on straight and simpered, "Of course, Emmett. Anytime. We can have dinner at my place and… open the box. I guess I'll call you when…" She suddenly glanced at me, a pathetic, hopeful look on her face.

_Yeah, that's what I thought. You're so gonna owe me.  
><em>

"Oh, you'll have it tomorrow afternoon for sure," I said happily. "I'll even put a surprise or two in there for you, Emmett."

"Most excellent," Emmett breathed and reached across to hold Rose's hand. "Tomorrow…"

Rosalie squeaked.

* * *

><p>As soon as I got in the car I punched Edward in the arm.<p>

"Ow!" he yelled and started to laugh. "What was that for?"

"Where should I begin? How about your brother and that crazy fake Braveheart _ooch, that's something weil hafta remmmady_ accent!" I couldn't help but laugh; the whole night had been so completely nonsensical.

"He's from SCOTLAND, you loon," he said, grabbing me hard around the waist, his fingers squeezing in a tickle torture I couldn't escape. "He _does_ talk like that. And you should channel your violent tendencies in a much more productive manner… I might have a few ideas."

But he… but he," I gasped between tickles, "he started talking like a, like a—OH MY FUCK, STOP! Like a normal person! He sounded all American with just a tiny little lilt!"

Edward settled back in his seat, breathing hard. I really wanted to crawl over the console and into his lap. I'll show him violent tendencies. "Well, he's lived here for years," he said. "And he's a sports agent, remember? I'm sure he tones the accent down when he needs to."

I watched his hand on the gearshift as he drove; the way his fingers moved, the muscles in his forearm flexing… tensing, relaxing. Tense, relax, tense, relax. I rubbed my thighs together.

"You have ants in your pants or something? You need the bathroom?"

I unbuckled and leaned over to lick the edge of his ear.

"Edward, will you take me to your room and… play more video games?"

He laughed. "What?"

"And I want you to…" I whispered, "say Scottish words and stuff while you play. I like the way your fingers move."

He was silent as we coasted up to a red light. "Take off your panties," he said softly. "And then you can play with me in nothing but that wee plaid skirty."

"Ooh… erin go bragh," I giggled, scooting down in my seat to slide them off.

"Bella," he sighed, "that's Irish…"

"Pshh… semantics. Pull over. Did you bring your glasses?"

* * *

><p><strong>I apologize for the butchering of any Scottish words. I'll just assume you're too polite to say anything. ;)<strong>

**OH, and The History of Lesbian Hair is a real book! I haven't read it but the cover looks awesome.**

**Thanks for being patient- seriously. While DH was waiting around for me to update this she went and wrote a million new stories. Go read them all- her new o/s owns me.**


	37. Chapter 37

**Hi there. Miss us? Yes. I suck. I know I do. No excuse... other than the whole I'm writing 3 other WIPS, lost my mojo, got pregnant, and headed Gisela's fundraising compilation. No biggie. **

**But really, if you've stuck around this long, ya'll deserve a fuckin' medal, because seriously... I would've flounced my own ass a long time ago.**

**There's about 2-3 chapters left.. maybe... it's definitely winding down...**

**SM Owns. PC and I own Gamerward and his orgasm-inducing capabilities.**

**Oh, and this it totally UNBETA'D. Seriously.**

* * *

><p><strong>.<strong>

Three months.

Three months of Edwardy bliss.

Life was good. My job was awesome, Edward was wonderful, and even Rose had calmed down considerably. Ever since I sent her the Purple Package, it's like someone took out her bitch module and replaced it with Rose v2.0. She actually showed up at my job on a weekday after the Purple weekend with Emmett. It went a little something like this...

"_Bella, Rose is here to see you!" Jessica announced as she popped her head into my office. "Oh, my God, hasn't she been like, a total bitch to you?"_

_I stopped typing, because really, the idea that Rose would come by for a friendly visit with her brother's girlfriend is ridiculous and for a moment, I consider hiding under my desk like George Costanza. But I can't. _

_Be the bigger person, Bella. _

"_I'll be right there, Jessica and yes, she's been a total bitch. With my luck, she's here to complain about a product in the Purple Package I sent her. She probably used the warming vaginal lubricant on her face or something," I mutter as I straighten out my suit jacket in the mirror before flipping my hair back and walking into the lobby with my chin held high._

_I was expecting Rosie the Lion. What I got was Rosie the Pussycat._

_Her fingers fidgeted and as soon as she heard me approach, her eyes, once accusing and judgmental, now shown brightly, and yes... almost twinkled._

_She approached and I greeted. "Rose, what can I do for... OOMPF!"_

_The woman hugged me. Icequeen Rose Cullen was hugging Bella Swan._

_Quick. Someone record this._

_When she finally stepped back from her death grip hug, she smiled at me and said the three little words I never thought she would utter in my general direction._

"_Thank you, Bella."_

"_Uh... Who are you, and what have you done with Rose?"_

_And then she giggled. She motherfucking giggled._

_The Purple Package, Bella. I can't thank you enough... Emmett, he... you know... was really curious and excited and stuff... and... I never thought he'd, you know... want me like that, much less want to try any of that stuff, but holy shit..."_

_I shook my head because I was both disgusted and mildly curious about this._

_I guess I picked the right profession, yes?_

"_Rose, honey, I'm so glad you liked it, but I thought you hated me..."_

"_Oh, Bella. I did. I so did. I'm very protective of my brother, and I always had high hopes for him. He's so smart, Bella, you have no idea. And he was always kind of a geek back in the day. A lot of girls used him. And then when I found out you did... what you did, well... I kind of figured you were a money hungry slut. No offense..."_

"_None taken."_

"_But Emmett actually showed me some of the stuff you write, and I have to admit. I misjudged you. I'm sorry."_

"_Uh huh. Um. Okay. Apology accepted. I hope you know Edward is everything to me. I'm not going anywhere." _

_She nodded. "Yes, I know. I just want him happy. You make him happy. I was too uptight to see that."_

"_Okay. So," I hedged, "What did you try? Because that was a big box."_

_Rose blushed. Shit, I was totally in alternate universe._

_She leaned closer to me and looked around, no doubt trying to keep some level of decency. _

_Look around, sister. I work for a sex toy company. Leave the decency at the door._

"_I was a little shy using some of the stuff in there, you know, Emmett and I don't know each other long enough, but I gotta say... the loved the Nipple Nibblers," she whispered, biting her lip._

"_Wild Raspberry?"_

"_Buttercream Icing."_

"_Ah."_

_We talked a few minutes more and I gave her some samples to take home. And that was that._

_I was off Rose's shit list._

Since then, Rose and Emmett have become my little guinea pigs whenever a new product comes out. What better research to write my splendid little product descriptions than getting reviews from people I know?

And I made sure Edward and I were trying a few things out too, much to his glee and my ever-loving self.

Which is what Edward and I were doing one Sunday afternoon in his bed.

I surprised him with a special order Wonder Woman corset and panty set that was worth every damn penny to see the look of overwhelming lust on his face.

And worth the two... no three... ah hell, I lost track of how many orgasms he'd bestowed on me.

Apparently, he had a thing for Lynda Carter when he was a kid. It was a pretty impressive trigger for him.

After passing out from sheer delicious exhaustion, I awoke a couple hours later to an empty bed and gaming sounds coming from the living room.

We've discovered that making me come makes him want to kick some ass with any of his shoot 'em up games. Sounds like today's choice is Assassin's Creed 3, which I surprised him with the other day.

I'm a good girlfriend. He made damn sure I knew it.

A buzz from my cell on the nightstand snapped me out of my post-coital haze, and when I saw who it was from, it was enough to make me panic.

Jasper. My brother.

**_Hey sis. Heading out to your neck of the woods for business this week. I'll be there on Wed. U free? -J_**

Shit.

Edward didn't know about Jasper. I mean, he knew I had a brother, I just never got around to telling him what my brother does. What if he gets mad at me for not hooking him up with him before? I mean, having a contact like Jasper could help Edward immensely. Why the hell didn't I ever tell him about Jay?

I take it back. I suck as a girlfriend.

With a heavy sigh, I reply.

**_That's great! There's actually someone I want you to meet. He's kind of important. I'll try and get the day off. -B_**

**_HE? Hmm... I guess it'll be time for me to bring out the big brother guns, eh? ;) -J_**

**_Shut up and don't you dare. He's a good guy. I have a feeling you'll both have a lot in common. -B_**

**_I'll be the judge of that. Love you. See you in a few days! -J_**

Oy. How do I tell the man I love, who happens to be a gamer and a budding game designer that my brother works for one of the top gaming companies in the country?

I might need the Super Girl corset and panty set this time to distract him.

.

.

.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Nipple Nibblers actually exists. There come in different flavors. Adult toy research... the things I do for you people ;)**

**Here's the corset/panty set B surprised E with... RAWR. thlog wp-content / uploads / 2012 / 10 / Wonder-Woman-Corset-And-Panty-Set . jpg**

**Next up, PC brings us Jasper the dapper big brother. How will Edward handle B not telling him her brother had connections? Will he meet Alice? I have no friggin clue... but I have a feeling PC does, don't you bb? *nods* Til next time! Stay classy, fandom!**


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